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Clarissa 29 Brighton UK. Atheist asexual cynic. Loves green. Hates kids.
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Great song of indifference
Tue, Mar 01 2005 @ 21:33   //   Category: Randomness

The question is... am I under some obligation to update this thing? The answer is no of course. The problem is, I do do want to update it, or rather, I feel I have to update it out of some stupid sense of duty (towards whom I do not know. to the god of blogness perhaps).

This blog serves no purpose if it's not updated. This requires material, preferably interesting. So if I have nothing interesting to say I can
1. force myself to come up with something (can't be bothered)
2. write any old crap (which I do now, totally pointless)
3. close the blog cuz it's not serving its purpose

I don't wanna close it, I like it and it's part of me. But right now I don't know what to write in it (apparently I also don't know what to say to people in general) and I've had this problem for a while. My thoughts wander, I have no serious topics to talk about... nothing really matters to me.

There isn't anything I care enough about to write an entry about it. Or... do anything about. Talk about. Think about longer than 2mins at a time. I deteriorate. Intellectually. Eventually I will dissolve. *poof* Hopefully that will solve many problems, including the fate of this blog.

Go on then... (8)

Wed, Mar 02 2005 @ 21:39   //   Category: Mon & Lo updates

:x :x :x :x

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Foodstuff - an entry in 3 parts
Thu, Mar 03 2005 @ 19:53   //   Category: Life & Me

Part I - Beans

I bought a can of green beans a while back. It seemed tempting. It's quite a big can so now I don't know what to do with it. Eat nothing but beans for dinner one day? Eat beans three days in a row? Eat some beans and throw out the rest? Leave the can on the shelf until it's expired then throw them all out? That would make no sense of course, but that is probably what will happen since I just can't seem to decide how to eat them.

Part II - Spoons

A long long time ago I found a spoon in our school yard. It was a Hello Kitty spoon and had a pink handle. It looked a bit like this. The only reason I knew it was a Hello Kitty spoon was because I could read the "Sanrio 1976" copyright thingo at the back - the actual picture of her on the front had already faded. However it became my favourite cereal-eating spoon and I must have had it for over 15 years. The other day it broke so I had to throw it out. I am now eating my cereal with an Asda Smart Price spoon. It's just not the same thing.

Part III - Sandwiches

Today was Italian BMT day at Subway. This doesn't mean that today was the only day one can get Italian BMT at Subway, but that today (every Thursday in fact), an Italian BMT costs merely £1.99. That's almost irresistible, but only almost since I did resist it today and had cereal instead. I think that shall be the end of this entry. Goodnight.

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Sat, Mar 05 2005 @ 13:10   //   Category: Photolog

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Wishlist II
Sat, Mar 05 2005 @ 19:53   //   Category: Memes

I felt like doing a wishlist. Then I remembered that last September I already did one of those and I had a look. Interestingly, I found out that a few of the things on that list I actually got. Well basically the material, realistic ones:
- a sexy laptop (Tommyyyyyy =P~)
- a new mobile (my Samuel)
- colourful things (a whole colourful flat..)
- to see [Michael Stipe] in concert (Hyde Park 9th July)

Most of the general ones are still valid and I shall now add a few (since I am bored)
- a Mon all to myself & 24/7
- a Tay to call my own
- not to be ill
- not to have to sell my Lara
- no more boredom
- a bigger freezer

Hm I'm bored of this now. Oh yes that reminds me I also want
- a longer attention span
- energy!!! ambition!!! initiative!!!!


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Boredom countdown
Sun, Mar 06 2005 @ 11:54   //   Category: Memes

Stolen from Skyler.

Continue reading "Boredom countdown"
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You should try it
Sun, Mar 06 2005 @ 15:23   //   Category: Randomness

inspired by Mon

Continue reading "You should try it"
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Et sans aucune raison...
Sun, Mar 06 2005 @ 15:50   //   Category: Me about me

I do not get myself. Today's been one of those days where I've been very up and very down and I have no idea why. Could someone please explain myself to me? Should I stop trying to analyze myself? Do I look for problems where there are none?

So after being quite upbeat and positive all morning, listening to music and actually getting quite a lot done, I suddenly drop into this deep abyss. I can't explain why! The 'superficial' reason - stupidly, irrationally - is this: I am reminded of a horse I used to be in love with & whom I lost years ago. This suddenly tears me apart with unjustifiable violence, so I start bawling and curl up on my bed and I think about how I have to go to his owner and buy him off him. My life depends upon it!

But it is of course totally insignificant. I did have such thoughts when I lost him, but this was ages ago and I have barely wasted a thought on him in years! And even as I cry and despair I realize this and ask myself, why do I actually cry? And of course I don't know the answer, for I have no reason to cry and despair. Least of all a horse, but nothing else either.

And I think back on when my grandad died. He died the same day as Princess Diana. I barely shed a tear for my grandad (I missed half of his funeral cuz I 'had to' go to a Michael Jackson concert), but I spent hours crying in front of the TV watching Diana's funeral... I accumulated a whole fucking collection of Diana memorial magazines. I'd never wasted a single thought on her before she died!

So I am reminded of that and other examples, and of my tendency to displace my feelings, to project them onto something other than the issue that matters. And I wonder - and cannot understand - what I am now displacing them from. I don't get what my problem is! The horse isn't of course, but neither is the job that annoys me, or the fact that I have to sell my car, or the thoughtless act of one of my friends that will plunge me into an endless cycle of negative thoughts for days. It's none of that, but I don't know what it is. It's everything, and it's nothing. I guess it's just me. I need a user's manual to me.

Oh well. In less than an hour I am meeting a Vega :-)

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I crave attention
Wed, Mar 09 2005 @ 17:37   //   Category: Randomness

That is, I want comments.

However, I am too lazy to write an entry.

Please be so kind as to comment anyway.

If you're entertaining enough I may consider writing a proper entry

As a reward so to speak.

Go on then... (11)

God, the Devil and Bob
Thu, Mar 10 2005 @ 22:15   //   Category: Michael Jackson

Not done a Michael Jackson entry in a while, so I thought it was about time again. Also I was bored tonight. So... I have two idle domain names that I don't quite know what to do with so I decided to redirect them MJ-themedly for now.

- http://mygod.co.uk used to point here (shush) and now points here.

- http://inthedevils.name used to point here (hehe) and now points here.

BTW if anyone has any cool ideas what I could do with those two domains long term please let me know. They're cool and they're mine, so I oughta use them.

PS Bob is um, a fitness trainer. Oh and God, the Devil and Bob is a great cartoon I wanna see again & shall now order on DVD [... done].

Go on then... (9)

End of an era
Sat, Mar 12 2005 @ 20:32   //   Category: Life & Me

Ok maybe that sounds a bit too pompous. Anyway, we spent most of yesterday and all of today cleaning and packing and cleaning and driving to the dump and cleaning some more, and now we have no more Jareth.

Was talking with the random ex-flatmate about all the memories we have in that flat - both good and bad - so I just thought why not do a bit of a retrospective (incl. links to relevant entries for the very bored).

Continue reading "End of an era"
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Rainbow overload!!!!
Sun, Mar 13 2005 @ 17:37   //   Category: Photolog

I have LOADS of rainbow stuff! :D (you all know that anyway I know) I bought some more today! :D So I've taken pics of all of it. 8-} Expect one helluva long picture entry!!! (most of this you'll have seen before but it's so fab!!! well to me anyway! shut it!)

Continue reading "Rainbow overload!!!!"
Go on then... (8)

My nan is sooooo cool!!!
Sun, Mar 13 2005 @ 19:58   //   Category: Randomness

So we talk about Tayobsession and... other stuff (and age difference) and she goes "yeah well I had this guy at uni I was in love with and he was 7yrs younger than me.. it lasted a year - of course it was a sex affair but he was also really smart!"
=)) She is so fucking cool! :D
Now she's grilling me about my asexuality. :| :P

PS She goes "I never betrayed my 1st husband! I had my fun afterwards of course." :))

Go on then... (8)

Sun, Mar 13 2005 @ 22:12   //   Category: Me about me

I've just been to the beach. For the 1st time since I moved. It's different here cuz so much closer to town. It's kinda hard to get into the whole "we are nothing and the universe is vast" feeling when you have the Palace Pier with its pleasure dome and its flashing lights just 5mins walk away.

Instead, many other things went through my mind. They made me wonder, made me think, made me come to tentative conclusions... and one thought imposed itself, which is the following:

I am an individual and my experience is unique. It would be impossible to make anyone understand every single bit of what makes up me.

Sooo maybe I should just stop trying to explain myself. Maybe the key to happiness is accepting yourself just the way you are. Who are you trying to impress anyway? We can never be perfect, and we can never please anyone completely. Least of all ourselves lol.

I would elaborate but I am no longer trying to explain myself. 8-} (read: I am lazy and bored of this now)

Go on then... (6)

Mon, Mar 14 2005 @ 14:42   //   Category: Randomness

I just found this quote by Nietzsche on Michelle's blog:

What else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives, acts, and experiences otherwise than we do…?

Somehow I feel that the key to more balance in my relationships lies within that quote. I'm fine with the understanding, it's the rejoicing I have some trouble with. But maybe it comes with what I mentioned in my previous entry - accepting our uniqueness. :-?

(oooh I can sense it... I'm on the path to infinite wisdom here. lmao)

Go on then... (11)

Mon, Mar 14 2005 @ 22:17   //   Category: Life & Me

I've just booked a ticket to go see Moby at the Brixton Academy on 19th of May. :D Two days later I will be off to En Why Cee and as far as I can see he has no tour dates for a month so hopefully he'll be going home, so then I'll see him again there as I plan to lurk around Teany for a fair few hours every day (oh daniel I didn't tell you about that part of our trip did I *cough*). I will of course meet him after the concert too, and then in NYC I will be like "look, it's me again!" and he'll be like "woah, you do seem to like me! Wanna marry me?" and I'll be like "yeah sure why not?" and that'll be me sorted. I'll quit my job and move to New York and spend all his money while he clears the tables at Teany (as reported in the Big Issue).

Rainbows! Flowers! All is well in the best of all possible worlds! Was that upbeat enough for you Evelyn? :))

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New variation
Wed, Mar 16 2005 @ 13:33   //   Category: Randomness

I have exsquiZZite Tayste. 8-}

excuse me :wh


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Fri, Mar 18 2005 @ 19:56   //   Category: Updates

So I've (sorta) decided to do an entry about asexuality. Or, to put it another way, about how I feel about relationships / sex / love and all that jazz. Obviously the subject has crept up on here quite a few times, but I've never actually bothered to explain myself fully. A lot of people still seem to find it confusing (and a lot daren't ask), and quite a lot seem to have preconceptions of the kind "you have underlying issues".

So the aim of that entry will be to explain exactly how I feel about it, and why I think I feel like that (of course there is still the possibility that I am in fact successfully repressing an 'underlying issue' and have created this whole theory to that end lol. Who's to say?).

So yeah. The point of this entry is to
1. actually motivate me to research & write this thing over the weekend since I've kinda announced it now.
2. give you the chance to tell me that you couldn't care less and I shouldn't bother in the first place.

In the meantime I shall attend to other things. 8-}

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Asexuality - my very own take
Sun, Mar 20 2005 @ 00:03   //   Category: Opinionated

So here it is... my asexuality entry.
If there are any questions feel free to comment.
Entry may be edited as we go along.

Continue reading "Asexuality - my very own take"
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Odyssey to Eastbourne
Mon, Mar 21 2005 @ 12:46   //   Category: Life & Me

Spring has arrived. Well, oficially since today is the 21st, but also weatherwise it seems. Was nice and warm when I walked to work this morning.

Continue reading "Odyssey to Eastbourne"
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Look it's me!
Mon, Mar 21 2005 @ 19:53   //   Category: Photolog

Not taken pics in fucking ages, mainly cuz I don't much like to look at myself these days; but since I have to go for passport pics tomorrow (meh) I thought I'd practice. So here are three pics.

Continue reading "Look it's me!"
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[still looking for title]
Wed, Mar 23 2005 @ 22:38   //   Category: Randomness

I've been asked to update. Repeatedly. I'm not very good at this. I've had various thoughts and ideas whirling around my head for a while, each of which could be turned into a full entry if I had the necessary energy and attention span, but I don't, so they won't. My mind has been frighteningly volative these past few... I wish I could say weeks but I guess it's more like months or even years. So instead you will get a... well I'm not sure what you will get just yet. We'll see eh. You'll get a bit of everything.

Continue reading "[still looking for title]"
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It's Easter! (and I have a Lo)
Sat, Mar 26 2005 @ 22:12   //   Category: Mon & Lo updates

So my Lo requests that I update. Which is a bit silly of her really cuz I'm only gonna write about what we've been up to, which she knows all about already cuz, well, she's here. (I have a Lo you see!) But of course her wish is my command so here's a long rambling update about the past 2 or so days (with lots of pictures).

Continue reading "It's Easter! (and I have a Lo)"
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The most perfectest layout ever
Sun, Mar 27 2005 @ 23:31   //   Category: Randomness

*Lo and Wam both sit drooling in front of the PC*

Yeah so after much bribing, blackmailing, begging and other desperate measures we now finally have perfection right up there (tho 6 instances of my perfect boys would have been even more perfect of course. Perfecter than perfect. Um anyway). I think I shall keep this layout forever and ever.

Continue reading "The most perfectest layout ever"
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Many battles are lost
Thu, Mar 31 2005 @ 23:38   //   Category: Randomness

One of the Crowded House guys died. I only really know Weather With You and Don't Dream It's Over, but I have a strong bond to both songs, the former cuz it was on MTV all the time when I watched it all the time, and the latter cuz it's so wonderfully depressing and cuz it played in BH90210 when Dylan & Kelly split up (shut up!). So the title's my tribute to him. Oh btw he committed suicide.

Continue reading "Many battles are lost"
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