D I A R Y
- June 2003 -
:: 28Jun03 18:20 :: HARRY POTTER II :: Been a while ey? Sorry, I've been busy. I'm majorly fed up with bloody Enetation being down every other day, so I'm currently struggling with MovableType, trying to put together a half-way decent template and then hopefully I'll start using that. Don't start biting your nails tho, I might wait until the holidays after all. Not that you really care :P
Right, so I thought I'd do another Harry Potter entry before I let it rest. The book was good. I wouldn't say it was better than the previous ones, but it was an enjoyable read and had the same "can't put it down" effect. I read most of Weds afternoon & pretty much all night (as those who read my comments will know), got 2.5hrs sleep full of weird Harry-Potter-related dreams, then read more during school, in the car, walking thru town; and I finally finished it on my sofa on Thursday afternoon. *lol*
Yeah, so part of it was a bit weird & even downright improbable just for the sake of the plot (and I don't mean the fact they're wizards. We all accept that *g*). The "goodies are outsiders no one believes" thing was taken a bit far IMO, and the whole thing about the Ministry & the Press not believing them was not satisfactorily explained in the end. I fully expected to be told that they'd all been under Voldemort's influence. Ah well. Something else that is becoming more and more frustrating with each book is the long drawn-out part where targedy piles onto tragedy, making life more & more difficult for the "goodies" & with no relief in sight. Gets very annoying after a while.
LOL I sound like I hated the book. I didn't, it was great. I'd read the next one straight away. Shame we'll have to wait years now. Ah well. What else is there... ah, I made a new 404 page for the site. It's not that imaginative, but I was bored of the old one. The links work!
Had an old friend over Thursday-Friday. We hadn't seen each other for years, so it was nice to spend some time together again (we do email & keep in touch, but it's so different from fooling around, giggling & getting drunk together, hehe). Yeah, so I had a fab time, ah and the sales are on so I also got myself some new clothes, a towel, a DVD (Hannibal) and some other stuff. Very nice :)
Not done much today - slept until noon after those 2 nights with little sleep, and I've hung around doing nothing since then. MTV Dance have a Michael Jackson week-end, which is sweet but I can't be bothered to watch it. Seen it all before. *yawn* Will be off now. I'm a bit bored with this site at the moment. It will be totally restructured over summer. Only 10 days now til the holidays. Yay!
:: 25Jun03 23:40 :: HARRY POTTER :: I got my Harry Potter this morning (finally), so that's basically what I've spent my afternoon on. I've reluctantly dragged myself away from it to write the test paper I'm doing with my class tomorrow, but I'm done now so I shall return to bed and keep reading, probably all night or until I finish the book. It's sort of a tradition for me. *lol* I'm almost exactly half way through now. Aaaargh I love it! Absolutely wonderful, my Harry :) K, that's all, speak soon, byeeee.
:: 25Jun03 01:50 :: MEH :: Yeah well originally this was gonna be a long entry about, er, things. But now it's late. So is short entry about nothing. Had long discussion with my nan about where I'm heading (yawn) - repeat ad lib. She "accepts my choice", but that don't mean nothing, as they all do and bitch about me behind my back. Maybe some day I will write sth about finally getting emancipated from my loser of a father. WTF, I don't care. I know who I can trust ().
Got a bit of a shock earlier today after I'd read up on the Rules on bringing pets to Britain... 6 months quarantine. This excludes cats and dogs under the PETS scheme, and also horses (phew!!).... but not guinea pigs. So, er, basically, Charlie and Lucy are staying here. I could smuggle them if I was mad, but with my luck (or lack of), I'd definitely be caught. I ain't too keen on paying £5000 or even spending some time in prison. Chantal has agreed to take them, she'll be only too happy as they're gorgeous little beings.
Er yeah. As this is not gonna be a long entry about things, I shall bugger off to bed now. Hooray. Make sure to check the cam pic on the right to see my sunburn in full. *hehe* Got that this afternoon during one of our teacher training courses. OK, so I insisted on staying in the sun for 90mins... I'm sure I had my reasons. My dark pink reasons... :|
:: 24Jun03 00:30 :: ALL I HAVE :: Well I'm back. Surprised? Thought I'd stay where the sun always shines? Would do if it was paid well enough. OK, the sun doesn't always shine in the Bourgogne - I had a fabulous time anyway. It was very hot most of the time... and I do mean unbearably hot at times, and I wish to stress that I generally enjoy the heat. Hooray for Lara and her A/C (yes we did at one point consider just driving around to enjoy the coolness she provided).
I took about 100 photographs, a selection of which I will show you tomorrow or whenever. I got 4 new churches for my "Gothic collection", saw a couple of cool castles (cool as in "interesting", NOT as in "the opposite of hot"). I also found out that Lara brakes when she's on Cruise and you drive down a steep hill (cute right?). My mum & I got along pretty well... enjoyed the same things... ok, I don't think she was too happy when I disappeared upstairs as soon as we got back. Meh, me got sth waiting, sth more than a plant that needs watering. *ahem*
Things are confusing right now. I need to sort out my thoughts. See - not being online means you have all this time to think about things. Often it would be preferable not having time to think. But I know eventually I will have to think (and even worse: decide!) anyway. And it won't always be easy.
Like my horsey. What am I gonna do with him when I move to London? I know it's gonna sound immature and trivial to most of you, but he's a Real Problem. Capital R and P. I want to, I have to go to London. I am SOOOO excited, and SOOOO looking forward to this. But there's Karim. I can't let go of him. My mum made a BIG fuss the other day about how I'd have to sell him, that obviously I wouldn't be able to pay for his rent and she wasn't gonna, and she added up all the money she'd wasted on my horses so far and told me it had all been a waste as I barely rode them, blabla, and that this was the end of it. As if riding was the whole point. They are my babies!!!
And yes the wise thing would be to sell him. If I started looking now maybe I'd find somebody who'd treat him right? I probably would. But I couldn't guarantee it. And I'm not ready to entrust near strangers with my most precious Prince. Actually I'm not ready to hand him over to anyone. He's mine. I am SO JEALOUS you have no idea. Unless you've experienced me with BML Me, then you'll have an idea. *lol* But this is 10 times worse cuz BML Me can choose her friends, and I abide by her judgment; whereas my Prince's fate depends all on me.
Which basically means NO ONE IS GONNA HAVE HIM. Which means I'm gonna have to integrate the "Karim factor" into whatever choice I make for my own life. I mean, short-term, I can pull him thru for half a year or so. After that I don't know. Am I gonna let this govern my life? Yep, looks like it. He is SO special. SO I am obsessed with horses - you got a problem with that? At least he doesn't drink & beat me up. Ha. Meh - *sigh* all the same. :|
:: 20Jun03 02:30 :: ALRIGHT :: It seems to me I promised some people that I would update this thing before buggering off to France.... this is kinda complicated now as it's very late, I'm extremely tired and also moderately drunk. I need to get up before noon tomorrow to pack my bags, wash my hair, clean my car and stuff like that. Well for a while I've wanted to post an edited version of an email I sent a friend, about moving back to the UK, and about the job I have right now, and my future; and seeing as I don't have anything better to offer right now, I thought I might as well, so here goes.
I've found I really hate this job, it frustrates me BIG time, I feel like I constantly have to put on an act, with the kids as well as with the other teachers. Also I'm just not motivated enough, and too cynical. I lack the idealism that is probably needed to do a good job. And well, it just makes me unhappy and that's it. I hate going to work in the morning 70% of the time, I hate realising I'm not making as much effort as I could and should (but I also know I could never make any more effort than I do), I hate seeing how the whole system works and feeling it's all fake.. I hate Luxembourg, the hypocrisy, the backstabbing, the lack of honesty...
AND I miss England, still. I knew I did all along. Then I went back over the term break , and the moment I touched British ground I KNEW this was where I belonged. I actually cried when I got there, I was so happy cuz I felt so at home. So that's pretty much when I decided. Everything was just so wonderful. Of course I may be idealising things, but I can only find out by trying.
[...] You know how I used to freak at the thought of not having that safety net, how I thought financial security was everything I needed, and that I could deal with the fact that the job I did wouldn't be my dream job... I've kinda made a 180° turn. I've experienced it - I earned twice the money I needed (even if it was only for 6 months), and did I feel content? Hell no.
It was nice to have the money - I could buy a Game Boy Advance, and a new GBA game every week if I so desired, I could buy myself a new car, I got a satellite dish so I could watch UK TV, I travelled to the UK knowing I could afford to stay in 3* or even 4* hotels if I wanted (I ended up sleeping on friends' floors/in friends' beds for 5 of the 6 nights), but I don't think any of that made up for the fact that I truly LOATHE my job 2/3 of the time.
Don't get me wrong. I like my kids, I really do, I mean they're about 18-19 on average. I can relate to them in so many ways. We'd have the greatest time going out for a drink, or just lying on the lawn and chatting (and sometimes we're not far from that). But teaching them? Being the "authority person"? Representing an institution, when my whole essence, ALL I am about is OPPOSING any institutions? It makes me sick.
I don't know where I'll be heading from here. I don't know what I want from life. But I know what I don't want, and I know that's a start. I feel so liberated, so excited. Yes, I may end up jobless at 35 and I may regret taking the risky road. But I know I would definitely regret it if I didn't shake off the old fears, if I chose to remain stuck in this dead end - I would always be convinced that I'd have lost out on the opportunity of a lifetime. I'm grasping it now.
:: 17Jun03 19:50 :: LOOKIE!!! :: New layout. Was quite bored of the other one, so I decided to make some changes. Nothing too elaborate, I only really changed the CSS file and the graphics, esp. as I'm planning to completely re-organise the whole site as soon as I get the time. The "arty" stuff will probably move to a separate site, and I'll probably get rid of some of the useless crap, like all them pics etc. I want some of the site at least to be in frames again, as it allows you to get much more creative. I'll also start using Movable Type for the diary, and maybe a photoblog. (?) And then there's that PHP for Dummies I ordered that needs to be put into practice... :D
My mum and I have just decided to go to the Bourgogne this week-end. You see, Monday's a bank holiday - we were gonna go to Paris, but with the strikes & stuff it wouldn't be much fun, so we changed our minds. Lara will be joining us of course :) We'll be leaving around noon on Friday and coming back Monday night. Hooray! Let's get out of this shit hole! Damn, that reminds me... I have these little furry things that need taking care of... [...] ah ok, Chantal has room for them. Thank goodness :)
LOL, I rang my mum earlier to tell her about offers/flights etc for the week-end. We spent about 15mins discussing things, then decided on the Bourgogne, then hung up... and then my mum came upstairs and said "do you know we've just spent a quarter of an hour talking on the phone, when we're just a flight of stairs apart? Your dad would've killed us!" It was very funny tho (hehe @ BML Me, and you were commenting on me ringing Martine when she lives down the road...). The reason I rang my mum tho was that I had this online stuff to read out to her and was too lazy to copy or print it! *chuckle*
Ah, did I mention I've also told our headmaster and our teacher training co-ordinator that I'm leaving this summer? With every person I tell I get excited all over again, just cuz it's yet another step towards London. They were both very understanding. The only people to sorta disapprove are my nan and my tutor. Well, my nan strongly disapproves... but that's a complicated matter anyway. *hehe*
:: 15Jun03 18:10 :: TOO BORED :: to do any work. Been aimlessly floating around the Net all day, and I really mean all day. I haven't left the PC since I got up at around 11 this morning ('cept for a short trip to a service station to get Coke & food). It would be a typical Sunday for me if only I didn't have all these papers to correct (that I should have corrected last week-end), lessons to prepare and reports to write. I'll be at it until 2am. Unless I decide to just screw it all. *lol*
Meh, but since I've been around a bit I thought I'd share some of my findings with you. There are still countless gems out there just waiting to be found. However, since I am far too lazy to crawl around looking for them myself, I have a few places I go to that do the job and present it to me in a nicely bundled and digestible form. My main, my most wonderful source is B3ta, they're absolutely fantabulous. You'll find that their stuff regularly creeps up in other places too, e.g., German Satiric magazine Titanic, or Graham Norton, among others.
Anyway, here's my own bundle of visit-worthy places... first off there's the Rotten Library (no, there's no gore there!), which is oddly informative and well written (much like h2g2). I've spent a few hours there, learning new things, having old things confirmed, and finding wonderfully concise essays about some things I'd been wondering about.
This Lego style Flash game is rather cool. I died before I could finish it, but it's amusing anyway. IsThisYou tries to reunite lost photos and their owners. Mainly UK. Very cute. Oh, and it's always interesting to read Google's Zeitgeist from time to time. BTW, it still makes me chuckle how people enter Expedia into Google rather just trying Expedia.com - are they completely thick or what!?
:: 14Jun03 23:10 :: LMAO :: Hehehe, am watching Graham Norton. Am watching cuz of Brian Molko, who should be on some time soon. But in the meantime I have been allowed to watch LaToya Jackson, talking of course about, um, whatshisface, Michael. He's her brother apparently. She was sweet about the whole thing. What she said about Martin Bashir and stuff was quite true, quite nice and quite insightful. And she sounds SO MUCH like him! Just the way they talk... freaky.
[...] OMG @ Brian Molko!! OMG @ wearing a voice-activated vibrator that Brian Molko sings "Nancy Boy" into! OMG! That's about as close as a woman can get to having sex with him! BML Me, why didn't you tell me about that!?!? I woulda recorded it!!! *drools in rememberance*
SIGH. Ah well. Doesn't involve his neck. BTW, I've sold my car. Hooray! Got 200Euro for it. Hooray! That's better than I'd expected (i.e. nothing). Hooray!
OK, goodnight. :)
:: 13Jun03 19:10 :: FANATICISM :: I haven't had an MJ entry in a while and since I have about 30mins before I'm picking up Craig I thought I might as well.
Right. Let me explain for those who don't get engrossed with MJ boards like some of us. MJ was in Gary. Sandy aka seeskaper got, well let's say handcuffed, for misbehaving in the general madness. Or maybe she didn't misbehave, but she got handcuffed, i.e. "detained" anyway. Sandy's a long time fan, she basically follows him around everywhere she can (and looks like she can afford to follow him around everywhere - good for her). She's met him countless times. She plasters photographic proof of such meetings all over the Net. This creates jealousy among some fans, which is increased by the fact that Sandy can seem quite arrogant towards "ordinary fans" when they come across her at MJ events.
OK. So she got handcuffed, it was shown on Entertainment Tonight, there is a pic making a round on the Net, and the reaction of course was quite, um, extreme, once it came out on the MJ boards. What ensued was a violent fight on the KOP board, mainly in this thread. Basically it ended up with people accusing other people of doing this-and-that to meet/touch/talk to MJ (each party of course insisting that the other party was more fanatical, desperate, deluded and so on, and providing "proof" as well as they could)... oh and oviously insulting each other at the lowest level in the process.
Now I won't deny I found it amusing. I also won't deny I am not completely innocent in spreading the incriminating picture to some people. But the fight that ensued... what kinda alienated me is that these people are accusing each other of being abominable & despicable people, having "no life" or whatever, when they're really all in the same boat. We're all bloody MJ fanatics! We all go crazy when he's around!!! What's the fucking point in trying to prove to whatever other fan that nooo, you get less excited or irrational when you have the chance of seeing MJ. We all get excited! We all do crazy things! I've done things I didn't think myself capable of, put myself and others in dangerous situations because of the "MJ thrill". I'm aware of it and sometimes I'm freaked out by it.
If you look at it rationally, none of us are completely sane. Those that seek their thrill in following a megastar around and touching his hand or talking to him simply are not "the norm"! (I'll be the last person to condemn that. Am just saying!). Yet, rather than uniting and trying to defend their cause against the rest of the world (which they do sometimes!), they hate on each other, get their claws out and hurl the meanest insults at each other!
It's all so petty. So petty. I'm not saying we should all love each other. There are different opinions, interests, judgments... but must it degenerate into a furious battle of insults & hateration? So petty. Jealousy plays a big part in it of course. Resentment. Primitivity. Humans are primitive. Ah there we have it proven yet again. Hooray! My cynicism confirmed! *lol* Seriously tho. What a damn shame.
:: 12Jun03 21:10 :: ANOTHER UPDATE :: BML Me's got a job!
Craig is coming again tomorrow night.
I'm watching the last ever Buffy episode right now!
I watched Hero last night and loved it.
It's sooooo hot in here I think I'm gonna die!
Yeah that's pretty much it.
:: 12Jun03 19:40 :: UPDATE :: BML.
:: 10Jun03 23:10 :: TELLY. WORK. PIGS. THINGS. ETC. :: OMG I freakin' lurve The Osbournes! Haven't watched it in ages cuz it seems so hard to catch it on German MTV. And now (along with MTV fuckin' Cribs) it's on all the bloody time! So I'm back to watching it. Along with 100 other useless shows. Weakest Link is on pretty much all day. On BBC2, UK Living, UK Living+1... Then there's Charmed and Buffy, I mean there's Buffy every day on Sky One Mix, plus the new series on Sky One (I think?), and then there's old Knight Rider, The Bill, Eastenders... MAJOR TELEVISION OVERLOAD!!!! I mean I hadn't properly watched telly in MONTHS! And now there's just sooo much! What do I need 200 TV channels for????
Lazing around, that's what I need it for. And I love it. Hey I've decided to quit school, so I ain't gonna let them bully me into doing all those stupid assessments. I'mma correct papers, prepare lessons every once in a while, and that's it. Other than that... summer holidays here I come! The only thing I'm afraid of is that I'm gonna spend my summer watching television instead of deciding what to do with my life. Bah, I guess I'll get bored of telly eventually.
Ah yay, finally an Osbournes episode that doesn't bleep out the cursing. *heehee* Ah yes, I was gonna show you my pig. I washed her. Now she's shiny. She was fucking disgusting, she had fucking piss all over her fucking butt. Hahaha, hooray for the Osbournes. OK, here are the pics:
:: 10Jun03 15:20 :: HOT HOT HOT :: Meh, we still have around 30ºC, and it's so humid! I've just been for lunch at a friend's, was nice (and less hot than up here in my room), and now I'm gonna have to do some work (not cool, so I s'pose that's hot too!)
Something else that's hot: I got Seb's Neck for my collection, and hell does he have sexy sternocleidomastoids or what?? :D :D :D So thanks again Seb! :) And all the rest of you - get your cameras out, you lazy bums! *heehee*
:: 08Jun03 18:20 :: HOME ALONE AGAIN :: Well not really, but anyway, Craig's gone. I had the most fantastic week-end, we had a lot of fun! I also saw places I had never seen, or hadn't seen in ages (yes yes, in my own country), and learnt heaps of things too. You know, Craig is one of those guys who know all sorts of things, and you know how I love that. He has a great sense of humour too & we got along really well. Went to see one of our castles (went up by cable car, yippie!), then out for dinner with some friends & on to some party (tho not for long). Then today we went to the History Museum of our city. I'd never been and it was very interesting. :) Yeah so it was generally fab and hopefully he'll be coming back before he returns to Sydney :)
Shame I sprained/twisted my ankle again yesterday as I'm totally disabled now. Hobbled around on crutches today, I mean I don't wanna make the same mistake I made last time, i.e. strain it as soon as I can just about use it again, as it will only slow down the healing process from a week or so to a couple of months. *lol* Good thing I have 2 more days off. It's the right foot this time btw.
It's still so friggin' hot here. We had this mad (but v. short) thunderstorm earlier, but it's made absolutely no difference. *sigh* Ah well I shouldn't complain. I hate the cold even more. :P
:: 06Jun03 13:40 :: IT'S OFFICIAL :: I've told my tutor that I will be leaving school, and some other people at school too. So it's pretty much official now, and I won't go back on my decision. My mum isn't happy after all. Neither is my tutor. His other tutee is leaving this summer too - he must be thinking there's sth wrong with him. *lol* Apparently there are a lot of English teachers who leave and go back to the UK. Not surprising really. Who'd want to live here when you've experienced a place as fabulous as the UK?
I still have to go to my boring class this afternoon tho. What a hassle! After that I'll have to tidy the dump I call my room, or Craig will die of a heart attack tomorrow ;)
Yeah so that's it really. Have to be off now. I don't suppose you'll get many updates over the week-end, but I'll tell you all about what we did when Craig's gone. I hope the weather will be ok.
:: 04Jun03 12:50 :: HOORAY!!! :: Citz has Satellite! With a capital S! Has UK Telly! With a capital T! Is very weird, cuz shouldn't be UK Telly here, but is SOOOO cool! Not that there's much on right now. Buffy in a minute tho. Well in 15mins. Yeah, not much else to say. It's still sunny outside, which is good, but I am soooo knackered, cuz the Telly guys woke me at 8.15 or sth. Went back to bed after they'd left, but only had another 2hrs of sleep or so. Not enough, definitely not enough.
Craig, Australian guy, will come to visit this week-end. Picking him up from the station on Sat morning. He's doing Europe by bike! BIKE! Imagine! Tho he keeps catching trains in between... but still. Insane! I mean I know people do it, but... insane! Yeah so I'll prolly pick him up by bike too, as it would be hard to put his bike on the car. Yeah so... bike. Exercise. *eek!!!* You know, Lux has lots of valleys & hills. Up & down... = exhausting! I used to be able to do them, back when I was fit. Anyway, I've decided to probably cycle to uni today. Since is so nice & sunny :) Will tell you how it went!
:: 03Jun03 10:55 :: PHEW :: Fucking hell, I almost died there! You know I'll be going to the Placebo concert on Sunday to drool at Brian Molko right? Well I still hadn't received a ticket by this morning and got really worried, so I decided to call them, but first look around for my confirmation e-mail. Didn't find that anywhere, so I assumed I had ordered it with my Hotmail account, the one that gets all the spam (and which I regularly empty without even looking at the mails). So I go to their website to find a telephone number and read this: After payment has been done you will will receive a second email including your virtual entrance ticket (E-Ticket). This code is very important and should not be lost. Of COURSE I'd deleted whatever e-mail I'd received from them, since it had gone straight into my spam account! I almost died! The concert is sold out by now of course. So I phoned them up whingeing, and luckily they were willing to give me the entrance code by phone (I did think they would, but I was still hella scared that it might not work).
Ah I've just realised it's 11.00am. This time last year my dad was dead. He died around 1/4 to 11, so I spent the time he died on the phone freaking about a Placebo ticket. *lol* Yeah, today's the anniversary of his death, fortunately I don't have much time to think about it. Must prepare yet another paper now. Hooray for work! *sigh*
:: 01Jun03 17:25 :: ENGLAND PICTURES :: OK so here's the photo update. Have only chosen a few, I feel that's quite enough. Clickable of course, and they have descriptions too if you hover. Hope you likes.
:: 01Jun03 13:15 :: THE CITZ IS BACK HOME! :: Yes indeed! I'm back, all in one piece. I've brought lots of stuff, lots of pics, lots of food, lots of memories. *sob* Aaaah England was SOOOO nice! I mean, it was REALLY good, I had so much fun, spoke to so many wonderful people new and old, and bought lots of cool stuff. I will definitely put the pics online later (if I find the time, as I have work to do).
HOORAY for England. My decision to move back still stands. The questions are: where to, and when. The options are Brighton and London for place, and soon or after I finish my training for time. Time depends on how much I hate my job, and place depends on... well, lots of things. Indeed. We shall see! I'll have the summer to look into things. Also trying to find a career I would like. Any suggestions welcome ;)
I got my Giant Microbes, as you have probably seen on the cam pic. Aren't they the mega-cutest little things? Um, giant things? *hehe* I've also moved the two UK entries to here, cuz I like having everything together. Will have to read all the diaries I missed now, then I'll be off out into the sun with my papers to correct. Hooray for the sun too!
read on > May 2003