If I only could....
Category: Life & Me | 4 Comments | Posted 11:59Here's a whingeing entry.
Jobs jobs jobs... I keep applying for jobs and... nothing nothing nothing.
Well I would've had an interview next week, but I couldn't go. Because I will be abroad. When I rang them up the woman was like "well first, congratulations on being abroad!" *lmao* What's that supposed to mean? "You had better stay at home if you want a job missy!" I know she was only being polite. My mum certainly thinks so tho.
I think so too. I transferred L.J. some money for the water bill this morning... and had a look at my account... and basically there ain't much left on there. Where did all the money go!? Ok I've not been that careful, but I didn't think I'd spent that much either. 
So basically I have next to no money, but lots of plans to spend some. How fun. I want my interest-free overdraft back. 
Oh and the Arabic course I signed up for is full. Great. Good thing about that is, those £125 will stay in my account. 
So I'll learn Arabic from my self-learn book instead (yeah right...).
Yeah so that's all. I should go to the post office... and to work. Eventually. I feel very unpink but somehow I still like my layout. Must have to do sth with Helium. I also still have S.O.D. Should subside soon tho, these extreme phases never last very long. Rejoice rejoice. Or sth. 
MonkeyBush
Category: Randomness | 5 Comments | Posted 19:54
Doesn't he look adorably stupid? I just wanna cuddle him!
I would almost feel sorry for him... if only he wasn't one of the most powerful men on the planet.
PS Even more cuteness!!!!
It's the little things...
Category: Randomness | 3 Comments | Posted 22:09Just booked my ticket to get to Heathrow on Sunday....
Total cost : £24.50
National Express Points redeemed : 480 (worth £4.80)
Amount payable : £19.70 to be billed to your credit / debit card
PS I love my Pet®!
I love this smiley
Category: Opinionated | 12 Comments | Posted 23:48
I also love Lo (and I own her neck).
And squiZZ of course.
And Mon & d but they're avoiding me. 
You wait til Sunday! 
Random thoughts
Category: Randomness | 5 Comments | Posted 2:08Bono was here for the Labour conference. He supports Blair. He thinks he has "some great ideas". I thought Bono was a pacifist. OK he's mainly interested in "dropping the debt" and apparently New Labour is doing a great job there. Well as Private Eye pointed out:
£1billion what British gov't has pledged to paying off debt of poorest nations over the next 10 years.
£5billion what they have already spent on Iraq campaign.
Way to go. You tell 'em Bono!
My Lauryn. I don't get it. You want to serve your God? Well how about you use the greatest gifts "he" gave you - your writing talent and your incredible voice?! Instead of pretending you're serving him by croaking unplugged and unprepared. *ugh* If only you recognized the only divine thing about all of this is you you you. Ah but there's a new single/video in the pipeline - here's hoping.
The end. Bedtime was 2hrs ago.
PS I despise humanity.
Cruising around...
Category: Life & Me | 4 Comments | Posted 0:08Yep I'm travelling the world yet again (quiet conquest!). As most of you will know, I am off to cold Norway to visit my wonderful Mon for 6 days! Yeah I know y'all are jealous and so you should be. I'd be jealous too if I wasn't me. 
I'm gonna miss you all (esp. Lo & Mel... I'd miss Matty too but he's never on anyway *sulk*) ... I hope you will miss me too and if not then screw you, I never liked you anyway.
I'm sure Mon will make me update at some point, she always bosses me around like that. Did I mention I am excited? My most lovely property's gonna pick me up from the airport tomorrow altho is quite a way out for him. I have a good property!
Now I will be off.
Byeeee!!
Did you know?
Category: Mon & Lo updates | 6 Comments | Posted 18:26I have the greatest Mon in the whole wide world.
I have a WAM!!
Category: Mon & Lo updates | 4 Comments | Posted 1:50Ja so I am Mon, and I have a WAM. It is 02.29. That's almost two thirty. Mhm. I'm drinking Pepsi Max (and so should you because it's greeeeat). WAM is peeing. We're listening to Phil Colins. (one or two "l"'s? 
) It's not very fun. The music I mean. But I don't know how to change it. Is this Yahoo Launch thing you see (or at least I think so?!), and since I never use it I don't know how to work it. Or maybe I'm just too lazy to change window and change music and this is starting to make little sense, I know, but I'm tired so you will have to forgive me, or not.
But anyway! We were going to write about our day! Because it's been a very interesting day you see. Ja. So. I woke up at around 12.30. And I woke up E.T. and E.T. woke up WAM. Well maybe WAM was already awake, but she was still in her bed. Ja, E.T. is the dog btw.
And er... ja so we got dressed and stuff. And we drove to to Rimi and bought:
2 Pizzas
1 Bread
1 Chocolate milk
1 Box-thingy with grapes
1 Big chocolate
1 Bag of Laban Seigmen
3 Apples
4 Yoghurts
And then we drove back home and ate breakfast. And then ate a big piece of cheese cake each for dessert.
Ja so then Mon (that's me) spent hours, many many hours playing The Sims on WAM's GBA. Which she found very fun-fun. And WAM read her boring book and talked to people online every now and then.
Hmmm. Ja. So then this squiZZ-Ally-person-WAM-Pet-thing came online and told us to get drunk, so we did. Got drunk I mean. And when we had got drunk, he disappeared! 
Which Mon thought was very rude. *stubborn Yahoo smiley*
So drunk we were and bored we were, and no one was online to entertain us. But HA! We found a very lovely Jon. It's secret why and how we found him, but we found him. Yes I've already mentioned that, but I'll say it again; we found a cute Jon. (did you know they get FREE food in the army? Sorry had nothing to do with Jon, but DID you know?!) So from now on we won't talk to anyone but Jon. Mhmm.
Ja so that was our day. Now we are sitting here. In front of Mon's computer that is. Mon is writing, WAM is hiccuping. Is very fun. Goodnight.
PS (WAM here) You seeeeee why I am in love with myyyyyyyyyyyyyy Mon and not willing to share!??!!??! You SEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!?!?!??!?
Update from Mir-place-Norway
Category: Mon & Lo updates | 5 Comments | Posted 20:37Hello! How are you? We are good, yes we are. Mon has a WAM. And WAM has a Mon. We are in Oslo now, at Mir's place. It's cold here. Well WAM thinks it's hot, but she's a bit strange. She's eating salad. See the people who live here are nice and give us food. (Ja so apparently it's not only in the army one gets free food. )
We've been to Burger King today. In Oslo. Next to the tube/train/subway/thingy station. You know, on Karl Johan. Aha. We ate there. Chicken burgers. Oh ja and that's where we met Mir. At Burger King. Well outside Burger King. After Burger King we went to some cafè place. It was raining and it was cold. Because we sat outside and not inside. Because we're unhealthy and smoke. Well not WAM obviously.
We're here now. In Mir's flat. Mir's sister and friend are here. And WAM and I.
I will show you pictures. Yes I will!
This is Mir:
She owns this place. Did I already mention that? Lots of other people live here too. Students. She shares a kitchen with some of them. In the kitchen there is a guy with scary eyes. I haven't seen him with my own eyes, but I've heard the rumours about him. Mir speaks funny. Funny funny-speak.
See that's me typing. And Mir and WAM on the sofa. It's not really that dark and un-cozy here, but we had to use the crappy webcam for pictures because Mir's USB cable has vanished so we can't use her digital camera.
Here's another sofa picture. Mir's sister is wearling greeeeeeeeeeeeen trousers.
We like her.
This is my WAM. Isn't she cute?
She can speak funny-speak too, but you already know that because she has made funny-speak-video-entry before.
I don't think I have anything else to say right now. I will speak to people here instead. Oh ja, and we love Jon!
Ta-ta!
BA Online Checkin ROCKS!!!
Category: Life & Me | 3 Comments | Posted 14:49So here's an update by me for a change. Ja I know there was one yesterday which has been removed, lol, but that doesn't count. 
Ja is nice weather outside so apparently we should go out. Maybe we will. But is also cold. Tho is cold inside too cuz I have cold fingers.
Is my last day in Norway, did I mention? Not the last day ever in my life I wouldn't think, but the last day of this trip. Which is why I've just used BA online checkin and discovered yet again how cool it is. You can even print your own boarding pass, but Mon's printer doesn't work (or is not yet installed on new PC?) and I have a suitcase so will have to go to desk anyway, aaand using the funky self service boarding terminals is very fun too! Is so much cooler to press a "yes" button next to "Did you pack your luggage yourself?" on a touchscreen than saying "yes" to a person who asks you the same question. Well it is for an antisocial geek like me anyway. And it didn't even bother me that the guy who'd told me about the cool self service terminals was standing next to me smiling and looking on the whole time I was doing this, so I shared my excitement over this new-found toy with him and he didn't seem to mind.
And the next guy who pointed me to the right desk for luggage checkin was very helpful and friendly too, and there were no queues at all and the girl at the desk was friendly too, and I was so surprised at all this that I exclaimed to her "God, everyone is so friendly here today!" which I think she found a bit offensive. But the fact of the matter is, Heathrow is very big and scary and usually everyone is veeery stressed and in a bad mood and well, unfriendly. At least it used to be like that. Gatwick is much nicer. But maybe Heathrow staff have been briefed about friendliness or sth. Or maybe they have put some light mood-enhancing drug into the air conditioning.
Hm yeah so much about the delights of air travel. Yesterday we went to Oslo again to meet with Tris Mir d, it was very cool. We made chicken tandoori (well Mir made with Tris' help, and d did the dishes, and Mon and I sat on the sofa and were lazy), and then we ate chicken tandoori (all of us incl. Mon and me) and bitched about MJ fans in general and some MJ fans in particular, and we watched TV, Family Guy for instance (the episode with Kiss), which no one except me laughed at (a shocking fact I shared with squiZZ later so we in turn bitched about people who do not find Family Guy funny), and also Three Non Blondes in the City which I had never seen before and is very fun (hopefully I can download somewhere), and Homsepatruljen, which is the Norwegian version of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, which is very funny too apparently but I cannot be the judge of that cuz I didn't understand much of it and wasn't watching anyway. And everyone smoked loads (except d and I, and d left pretty early on to go to work and protect the city from all sorts of threats... or sth), and then eventually we left.
And now I am here listening to Launch and chatting to squiZZ (who wants us to make muffins and take photos and said he'd do the same but I don't believe him) and I have written a very long entry about really not much at all. I hope Lo will be satisfied. I have 3l of Diet Coke that I must finish because Mon refuses to keep it (she drinks Pepsi Max - eek), so I'd better hurry.
[Edit] Mon has just read the entry and pointed out that she never laughs when watching TV, so she is excused. Mir and Tris laughed loads during Homsepatruljen tho so they still suck. [/Edit]
Welcome back...
Category: Life & Me | 7 Comments | Posted 2:27... to my life.
Not like you've had a break or anything but I dunno what else to say. I just got home, the flat is empty and smells of chicken (and makes me want to eat chicken). Oh I've just read BML diary and now I know why the flat is empty. But not why it smells of chicken.
Are you finding it strange that me and my flatmate are in part (not entirely) communicating via our diaries... and on Yahoo and other shit, anyway not any way that may be deemed "normal" by... "normal" people? Mhm. Ja maybe it's strange, I don't know. I could say things about this but I will not, cuz at the end of the day I don't care, it's just tiring and complicated.
Hm anyway it's late and I should go to bed soon. I've just reread that previous entry and found it sounds very Mon-influenced. I miss Mon. I could easily imagine living my life in her shadow - l'ombre de ton ombre, l'ombre de ta main, l'ombre de ton chien. Which reminds me, I have to go to Paris to visit Caro before the end of the year.
I had an interesting trip back. I would tell you about it but I wrote all about it in a (sort of) letter so maybe I'll edit and recycle that. And if not... well it wasn't really that interesting. The only reason I'm still writing is cuz I am downloading stuff. I'd rather be in bed, trust me! Ok 5MB to go so I'm off, bye!
PS I very much love my Mon and my Pet. Mhm.
Sound advice
Category: Randomness | 13 Comments | Posted 13:56well, stop befriending people who live in other countries
quoth conquest. Yes, thank you. I shall bear that in mind.
Picture questionnaire
Category: Memes | 9 Comments | Posted 23:07Ja so I said I was gonna do this....
Stolen from squiZZ who stole from Jon...
Dear Diary
Category: Life & Me | 5 Comments | Posted 18:50Things I did today
- sleep
- chat
- finish one book
- read about half of another
- eat half a pizza
- read and reread old letters
- check and recheck the same sites
- hug the toilet
- get ready for a job interview
- feel sick, cold, tired, ugly, sad, confused
Things I didn't do today
- go to the job interview
- apply for any other job
- do anything remotely job-related
- phone Sussex uni about Arabic course
- clean the kitchen, lounge, bedroom
- leave the house
- speak
- feel happy, healthy, hopeful, human
Up up and away!!!
Category: Randomness | 6 Comments | Posted 17:20Today is good. It's raining and miserable but I don't care, I woke up and felt good and knew it was gonna be a good day. It could have shifted along the way but so far it hasn't, and that too is good.
So today I have:
- listened to my new REM album about 5 times
- cleaned the kitchen
- cleaned & tidied my room & thrown out loads of old stuff
- cleaned the lounge
- rung the Arabic guy (he wasn't in, but I rang!!)
- been to the recycling centre with tons of stuff
Looking back...
Category: Life & Me | 3 Comments | Posted 1:17Dwelling on the past is bad according to d. But I like jumping back from time to time... esp. cuz my archives make it so easy.
Two years ago
- I had just got a new guinea pig.
- I'd booked a ticket for a Wyclef concert... he cancelled tho, the bastard.
- I was missing England a lot but was convinced it was gone forever.
- I had a job that I hated, but that paid well & that was safe.
- I had my 1st appointment at the therapist.
- I had a bot.
- I was very much in love with Michelle.
- squiZZ was still using aNNoying speLLing!
One year ago
- I had no job but was not terribly bothered about it.
- I was not yet squiZZobsessed (hard to believe I know), but as good as.
- Still I was top result on Google for crazy obsessed (I guess it was MJ back then!?)
- We'd just discovered Grouphug.
- I was not yet talking to d. (!)
- I was mainly being lazy and reading and chatting. Some things never change.
PS Vega just pointed me to this video (Quicktime), it's incredibly funny!! 
It's soooooo L.J. and I!!!! You have to watch it!!!
DAMNIT
Category: Rants & Raves | 25 Comments | Posted 0:46I wanna run off. Just for a while.
1 month? 2 weeks even?
Far away from everyone.
It would be feasible.
But there's all these things.
Work tomorrow. On Monday. I might need this job?
Arabic on Wednesday. I paid money for this!
Interview on Thursday. That might be the one!?
I suck and I hate you all.
Asexuality and other links
Category: The Web | 1 Comments | Posted 22:39Hello I'm back. I'm alive, I'm ok, thanks for your sweet messages everyone. Maybe more on that one day. Maybe not. Now for some links.
Newscientist: Glad to be asexual
Very long article, I doubt any of you will wanna read it, tho it is interesting. The bottom line of it is: there are many people out there who feel no sexual desire and there need not be a disorder or trauma underlying it all. They are, essentially, announcing to the world that they are not broken or defective, or sexually dysfunctional. [...] Unsurprisingly, one of the hardest things about being asexual is convincing other people that there is nothing wrong with you. It goes on to say that (rare) studies have shown that this affects about 1% of the population and that there is evidence of asexual behaviour in other mammals as well. Well, interesting read for sure.
On a "lighter" note, there was some fabulous stuff in last week's B3ta newsletter.
Crazy llama song
Not unlike "badger badger badger - mushroom!!", but more disturbing, and definitely more addictive! Fucking hilarious!!!
Zoomy art project
This is incredibly cool. Woosh thru it al full speed for the funkiest effect, or zoom slowly and marvel at all the amazing detail.
ShittyBum
Obscure video for obscure song by obscure (Dutch) band... takes a while to load but it's strangely compelling.
Edit This Gif is kinda funny too. (apparently it's an old joke tho)
My flatmate's a whore..
Category: Opinionated | 7 Comments | Posted 21:35... and a big'un!!!!!
(I wonder if this will get me lots of Google referrals too )
By way of explanation...
Category: Me about me | 0 Comments | Posted 23:33Conversation with my mum
Me: I was in Paris this weekend. I freaked again on Friday night.
Mum: Ah. Why did you freak?
Me: Don't ask.
Mum: 
Ugh, I can't wait until he finally fucks off.
Me: Jaja. [...]
Mum: You know why you're depressed?
Me: Because I'm fat?
Mum: Very funny. Because you have no job and no future and no idea where your life is going.
Really now mum.
So on Friday night I ran off to Paris. The trigger wasn't so extraordinary, just the usual shit really (and sth that does not belong here), but shit piled upon shit and it seemed like a necessary relief. I really didn't think it was such a big deal.
Most people's reaction was baffling tho. They got mad, they worried, they texted... and it made me wonder. I'd freaked out on my blog before... but just because I decided to actually act upon it and make a spontaneous trip (duly encouraged by my counsellor), all of a sudden everyone thought there must be sth truly wrong?
I used to do this all the time! With no crisis involved whatsoever! Once my friend and I went to Paris for ONE night - we left at midnight and came back the next morning. Shocking waste of money (as was this trip), but so worth it. That's what I miss... that's one of the reasons I had to do this irrational thing. I feel like I'm suffocating here... I am stuck on this island, with the same circle of friends, the same recurring issues, the same things to do, the same worries.
Yes I chose all of this. But I also chose to go to Paris on Friday. Because I could. Because I wanted to prove to myself that there was still some of that old me left, the one that could afford to not give a shit. It's an illusion really - I couldn't and wouldn't really run off - for 2 weeks or a month. I am too fucking scared. But this I just about managed. Gotta hold on to some of it at least eh.
My bum hurts
Category: Photolog | 6 Comments | Posted 23:23And many other parts of my body. But that's ok, for I have actually done something... for the first time in a long long time. I am quite proud of myself.
It all started when I went to Lidl on Monday and they had a cool little bedside table for only £5.99. Since I've moved shelves around here, there's an empty space near the door and I thought that'd look neat there. Then I decided it'd be even neater if I painted something cool on it... since I had 3 days off with not much to do and I wanted to be online less. Woopeedoo!
Continue reading "My bum hurts"Creep
Category: Random Lyrics | 0 Comments | Posted 20:43Dedicated to Monica. (with apologies to my counsellor)
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so very special
But I 'm a creep
I 'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so very special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
She's running out again
She's running out
She run, run, run run
Run
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so very special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here.
Tsk, those Brightoners
Category: Randomness | 5 Comments | Posted 10:52My beloved Rotten Library has a section on subliminal images in advertising which includes this ad by D.J. Flooring with the wonderfully ambiguous (lol) slogan "Laid by the best" which features a girl fingering herself...
When conquest showed it to me a while back I saw the telephone area code & went "OMG that's a Brighton company!" - and indeed it is. I saw them again here by chance as they're located in a street I drive through quite a lot.
So that was fun. Then yesterday as I drove along Eastern Road I saw this:
*snigger* Brightoners rock! 
More fun stuff!
Category: The Web | 5 Comments | Posted 20:05Florida voting computers (RealVideo)
A cunning stunt (flash video)
Creativity II
Category: Randomness | 9 Comments | Posted 18:34Wheeeee!!! I've finished the bedside table. The other side doesn't feature Paris after all, but space (I couldn't have done it in a similar style without it looking crap), ... check it out. There are several imperfections but it will do.
While I was working out what to use I did some other stuff... this drawing of Notre Dame for instance which I'm almost pleased with (tho she's leaning to the left).
Also my own version of Magritte's Liberator (an idea I got because James Rizzi has done a funky version of Van Gogh's Starry Night). This is only a sketch cuz I'd considered using it for the table, but I kinda like it all the same.
What's wrong with me, actually being halfway satisfied with stuff I've created.
That's the whole, that's the part of it
Category: Life & Me | 7 Comments | Posted 1:10I have been asked to update. I said I didn't really have much to say, but I would try. So here I am.
I've also finally made a new layout. Slight Placebo mania here. I got the enhanced single for Twenty Years today, which has the video as Quicktime, which allows you to take screenshots, so there you go. I almost like the haircut even. And did I mention I will see him in 10 days? To some of you I did, but to the rest of you: Placebo live in 10 days! That's frighteningly soon. Even sooner than that I will have a Lo!
It's time to breathe
Category: Me about me | 0 Comments | Posted 13:37Is there a positive equivalent of regression?
Regression: Relapse to a less perfect or developed state.
What if you find you have developed in a way that you do not like, and you want to return to what you were before? I'm sure there's a word and I just can't think of it right now cuz my head is muddled.
While attempting to pick up the shattered pieces of my life I am finding comfort in people and friendships of the past. Some I had to actively start up again, like the one with Chris (yes Chris the bastard), some just had to be rekindled slightly, like those with Kristin or Caroline or Aniko, some had always remained but are now much more active again (my wonderful beloved Katja who now finally has broadband)...
I suddenly find myself surrounded again by the people that dominated my life years ago - before I got drawn into this strange circle of friends that proved so intense and exhausting and all-consuming And those people seem like a true graspable alternative, and I am hoping they will give me the structure and the support I need to free myself of this. Not abandon the new friends I have found, not make it all come undone... just break their spell over me and open up again to that other life I once had. And then maybe be able to savour it all, past, present and future.
Spending Spreeeeeeeee
Category: Life & Me | 10 Comments | Posted 18:20(imagine it said in squeaky Helium voice)
Today I bought:
Placebo - Once More With Feeling (Ltd Edition CD with Remix Bonus Disc)
Placebo - Once More With Feeling Videos DVD
Eminem - The Slim Shady LP
Eminem - The Eminem Show (no I didn't have them so far)
August Strindberg - Inferno/From An Occult Diary (yes! found it! 2nd hand & cheap!)
August Strindberg - A Madman's Defence (also cheap and autobiographical)
Garnier Belle Blonde Pre-Lightener
Schwarzkopf Live Real Red Colour Creme
Philip Cox - Strangely Familar Souvenir Guide
That's all.
But what a delightful day!
I also found out that the Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, which used to be small and boring, was transformed and expanded in 2002 and is now really rather amazingly interesting and cool. Sorry Craig, you missed out but Lo, I'mma drag you there!
[edit 19:45] Add to that: Silverchair - Diorama. [/edit]
[edit 22:20] Add to that: Dan Brown - Digital Fortress & Bill Bryson - A Short History of Nearly Everything. I'm really done now tho I swear. [/edit]
Oh you've gotta laugh
Category: Life & Me | 6 Comments | Posted 23:36Wam : so I finally considered joining the library....
"The present Brighton Library will be closing on Saturday October 30 2004 before reopening on 3 March 2005"
Typical
Craig :
Craig : ahem... sorry.
Wam : I can go to Whitehawk Library tho. just around the corner. how cute
Wam : I think I shall go there tomorrow
Wam : or maybe I shan't: "Wednesday Closed"
Bloody hotlinkers (muahaha)
Category: Updates | 23 Comments | Posted 17:50Grrrrrrrr.... a whole lot of forums hotlink to my wonderful Yahoo smileys. I finally got fed up with it today and added .htaccess files to the relevant directories which now redirect them to this wonderful picture (careful, not work safe!!) chosen for me by the annoying Tom.
Check out the cool effect... here or here or here Tom wasn't so amused when the pic showed up on his own forum but I've added him to the list of allowed domains now.
I just hope I haven't forgotten any places where I post myself...
[edit] even more fun... this thread after some people had noticed our cute lovers among their smileys [/edit]
All these questions....
Category: Opinionated | 16 Comments | Posted 22:36Is Arafat gonna die?
What's gonna happen if he does?
Is Bush gonna get re-elected?
Is MJ gonna end up in jail?
Does the EU have a chance?
When is the pope gonna die?
Does anyone actually care?
The world is an exciting place full of possibilities.
[edit] Mememe... dyed my hair again yesterday and just in case you were interested, here's a pic. [/edit]
Falling in love all over again...
Category: Randomness | 7 Comments | Posted 15:18... with the Scottish accent.
*sigh*
(and no lectures on "there isn't one single Scottish accent" please lol)