Monday September 1, 2003

Hello from Paris

Category: Life & Me | 10 Comments | Posted 11:06

Hey everyone, how's it hanging? :)) Things here are groovay, babay! Paris :x Paris :x Paris :x Paris :x Paris :x Paris.... and I'm not talking about Michael Jackson's daughter! :P

Yeah so the city is lovely as ever, I don't think I'll EVER tire of it, ever in my life. We went to see different exhibitions yesterday, about Tibet, contemporary chinese art and hygiene in the Middle Ages (they were cleaner than we thought!). I also bought a frigging funky top, very colourful, not unlike so many others I own. Weather is nice, not too hot but sunny now, and so far my mum and I haven't fought. :P

Yeah so I came online to get a quick update on the MJ Party, seems to have been fun. Not that I care. :| Fan communication system eh? I can just imagine them killing each other off to get their opinion through to Michael instead of anyone else. Oh wait, they're doing that already. Hm maybe this would be more democratic, so not only those with "connections" can bitch about others. :))

Aye that's it really. Will now do some more surfing, mailing, aimless floating, and then back out to hit the shops! :evil Be good my lovelies - and certain people should update their diaries!!!! X(

Wednesday September 3, 2003

Back home - the Paris travelog

Category: Life & Me | 14 Comments | Posted 23:04

Right, so I just got back from wonderful, gorgeous, incomparable Paris, most beautiful city in the world that I will never tire of. Am I annoying? Just have to stress it. Everyone must love Paris. Actually no. I'm not prepared to share it with everyone, so keep out! X( *heehee*

Right, so a shortish report, mainly cuz that way I can always look up what we did. Yeah so I told you about the first day. Then the 2nd day... er.. (see, I'm forgetting already) we went to the Assemblée Nationale to see the multiethnic Mariannes (but they'd taken them down, sod), to a photo exhib. of pretty Hungarian castles, and to the Champ de Mars for a rather interesting exhibition of satellite photographs of the world. It was all from an ecological point of view - "look what we've done to our planet, now we must be careful", which was interesting and depressing to see, but it was also quite cool in general. I love satellite pics. I took a photo of the one of Paris :))

Er, ah yes I went to WHSmith on Rue de Rivoli, ah and the wonderful Forum des Halles, as ever, for shopping (tho I didn't buy anything). And showed the Sainte Chapelle to my mum, one delicious little church. Much walking was done. Much walking was done throughout the whole trip. I calculated that we went to every arrondissement from 1 to 8 on our first 2 days, and we only caught the Metro twice. Paris isn't that big but it adds up. Which is the only reason we felt ready to go home today - legs and feet hurting. They were hurting after the 2nd day in fact :)) But our Paris trips are always like that and it would be a shame to miss out on walking around those wonderful streets :P

OK, 3rd day... in the morning my mum went to the Galeries Lafayette, which I find boring so I wandered around (found coool panorama photos of Paris) and went online. I realised that with Lafayette being in the 9th arr't, my mum would have "done" one more than I so I walked right across the 1st and 2nd to the 1st street corner of the 9th :)) Saw a nice church I'd never seen before on the way. Caught the Metro back tho :| On our "exhibition program" we had Marlene Dietrich at the fashion museum and a show of paintings by people in mental institutions (notably Arthur Bispo do Rosario), which was altogether rather cool. More walking was done, I dragged my mum up the hill to the Pantheon to see the Eglise St Etienne du Mont, which was closed (so we went back today).

Yeah so that was the first thing we did today, then we went down to the 14th arr't where there's a gorgeous hidden little street I wanted to show my mum. I tried to convince her to go to 11th, 12th and 13th first to not break the "rule" of visiting them all (the train station is in the 10th so that was covered), but she refused. :| Anyway, back up, went to the rather interesting "Crypte du Parvis Notre Dame" to study the history of the Ile de la Cité, then for a walk around the Ile St Louis, and that was it.

I am rather obsessed with Notre Dame. Always have been, but a little more now. 13 of my 57 pics taken are of Notre Dame. 26 are of 3 more churches. 18 are of other things :| I think I may start collectings Notre Dames. You know, cards, books, glass Notre Dames, china Notre Dames, plastic Notre Dames etc. It would be only one step further from collecting Gothic churches as I do now.

Right, that's it. Am home now, my legs have recovered on the long train journey, my suitcase isn't unpacked (and won't be for weeks) and I am online chatting. Business as usual. This was a rather lucrative trip btw, I went there with 20 Euros in my wallet and came back with 40! :)) Ah mums are a useful thing sometimes... :)) Will show you the jumper I (er, my mum) bought on my webcam. The pics will be on the MyPix site soon. And now will be off. Byyeeeeeee!

Thursday September 4, 2003


Category: Memes | 19 Comments | Posted 13:11

Behold a questionnaire I stole from Vega. Well part of it. The parts I liked. :P This was written last night cuz I was bored. That's my update for today sorted :D

x. Wallet:
Er it's blue and made of leather. A nice blue, and I can fit many things in it.
x. Hairbrush: I have a few but the one I used most before I cut my hair is tiny and black and cute. Now I just use my fingers.
x. Toothbrush: Green. They're always green these days. Well, and white.
x. Jewelry worn daily: Necklace. Right now, pentagram. In fact, most of the time. Sometimes my MJ fingerprint. And a snake ring I wear sometimes.
x. Pillow cover: Er... loads!? Right now I have a red/yellow/green patterned one. My favourite features Angelina :D
x. Blanket: Bed? Matching the pillow.
x. Coffee cup: Don't drink coffee. I have one with a sheep which I like. But it's a Hot Chocolate cup.
x. Sunglasses: Two MASSIVE seventies style black plastic ones (very cheap bought at Paris flea markets) which I wear on top of my regular glasses.
x. Shoes: OK this questionnaire is weird. Does it assume I only own one pair of shoes? I'm not wearing any now. So let's say trainers. I mostly wear trainers.
x. Favorite top: I have loads of favourite tops and most of them are very colourful. Or very black and gothic.
x. Favorite pants: Black and very long. I have a few of those.
x. Cologne/Perfume: Don't wear a lot of that but I like Sun by Jil Sander and Fahrenheit.
x. CD in stereo right now: Nothing cuz I moved them about but if I hadn't, it would be Placebo.
x. Tattoos: None yet. Hopefully I'll be getting a bat next month. :D And an MJ autograph next year :P
x. Piercings: One in my ear. Had 2 in 1 ear but one closed up. Want a nose ring, but I'm hesitating. Mainly from a health point of view.
x. What you are wearing now: My new jumper cuz I took a pic earlier and pyjama trousers.
x. Hair: short and red, unkempt, needing a wash. :))
x. Makeup: The little bit left from this morning... eyeliner and face powder.

WHO or WHAT (was/is/are) -
x. In my mouth: Right now: nothing but my tongue. From time to time: Asda traditional lemonade :x
x. In my head: not much else than the thoughts required to answer this questionnaire. And random memories of Paris.
x. Wishing: Nothing in particular. I hope I'll find a job. I hope I can be bothered to start looking.
x. After this: Bed with a magazine. Maybe checking some more diaries.
x. Talking to: No one now. Earlier, Lo and earlier still :xBML Me:x and teh Jarness.
x. If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason? My father for reasons explained in earlier entries. Tho if faced with the situation I might chicken out, but I can perfectly consider it in theory.
x. Is next to you: No one and nothing.
x. Some of your favorite movies: Um. Dracula, Hannibal, La Vita E Bella, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, La Chèvre, Titanic...
x. Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months: LONDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Before that... Placebo next month :D
x. The last thing you ate?: Haribo Tagada. :| Before that: ham and cheese sandwich.
x. Something that you are deathly afraid of? Fucking spiders and daddy longlegs. Losing a loved one.
x. Do you like candles: Yeah tho I don't burn many.
x. Do you like hot wax: I like digging in it.
x. Do you like incense: Don't mind it. My mum burns LOADS of it so I got a bit bored.
x. Do you like the taste of blood: Not really no. Too metallic.
x. Do you believe in love: No.
x. Do you believe in soul mates: Define "soul mate". My guess is: no.
x. Do you believe in love at first sight: No.
x. Do you believe in Heaven: No.
x. Do you believe in forgiveness: In practice: no. As an ideal: yes.
x. Do you believe in God: No.
x. What do you want done with your body when you die: Was discussing with my mum earlier today how I would like to have my ashes scattered from the top of Notre Dame, but tbh, I don't give a toss. I'll be dead so I won't know anyway.
x. Who is your worst enemy? Probably myself in certain respects. Other than that... er. I'd say the Riding school owners but "my worst enemy" sounds a bit presumptuous.
x. What is the latest you've ever stayed up: Nearly 48hrs I think.
x. Ever been to Belgium? LMAO yeah countless times as it's our neighbouring country.
x. Can you eat with chopsticks? Tho I hate Chinese food, I can. I'm not an expert, but I could blag my way thru a meal.
x. What's your favorite coin? Austrian Euro coin feat. Mozart, cuz he's my baby.
x. What are 5 places you wouldn't mind relocating to? Brighton :x, London (better not mind cuz I'll move there), New York, Paris (tho it's nicer to visit than to live there), Salzburg (for a short while).
x. Pig out foods? Anything sweet. :|
x. What's something you wish you could understand better? Human Nature. Italian. :)) All them damn sciences that make me go :-/
x. Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time? Yeah, Joanne, my very cute 1st year uni friend from Hong Kong, but hopefully me and my mum will go to HK around Xmas so I'll see her again.
x. What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow? Make happen? Or do? Er... nothing really. I would like to make myself win a fortune. Does that count?

Friday September 5, 2003

Photo Friday: Aged

Category: Memes | 8 Comments | Posted 12:23

Another Photo Friday entry. The topic is Aged. I found the inscription below on a wall of Kenilworth Castle in a Warwickshire, built around 1122. The inscription itself dates back to 1824, as you can see. See the whole of the castle underneath. It's pretty. :-) More pictures of it here.

Clarissaweb Forum

Category: Updates | 4 Comments | Posted 16:47

YES, Clarissaweb now has its very own forum! It can be found right here. It's really quite experimental, I basically wanted to play around with InvisionBoard (can you tell I'm bored?). But if it ended up as a meeting place for all my online friends I would of course be very happy (unless I find it eats up too much of my bandwidth. ;;))

The disappearance of Cartman's Corner and Cork Forum left a big void in many people's lives. A void that MJ boards couldn't fill, and that left us all without direction and a sense of purpose. *ahem* :))

Seriously, it would be cool to see some of them come together here, and anyone else who's bored or talkative. But if it's not gonna happen, it's not a big deal. I've been thru a few attempts of "board revivals" and it always fizzled out really quickly. I can live with rejection. :|

LOL. Er yes. That's all from me. I am wasting my life away... please tell me I don't have to get a job! Oh I do? Damn. *sigh*

Saturday September 6, 2003

In Defence of Madonna

Category: Opinionated | 10 Comments | Posted 1:34

It seems to be fashionable these days among music critic wannabes to bash Madonna. I'm not a music critic wannabe, therefore I'd like to state that I think Madonna's cool. I don't agree with everything she's done, but that's very rare for any artist, and I rather respect her for her career over the decades, including the controversial or stupid bits (I didn't like her Sex book much, but that didn't make me despise her for the rest of her life).

And while we're on the subject, I hate people who worship any stupid two-hit-newcomers and call them "megastar" and scoff at artists who've sold records over many decades, calling them "has beens" and such. Blech. :-& Which reminds me, I wanted to write something about music piracy and the music industry and users and artists and pros and cons and stuff.

Tomorrow. Now visit the ChitChat Board. *hehe*

Sunday September 7, 2003

My mum's a bitch

Category: Life & Me | 12 Comments | Posted 1:01

She's a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the... ok I'll get over myself, I know I will. Am just in a foul mood right now. She is a bitch tho.

So I had a wedding today. A friend's wedding. Wasn't a hugely exciting thing, had known for ages, had agreed to go ages ago, didn't mind. Wasn't that keen on going today but knew would be fine.

Then suddenly realised 1/2hr before I was meant to leave I didn't have a present. I mean, I'd just fucking forgotten! I'm not a very social person, I'm anything but trained in those customs, I don't have that automatic "oh I need to do this-and-that" reflex that most people in this country have! So I shared my shock and embarrassment with my mum, in the hope of getting advice or comfort, and what does she say? "Yeah that's what happens to people who only ever think of themselves."

Evil cow! X( Acting all shocked about how BML Me's parents make her feel like crap. Pretending she doesn't do that, and that she's never malicious, no one ever was in this family, nooo, we all loved each other and anything vicious was only ever meant as a fucking joke! We were poking fun at each other! When my dad called my mum a "stupid cow", he was poking fun, when my mum & dad called me disgustingly fat, it was all fun, and when my parents' reaction to any achievement I'd made was "no? serious? How could that have happened?" it was all meant as a friendly joke!

And I was the only stupid bitch who wouldn't get it, wasn't I! God, I would always over-react, that tiny retarded minority in our big massive family community! (you're right, I represented 30% of the whole thing). They had this whole "chuckle nudge huh huh" rulebook apparently. No no, they NEVER fought and NEVER misunderstood each other. And I was thick and not clever enough to understand the subtle fun-poking habits of this fucking screwed up family! Lived here all of 20 years and never fucking got it! Stupid, stupid me!

Because seriously, my mum has always believed in me, she just never knew how to fucking tell me! So she chose instead to knock me over the head every fucking chance she got. It was her way of showing me she loved me. No honest! I was just too fucking stupid to get it! Better hit me once more for not understanding!

It was all for my own good, really! See, she didn't want me to end up like my complete loser of a father, so she chose not to make me feel too good about myself. Rather she wanted me to feel like a complete failure who couldn't even find her own way around a foreign town. Then when she jeered at me about how I'd get us lost in Paris Métro, she failed to understand how I didn't see the joke. And shouted at me for being offended.

It was all my own fault you see. How could I not get it? That time, the previous time, that other time... any time really. How could I take it personally? How irrationally oversensitive I was. And no, she'd never even consider making vicious remarks like "You only ever think about yourself". And "you're disgustingly fat". I must have imagined that. Cuz we all love each other.

How mad is the average person?

Category: Opinionated | 11 Comments | Posted 19:50

Yes so I was reading an article about the mental balance of German students (German speakers, it's here), and this survey has apparenly found out that more than 20% of German students suffer from depressions, eating disorders or addictions (generally dope or alcohol). The article is suggesting that studying puts you at risk etc yada yada.

And then it says this: those 20% state that "mentally they feel average at best" and 2% say they feel "bad." Now that takes me back to a discussion I had with a friend the other day... about online people, who seem to be generally "fucked up" (well more than average), vs. "the rest of 'em".
Now we argued that the average offline person may well be just as bad, but just won't talk about it so much cuz
    1. you don't really get the chance (or the time)
    2. it's not considered acceptable (i.e. you're meant to put up an act)

See the idea came up when we discussed people's perception of themselves in general... from a very personal point of view, each and everyone of my friends and family (those I know well enough) have some issue or mental instability, either with themselves, or about the way the world perceives them, or about how they perceive the world.
They just don't talk about it so much. They do sometimes with close friends, or hint at it, or it's so obvious you can just see it, but in general people feel that they should not annoy their friends or family with their innermost problems, or they're scared, or embarrassed, or self-conscious.

Now online this inhibition tends to disappear, partly because of the anonymity, partly because you don't have to look people in the eyes, partly because everyone seems to do it and there aren't those old prejudices. SO one gets the impression that people online are more messed up than average. Which, I think, is quite simply a misconception.

It's kinda the same with artists... they are of course "supposed" to be fucked up, and expressing their fuckedupness in their songs, paintings, poems, whatever. So the idea is: artists are more fucked than average, therefore they need to have art as an outlet for their feelings. But how about: artists are just as fucked up as the rest of us, but they have actually found an outlet?! The rest of us ("them" if you count me to the exhibtionist online diarists) just bottle it up. Which doesn't mean the problems are gone.

So I'd venture to say: the average person out there is unsatisfied (we're talking about the fed, clad, housed 1st world person here - the one that should have no reason to complain). NOT as happy with their lives or themselves as one might hope or expect. So we're not talking about 20% or whatever, but about the human condition. Inner balance, self-acceptance, a feeling of belonging... it's just not meant to be for m ost of us. It's an exception rather than the rule. Or am I being too negative after all?

Monday September 8, 2003


Category: You Live & Learn | 21 Comments | Posted 1:55

I've just finished reading The Hotel on the Roof of the World, by and about Alec Le Sueur, a guy who worked at Holiday Inn Lhasa for five years (1988-1993). Seriously amazing book! Had me laughing out loud (e.g. on the train to Paris, with my mum complaining I was embarrassing her), depressed and even crying, and has taught me a few things as well.

I've had a soft spot for Tibet for quite a few years. I read Heinrich Harrer's magical Seven Years in Tibet ('44-'51) a while back (never seen the film, thank God), as well as the very disillusioning follow-up Wiedersehen mit Tibet about his return to Tibet in 1982, which doesn't seem to be available in English.

So in the light of that, I thought I'd do a small entry about the Tibetan plight. Tibet is a very painful subject, and one which perfectly illustrates the inhumanity of the Chinese regime. OK, let me assume my readers don't know about Tibet and start from the beginning...

... well, from the beginning of the end. If you want to learn about Tibet's history dating back thousands of years, I recommend this site. For (many) more details, try this. If you wish to learn about the Dalai and Panchen Lama and their meaning, try this.

Tibet was a country of incredible religious, aesthetic and cultural wealth. The beauty of its monasteries and its landscapes had no equal. Then in 1950, the Red Guard invaded Tibet - here's a comprehensive account of the "Peaceful Liberation of Tibet", the disgusting euphemism used by the Chinese government. The invasion ended in the "17 point agreement" (read it here). The Dalai Lama fled to India in 1959 and has not been back to his country since. The Tibetan Government in Exile is set in Dharamsala, India.

During the Cultural Revolution, as China tried to suppress Tibetan culture and nationalism, many of the monasteries, temples and other cultural sites across the country were destroyed. Monasteries that had housed near 5000 monks were levelled and countless monks killed in the process (more here). It is still hard to conceive how much of the Tibetan heritage was lost forever as the Red Army raged in Tibet in those years. Thousands of years of culture destroyed in a frenzy of ignorance and fanaticism.

Things in Tibet today are not that much better The Tibetans were yanked into modernity in a matter of years. Many of them have adapted fairly well, but the way it was done insured they took as little of their own culture with them as possible. The Chinese have loosened some of their restrictions in the past decade or so, but Tibet remains an oppressed country. Riots, such as the one in 1987, are violently crushed, and there are still many political prisoners, locked away for many years simply for voicing their opinion too loudly (and yes I'm aware this is the case in many countries across the world. That doesn't make it any less outrageous).

The display of their flag is forbidden within their country, as is owning a picture of the Dalai Lama. Foreign journalists are still very restricted from visiting the country, and Tibet tour guides are prevented from talking about human rights or any injustice to tourists. Tibet is a wrongfully occupied/annexed country, and no pressure from the outside seems to persuade the stubborn Chinese government.

It is unlikely this is going to change in the near future, but we can still hope that China too will one day rid itself of its Communist party filth. Things in Tibet will never be the same and centuries of culture have been irretrievably lost. But what a joy, what a triumph it would be to see the 14th Dalai Lama back within his country.

Alec Le Sueur's book has a pic of a Tibetan girl clutching a tiny picture of the Dalai Lama on its inside cover. The Western World seems to have appropriated His Holiness, but the interest in his country is still shockingly low. He means so much more to the Tibetans than he does to us buying his books and flocking towards him in the current Buddhism vogue.

I feel guilty in front of those people, deprived of their spiritual leader, as the Western World rides high on yet another New Age wave. (incidentally, I have little respect for Western Buddhism fanatics. Most of them don't even know what Buddhism is about, apart from "being calm and gentle", going "Omm" and "respecting all life forms". No offence to Richard Gere fans or any other pseudo-buddhist celebs).

Tuesday September 9, 2003

Copyright on the Web

Category: The Web | 35 Comments | Posted 12:53

Some of you may have noticed that a few days back I changed the Layout on my HomePage to make it look like a Google search results page.

Today I got an (anonymous) email saying "maybe you should visit". I immediately thought "ah right, because of the Google thing". Then realised it could also have been because of the Julia article or maybe the Clarissa Browser. Hell, it could be because I use Yahoo Smileys on my blog. Or in fact because of the pic on the left! Or all the pics on the SexGod Site! The Buttons on the Arabian Fanlisting! The layout pics on I'll Be There!

Yes Mr Anonymous Emailer, I am aware of copyright laws. I know that my sites are one big massive collection of copyright breach! As are millions of other sites around the Web. ANY fan site with a picture gallery, every site that uses other people's pics for their layout, every site that posts modifications of other people's works, and so on. And I've seen many personal sites ripping off the layouts of well known sites. Things are readily available online and people use them, that's the way it goes. I've had pics and essays stolen from me too, without credit - it's the risk you run when you publish something online. As long as they don't make money off it, what's the big deal? No one suffers from it.

This has been happening since the beginning, and there is no way this is gonna change. And even if big corps like Warner Bros and Paramount and some others go out and threaten fans every once in a while, they will never get rid of the phenomenon, and it's not in their interest anyway as these sites help keeping people interested in their product.

People like Mr Anonymous Emailer can get anal about it, either because they're bored or because this is their very personal obsession, but geez, aren't there far more outrageous crimes than this? I know that if Google or Spiegel Online or Yahoo etc really wanted to sue me, they could. But if they found my site, they would probably shake their heads and move on. As if they had nothing better to do than this! 8-|

Besides, my websites are works of art and only work  because they're a rip-off of other sites. They're a tribute to the original, so they should feel honoured. Did Campbell's sue Andy Warhol for painting their soup cans? No they didn't. (and yes, I've done my research and no, he didn't initially seek permission to paint them). Now go out and play elsewhere.

Wednesday September 10, 2003

It's My Burfday!

Category: Life & Me | 13 Comments | Posted 15:55

And I got wonderful presents, which I will show here. :D
First off there are those from BML Me, which I got a few days ago and unwrapped at 10 past midnight or so, with her taking pics on the webcam! :)) She's put up a cuuuuute page about it on her site, with me grinning madly and tearing up wrapping paper, so everyone go here!! Ok, and here's a clearer digicam pics of the presents:

Aren't they adorablest? The wee guy says "Some people make the world more special just by being in it." :x :D Kyoot or what!? :hug THANKS BML Meeee!!! :*

Then this morning I got a card with gift from Sinead, just in time, hehe, and is this rather funky necklace:

Be cool and gothic-looking right? :D So big thanks to Sinead too!!! :hug Got cute & funny cards from both of them too, but they are private :evil (not that they're really secret, but I don't have to share everything with the world do I? :P)

Aye, I also wanna thank everyone else who thought of me and did cute things like mentioning me in their diaries and starting (and posting in) cute threads at exactly midnight (those are two separate links!), and ringing me and texting me and emailing me! :D You're all big cuties!

On a different note, I bleached my hair again yesterday (well, the roots). The plan was to dye it red afterwards, but the result is so outrageously bright and fiery that I'm going to keep it for a while at least. :)) Check this:

Thursday September 11, 2003

Theme Thursday: Bubbles

Category: Memes | 9 Comments | Posted 0:39

I didn't think I'd find something for this week's Theme Thursday, but with the present I got from BML Me I have sth now - very last day! *hehe*

[edit next day] Waaah, just realised I forgot to enter my URL at the Theme Thursday site... ah well. *g*

Theme Thursday: Broken

Category: Memes | 9 Comments | Posted 13:25

First off, sorry for two Photomemes entries in a row, but as it is Thursday again.... Theme Thursday has Broken this week, which is kinda crap cuz Photo Friday had that 2 weeks ago, but also kinda good cuz back then I wanted to show my broken glasses, but someone had already done that. Sooo... I can show them now. :))

This sucks. Going offline.

Category: Life & Me | 6 Comments | Posted 17:05

Well, for a while anyway. I'm getting nothing done as long as I have Internet access, and I do have lots of stuff that needs doing. I simply lack the self-discipline necessary to drag myself away from this damn computer, so I guess the only way is the hard way.

I will do a test run tomorrow and do the most urgent stuff. Then I'll be back on over the week-end, firstly cuz most of the stuff I need to do I can only do on weekdays, and secondly because there are things I need the Net for too - looking for jobs, contacting uni, writing a CV, and so on. Then I'll take another 3 days off next week. Hopefully I'll have everything done by then. And maybe I'll have found out that life without the Net isn't so bad after all.

The obligatory 9/11 entry

Category: Opinionated | 3 Comments | Posted 23:59

Everyone seems to do them. I kinda was in 2 minds about whether I should do one or not. So I'd just like to mention this: a few days back I went thru my mp3 CD which has some "WTC remixes" - well known songs, anti-war or generally depressing, interspersed with quotes from 9/11 - mainly eye witnesses, news readers, victims, but also politicians like Bush and Blair.

It is weird to listen to these again now, two years on, with all this stuff that's happened since. The witness reports, the emotions, the disbelief of these people, and also their fear and uncertainty, it still gets to me.

But then you also get Bush and Blair and whoever else throwing about their pithy threats and promises. So well rehearsed, so eloquent, so full of pathos, demonstrating strength, determination, announcing revenge.

The victims were in airplanes or in their offices, secretaries, businessmen and -women, moms and dads, friends and neighbours.
Freedom itself was attacked this morning by a faceless coward, and freedom will be defended.
Make no mistake, the US will hunt down and punish those responsible for tehse cowardly acts.

This will be a monumental struggle of good vs evil.
This is not a battle between the US and terrorism, but between the free and democratic world and terrorism.
This mass terrorism, it is perpetrated by fanatics who are utterly indifferent to the sanctity of human life. We, the democracies of this world, are going to have to come together, to fight it together.

Now, after Afghanistan, Guantanamo Bay, after Iraq, how do these statements sound? I can understand how people can believe 9/11 was orchestrated by the US. It served them so well. And have things improved? Terrorist attacks in Djerba, Pakistan, India, Philippines, attempts in France, Germany, the US, Qatar, abduction in Marocco... let's not even mention the chaos in Iraq. And David Kelly.

What a fucking mess, what a huge failure. Ah but such is human nature. Good vs Evil my arse. Stupid and fanatical vs, er, stupid and fanatical. But what more do you expect?

BTW yes I back-dated this entry so it would be under the "11 Sept" heading. I won't be online tomorrow so I'll see you on Sat.

Saturday September 13, 2003

Photo Friday: Faith

Category: Memes | 7 Comments | Posted 12:19

This week's entry for Photo Friday was taken somewhere in the Bourgogne. We stumbled onto this church by chance and there was a mass going on. The sun shining in through the window looks like God looking on.

Tribute to Paris

Category: Life & Me | 19 Comments | Posted 19:06

Yeah, behold the new layout. Not quite where I started out (it was gonna be bright and colourful, hehe), but as I'm obsessed with Paris and feeling kinda dark at the moment, I think it's quite fitting. It's the view East from Pont des Arts. I love Paris.

Ah yes, isn't that funny, I mentioned to my mum yesterday that I was planning to go back to Paris next week-end and she seemed quite delighted and suggested she join me. Which I was happy to accept. She has a coat to buy apparently. And I have a jumper to replace. And a city to drool at. So hopefully we'll be back off Friday to Sunday! =P~ :x Can't wait!

Got a phonecall from Craig earlier. He's back in Sydney! :o :(( He had to leave earlier than planned cuz of the 8-| rugby championship X(, has been at work already and all. He sounded a lot clearer & closer now than whenever he was in Europe tho :)) (mainly cuz he was always on mobile or cheap calling cards).

Ah yes, offline time yesterday, yeah it went well, I missed the Net sometimes when I was bored, but didn't when I had something to do. Tho I did feel like I was missing out on stuff. So I've decided to space out my abstinence days next week: one day online, one day offline. Oh and I DID get stuff done btw! :D Have thrown out heaps of clothes.. and there's more to come. And tidied people. And rung room. Hm no, the other way round. Whatever. :P

Monday September 15, 2003

Sunday. Conclusion.

Category: Life & Me | 12 Comments | Posted 1:53

Yep it's me again! Not much has happened and I'm still pretty much the same person, or at least I think so. Let me see...

Martine and I went to the Britain in Luxembourg fair, much like every year. It was rather disappointing this year (unless we missed a bit, but I don't think so). At least I got myself a little paper Union Jack, wahey! Ah well. So instead, we went to the Oeko-foire, an ecologically themed fair... geez, all the stuff that passes as ecological... :-? Eeenyway, who cares, I stuffed myself with free organic bread, crisps and whatnot, and bought a cool dragon shirt and a Free Tibet one! :D

Then we came home. OK so as one of my excuses for needing the Net over the week-end was jobs, I finally had a look around, got scared, disheartened, disillusioned and pessimistic. There's no way I'm gonna find a job for 3 months, or in fact at all! Everyone has qualifications, goals, specialisations, experience... and I have nothing!!! :o :(( No useful studies or experience, no clue, no nothing! *sob* Eenyway, disregarding that, I pulled myself together and wrote an updated CV, in French (ugh), and, er, well I dunno, I guess I'll start sending it to people?! :-/ We'll see what happens.

Ah yes, Website update, I finally uploaded the pics from our latest Paris trip (and 2 more), they can be found here and here. I've also slightly changed the header pic above. As some of you may have noticed. BTW I'm now using 125MB of my 1000GB allowance. Thassit. Nighty-night!

Tuesday September 16, 2003

Coming full circle

Category: Opinionated | 26 Comments | Posted 0:10

One of the very earliest entries of this Diary (to be found here) was about the genius of Moby. I haven't been reading his site much lately but even randomly clicking links on his diary, I can still say I agree with almost everything he says. He's still a genius and I'd still marry him. :D

So with nothing better to say I'll say this: people like Moby and Michael Moore etc give me hope about the United States. The rest don't. Blech, ugh, eek, yikes and puke. Ah indeed.

Cleaning out my Closet

Category: Randomness | 11 Comments | Posted 16:56

My Telephone Cables: UK phone cables, UK modem cables, UK extensions, UK cable splitters, Lux modem cables, Lux extensions, a French fax/modem cable, a UK LAN cable...

Slightly geeky right? Obviously I need to keep all of them. Who knows what I might need them for in a year or ten. ;;)

Buy Poptastic!!!

Category: Video | 6 Comments | Posted 23:58

OK here's my latest video entry. :| Basically it all started while I was cleaning up... I found this CD collection of animated gifs, photos, Web effects etc, and most importantly, audio files... LOTS of 'em.... sound effects, cheapy music jingles, background music, voice samples, whatever. It was just too tempting - literally screaming "I want to be used in a video"...

... took me longer than I thought, not least because my Ulead Video Studio crashed twice when I was almost done, but anyway, I managed SOMEthing in the end, which originally was gonna be part of a whole, but which now is gonna be a piece of art on its own. :)) Expect the rest some time soon! *hehehe*

It's an ad, it's 46secs, and it's available in 2 formats:
Real Media (874KB)
Windows Media (984KB)

I've deliberately kept the files quite big as the detail's important. I recommend you right-click and save. The audio/video synchronisation is not perfect, but it's good enough, and anything better was too much work. Live with it. :evil Expect more crap where this came from.

Wednesday September 17, 2003

Middle East: kill Arafat?

Category: Opinionated | 10 Comments | Posted 0:53

I've successfully ignored most "current affairs" topics recently, partly it was intentional, partly I just felt I couldn't say anything new or interesting....

... I can't really say anything new or interesting about this topic either, of course not, but considering it's
a. always and ever topical and
b. something that bothers me (much as it's tiring and predictable)
I thought I might as well do an entry about it.

Need I say I am outraged?
It's not that surprising that the Israeli government are thinking of expelling or eliminating Arafat - they've eagerly singled him out as the source of all evil before, exaggerating his influence and (wrongly) presenting him as the driving force behind the Intifada.

What shocks me is the lack of response from the rest of the world.... there's the occasional half-hearted "they can't be serious" and "you can't do that" in the press, but in the Western world only extremist minorities seem to be willing to scream injustice. Tho of course in a way this is rather symptomatic of the Middle East conflict in general.

What shocks me more is the US veto against the UN resolution. No wait, it doesn't shock me, it just makes me angry. It proves yet again that things are not gonna change. Not in the Middle East and not in the Islamic Terrorism vs. USA conflict. How can they expect to be liked and respected in the Muslim world if they are so obviously prejudiced and influenced?! Megalomania and ignorance I suppose. That has created a Bin Laden and will certainly create many more dangerous enemies. They just shouldn't be too surprised if there's a certain Schadenfreude going across the world as they fight against the many foes they've created.

PS I was told the other day (in a roundabout way) that it would be embarrassing if I walked around militating for the Palestinian cause. That too is typical of how many people feel about the current situation. Again reinforcing the old divide.

Poptastic working links!

Category: Updates | 10 Comments | Posted 10:12

Ahem. Sorry. The links should be working for everyone now ;;)

Real Media (874KB)
Windows Media (984KB)

PS to find out what this is about, read this earlier entry!

Thursday September 18, 2003

Google Zeitgeist

Category: The Web | 15 Comments | Posted 14:05

You gotta love it. Usually very entertaining. And informative. I have it in my bookmarks. You can find it here.

Funny stuff in this week's Zeitgeist:
#5 declining query: Hurricane Fabian
#3 gaining query: Hurricane Isabel
Poor Americans :))

Random funny stuff from August 2003 Zeitgeist:
#1 popular query in German was "Klimageräte" (air conditioning)
"Unusual queries" include:
learning to dribble in Soccer
sono stato in Austria (I've been to Austria)
BTW, :x Angelina Jolie :x was
#2 actress in France
#5 query in the UK
#2 query (!) in the Netherlands :D

And I still find it weird how people enter things like
riaa, symantec, sony, easyjet or argos on Google
instead of adding .com and entering it in the browser address bar. :-?

Friday September 19, 2003

More Googleness

Category: The Web | 11 Comments | Posted 14:45

I'm obsessed I know. I love Google. I also love my site. And myself obviously. So I regularly check my status on Google. Can't help it. And sometimes I discover weird stuff.

The good stuff today is that Clarissaweb is up one place to #3 as result for Clarissa. That's cool. The Blog is still #5.

Now the weird stuff is the #2 result: Black Weekend. Why oh why is it there? OK the girl is called Clarissa too, and says so on her About page. But no mention of the name on the actual listed page, not in the title, not in the text, not in the Meta tags. Google finds 19 results for Most of these people link to her as "Black Weekend". WHY is her page up that high? WHERE does Google get the "Clarissa" from? There are 97 results for! I should be up there (ok most of those are my comments on Michelle's site :)), but still).

Um anyway. Oh btw, I want you to go here and give me a positive vote. ;;)

Stream of Consciousness

Category: Randomness | 17 Comments | Posted 23:03

Well I'm off to Paris again tomorrow. With my mum (yes she's paying for the hotel, and for most of the petrol too (we're going by car), and no, I don't feel like I have to justify myself for that). I can't wait to see Paris again. I feel stupidly obsessed. I'm thinking maybe my Paris obsession has taken over from my MJ obsession. I'm not visiting MJ boards at all anymore. Well, only MJNI, occasionally, and only cuz I need to keep an eye on BML Me and her countless admirers. I'm obsessed with BML Me too of course. She is extremely adorable I have to say. Good thing I own her. Aah, Golden Brown by The Stranglers on my Winamp (haha, only BML Me will get the link). I downloaded Candy by Iggy Pop and Kate Pierson last night. Rather catchy song. She has a very recognisable voice. You know that episode in REM's Shiny Happy People where the old guy who's pedalling the bike is given water? That's very devastatingly sad. I find many things sad I have to say. World news are always full of sad things. You know how they say "no news is good news" - it's true. 80% of what's on the News is depressing stuff. OK here's a positive thing: Bela B. has an incredibly sexy voice. And Die Ärzte are releasing a new album on the 25th. So the Arts (with a capital A) provide us with some sort of relief from grim reality. Oh, the Spiegel's latest cover story argues that the male species is about to die out. Well, in 125,000 years. *lol* The good news is that they're the mutation, and not us, and that they're the weaker gender, not us. Not that surprising. You know the joke? How does it go... Eve's sat in Paradise, on her own, and she's bored. So she tells God "I'm bored, create a mate for me!" and God replies "ok I will create a companion for you, he will be less intelligent & less attractive than you, he will worship you and cater to your every whim." Eve's all excited and agrees, so God goes "there's only one condition - you have to make him believe you were created out of his rib." Eve agrees of course. I like the joke. It gets a whole new meaning in the light of that Spiegel article. Not that I really needed stories of X and Y chromosomes to chuckle at men's stupid belief in their superiority. But fact is most men in practice still believe they're superior to us. Ah well, being a woman does have its advantages too. Wouldn't wanna swap. We're prettier to start with. Like Angelina. My mum was wondering the other day why I'm into androgynous men. Her question had kind of a panicky undertone. I think this was in the context of the sexiness of Brian Molko. I dunno, probably cuz I'm totally into women but refuse to acknowledge it. And into fictional characters. And into horses. And into cities of course. Like Paris. Which is where I'm going tomorrow. And that brings us full circle, back to where I started out. So will bugger off now. Tarah!

Sunday September 21, 2003

Back from Paris II

Category: Life & Me | 4 Comments | Posted 23:17

Yes indeed, I'm back and I've had the most amazing week-end. Again. Beautifully wonderful. Unsurprisingly. Very lucky with the weather too. As so often.

They had "Journées du Patrimoine" (Heritage days) with all sorts of exciting stuff going on. They give you entry to historic & important places like Hôtel de Ville and Elysée (and hundreds of people queue up for it), and many museums are free and there's stuff going on in the streets. We had no idea about this when we went, but we'd chosen our week-end well. We were out until midnight on Saturday, following the "Cavalcade" (horses and torch bearers), along with thousands of other people crowding the streets. I lurve hot summer nights in animated cities! Especially in this one. :x

I'd also taken my rollerblades (last minute decision since we were going by car) and had a blast racing around the city. Paris is the most ideal rollerblading place. You can do whatever you please, it's so cool - going in the bus lane, the wrong down one way streets, ignoring red lights... no one says anything, and drivers are very cute & considerate. :x Made some videos while driving along. They're very shaky obviously (rather seasickly), but I might put a short edited version online.

Sunday we went to Montmartre Cemetery, hehe. Not been there yet, was very nice. And to Buttes Chaumont, a parc, also very nice. And to Musée Carnavalet (Paris history!), again very nice. Esp. cuz they had Marcel Proust's bedroom :x, where he wrote most of A La Recherche du Temps Perdu :x, one of my fave works ever, of inexpressible beauty.

I love Paris. Ah yes I've said that before. Ah well, tis true. :x
K must be off now. Bed calls. :D

Monday September 22, 2003


Category: Updates | 15 Comments | Posted 15:48

I've dyed my hair again, so I ain't fiery no more. I was fed up of people telling me my hair was pink. :P Now at least there's no mistake possible.

Other than that, I've been kinda active updating my sites. I've uploaded the latest travel pics, 45 all in all, mainly of Paris of course. There's a separate page for Montmartre cemetery (also Paris), and there are also pics of the gorgeous Reims Cathedral. Oh and I've finally updated my Arabian Fanlisting, but I doubt that will interest any of you :P

I think I'll finally edit and upload the pics of Brighton & Preston cemetery now. I mean, it's my fave cemtery ever... it's just that it's gonna be so much work as there's so many pics - probably 200 or so, and many of them non digital. *sigh* I should also tidy my closets... :))

Tuesday September 23, 2003

New pics and stuff

Category: Photography | 16 Comments | Posted 2:36

Long time no photo session... or sth like that. Well here is one. It's all about me me me, it's all dark eyes and red hair, it's all webcam, and it's all sequential. You can start it by clicking here. Then you can explore it by clicking the links. Not sure what I'll do with it after this. It's dedicated to BML Me btw, because I luvver. :x

Ah yes, I've actually kept my promise (I mean, my vague threat) and added the Brighton & Preston cemetery pics to my Pix Gallery. 50 of them. Not that many, so go visit! :))

Wednesday September 24, 2003

Pigs pics and skating vids

Category: Video | 17 Comments | Posted 16:02

Hehe, I've finally taken some pics of my guinea pigs again, hope you like. They cute right? Poor Lucy had to suffer when I brushed her hair! :))

I've also uploaded an edit of my 'rollerblading around Paris' films. It has no sound, I was gonna add music but couldn't find anything suitable and decided to go for smaller file size. :P It's only available in RealMedia, it ain't that interesting anyway. OK, so download here. It's 758KB and 1:15mins.

Thursday September 25, 2003

Feeling like shit

Category: Self-analysis | 15 Comments | Posted 0:26

First I was gonna write an entry about how crap I felt and how scared I was of trying to find (or even looking for) a job here, because compared to what temping agencies are expecting I have nothing to offer, and I might as well hide under my duvet for the rest of the year.... then luckily Kate rang and said lots of wonderful and encouraging things, so I started feeling a little better and ended up registering at Manpower.

But doing so I went back to feeling totally inadequate again. I mean they have those dropdown menus full of qualifications, and they're all so fucking specialised, stuff like Welder: TIG steel welder (wtf?!) or printer: offset conductor or human ressources: consultant. What about "done this and that!?" :((

Then 2hrs later, after talking to & being reassured by Martine I was feeling a little better again. For a short while. Soon enough my doubts returned. Along with their evil brothers and sisters.

I hate being me. I'm fucked up in all these different ways. Haha, I wish there was a button I could push that would make it all easier. Configuring the Clarissa program to make it more compatible with the life I have planned for her. You know, like changing the settings on a computer game: CPU difficulty: v. easy.

The way things are now, it's going to be "v. hard". Or more like, "impossible". These days I even find myself incapable of seeing a doctor for a cough. Or ringing an old time friend for a chat. Or making an appointment with a blacksmith. Let alone moving my fat arse and finding a job. Getting up in the morning is hard enough.

And no, in case you're wondering, I'm not depressive. I'm a failure, that's all. I'm lazy, I'm weak and I have absolutely no willpower. Getting out of this fucked up situation would involve struggling against myself. I can be self-critical all I want, I don't have the energy to change, and I don't know where I should get it.

I know that's gonna sound pathetic. I hate what I have become (or what I've been all along). I wish I was someone else. I know if I really fought I could become a better person, but I find myself unable to do just that. The effort is just too much. So until someone beats me up and makes me change, I'll be stuck here.

PhotoTime Tuesday: Communication

Category: Memes | 9 Comments | Posted 22:41

Right, to get rid of the depressing entry below, here's a Photomeme. I took this pic ages ago when Photo Friday had Communication as a topic, and I never used it, so here it is now for PhotoTime Tuesday! :))

This was taken in Mainz last April, while visiting Katja & Tobias. These are my different ways of keeping in touch with BML Me while on trips. Since I'm a tech geek, it's quite representative of how I mostly communicate with people: phone & Internet. They follow me everywhere and I feel rather isolated without them.

Friday September 26, 2003

Photo Friday: Heights

Category: Memes | 10 Comments | Posted 18:45

Again, 2 photomemes in a row. Yep, that time of the week again. I do apologise. Photo Friday this time, Theme: Heights.

This is, um, as you'll probably recognise, lower Manhattan (from Empire State Building). Taken in 1996. The WTC towers really were a lot higher than the rest, uh?
I'm a sucker for heights, and panoramic views, so I have lots more of these... like Barcelona: here or here, or Warwick, or Edinburgh.. and of course Paris, Paris, Paris, Paris, Paris, Paris and Paris. :))

Saturday September 27, 2003

Damn Headaches!

Category: Life & Me | 15 Comments | Posted 20:51

I had so much planned for today, I was gonna be active and creative and all... can't tell for sure if I'd done it all of course, but this way I didn't even get to try! X( Waking up with a headache and knowing your day is pretty much ruined is the most annoying thing! X( X( X(

I tried sleeping, I tried going for walks, I tried just sitting around doing nothing, I tried taking painkillers, nothing helped! *hmph* :no That's so fucking frustrating! I attempted a final attack 2hrs ago with 2 more painkillers and some more sleep, and now it seems to have calmed down, tho I can still feel it, waiting, lurking, ready to attack again, the little bastard.

Ah well. What a nice entry that was ey? :)) I took some pics of our town on my 1st walk tho, I'll show you one... first after I edited it, then the original. *lol* Interesting no? :P

Sunday September 28, 2003

Massive Blackout in Italy

Category: Opinionated | 12 Comments | Posted 13:16

Italy has been hit by a massive power cut - and many parts remain without electricity hours after the unprecedented blackout.

Funny no? First we laugh at the US, and all European experts declare unanimously that it could never happen here as we're not straining our networks to the extreme like the US. Then it happens in the UK - uh-oh, much closer to home, but still, silly isolated island, nothing to do with us. And now Italy. :))

Apparently they're too dependent on other countries' supplies. So nooo, couldn't happen to us - whoever that remaining "us" is. *giggle* Oh, and I just read Denmark and the South of Sweden were hit too last week? :-?

BTW, funny again, German and British media have made out France as the main "culprit" for the power cut. And I've just watched French news, where they explained in great detail how there were all these different supply lines from Austria, Czech Republic, Switzerland, and it was nothing to do with them at all. :))


Category: Life & Me | 9 Comments | Posted 16:54

If you are using pain medications more than 2 days a week, you may be suffering from rebound headaches. Rebound headaches are caused by a cycle of using pain medications for short-term relief, which is then followed by the headache pain returning for increasingly longer periods of time despite taking more pain medications.

All types of pain pills (including over-the-counter pain pills such as acetaminophen, aspirin, ibuprofen, and naproxen), muscle relaxants, some decongestants, and caffeine can cause this pattern. If you think this may be a problem for you, talk to your health care provider.

To treat rebound headaches, stop taking all pain medications and other possible triggers for several weeks. Ask your health care provider what treatments can be used during the withdrawal period. [source]

:-? Yes I do have a lot of headaches and I do use painkillers rather generously. So maybe that's it. Great that is. *sigh*

Monday September 29, 2003

*crawls out of hole*

Category: Life & Me | 14 Comments | Posted 21:23

Well I'm slowly returning to the life of the living. My tooth ache has been reduced to a constant low throb at the back of my mouth and most importantly, my headache is much better. Well it is now, who knows what will be tomorrow. But I got antibiotics for the tooth and the cough, and "non addictive painkillers", so hopefully everything should be going uphill from now on.

So yes, I went to see a doctor, he thinks it's linked to the tooth (tho the tooth was only hurting from time to time, and the head constantly, all the time, without fail. But doctors must be believed). I have an appointment at the dentist's tomorrow as well, just in case. It's nice to be able to stay up for a longer period of time, instead of crawling back into bed after 30mins because it's the only bearable position to be in.

Anyway, due to my secluded life I have nothing much to tell, except that I read 300 pages in my Anne Rice book, and intend to go and read another 100 or so tonight. :)) I shall leave you with that...

Tuesday September 30, 2003

The Headache Update... and more.

Category: Life & Me | 11 Comments | Posted 21:40

"My headache is much better. Well it is now, who knows what will be tomorrow."

Indeed. It was back in full glory today. Well it's ok now, but it was bugging me for most of the day. It generally seems to be better in the evenings. The dentist says it can't be related to the tooth (and tbh it was a rather weird tooth headache). So basically we're back to square one. Well I still have my antibiotics to take, but who knows if they'll help. If there's no change tomorrow, I'll go to a different doctor. Hooray for going round in circles. 8-|

So that's what my eventful life is about these days: my headache. I'm like one of those old grannies sat on a bench in the park, moaning about her numerous different ailments. (funny, I just thought "can't use such long words, I only have 160 characters".. *ahem*). Eeenyway, at least I went outside today, got rid of all the rubbish from my closets, so my room is now finally emptied of all the old stuff I don't need or want anymore. Ready to move to another country, wooo yay! :yay

Found this funny site (pics of people posing dead), I submitted two of the suicide pics I took ages ago (remember Michelle?) Will let you know when they're reviewed & online. :))