My mum's a bitch

Category: Life & Me | 12 Comments | Posted 1:01

She's a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the... ok I'll get over myself, I know I will. Am just in a foul mood right now. She is a bitch tho.

So I had a wedding today. A friend's wedding. Wasn't a hugely exciting thing, had known for ages, had agreed to go ages ago, didn't mind. Wasn't that keen on going today but knew would be fine.

Then suddenly realised 1/2hr before I was meant to leave I didn't have a present. I mean, I'd just fucking forgotten! I'm not a very social person, I'm anything but trained in those customs, I don't have that automatic "oh I need to do this-and-that" reflex that most people in this country have! So I shared my shock and embarrassment with my mum, in the hope of getting advice or comfort, and what does she say? "Yeah that's what happens to people who only ever think of themselves."

Evil cow! Acting all shocked about how BML Me's parents make her feel like crap. Pretending she doesn't do that, and that she's never malicious, no one ever was in this family, nooo, we all loved each other and anything vicious was only ever meant as a fucking joke! We were poking fun at each other! When my dad called my mum a "stupid cow", he was poking fun, when my mum & dad called me disgustingly fat, it was all fun, and when my parents' reaction to any achievement I'd made was "no? serious? How could that have happened?" it was all meant as a friendly joke!

And I was the only stupid bitch who wouldn't get it, wasn't I! God, I would always over-react, that tiny retarded minority in our big massive family community! (you're right, I represented 30% of the whole thing). They had this whole "chuckle nudge huh huh" rulebook apparently. No no, they NEVER fought and NEVER misunderstood each other. And I was thick and not clever enough to understand the subtle fun-poking habits of this fucking screwed up family! Lived here all of 20 years and never fucking got it! Stupid, stupid me!

Because seriously, my mum has always believed in me, she just never knew how to fucking tell me! So she chose instead to knock me over the head every fucking chance she got. It was her way of showing me she loved me. No honest! I was just too fucking stupid to get it! Better hit me once more for not understanding!

It was all for my own good, really! See, she didn't want me to end up like my complete loser of a father, so she chose not to make me feel too good about myself. Rather she wanted me to feel like a complete failure who couldn't even find her own way around a foreign town. Then when she jeered at me about how I'd get us lost in Paris Métro, she failed to understand how I didn't see the joke. And shouted at me for being offended.

It was all my own fault you see. How could I not get it? That time, the previous time, that other time... any time really. How could I take it personally? How irrationally oversensitive I was. And no, she'd never even consider making vicious remarks like "You only ever think about yourself". And "you're disgustingly fat". I must have imagined that. Cuz we all love each other.