Friday August 1, 2003

Hi from Warwick

Category: Life & Me | 8 Comments | Posted 13:57

Just thought I'd write a short entry cuz you are all SOOOOO cute on my comments. I'm in Warwick now abusing my friend's PC and will be off in a minute. It's raining. Ugh. But it's England. Yay. People here are just SOOO cute.

:hug :* to BML Me. I have Movable Type now so I CAN update from any PC.
LOL @ squiZZ, no Delaware :-&
:x @ everyone else. Willl be back soon, don't miss me so much, lol, you know I have nothing interesting to say. Update your own diaries instead X( :D

Byeeeeeeeeee xxxxx

Sunday August 3, 2003

Me again!

Category: Life & Me | 13 Comments | Posted 0:52

Everybody has computers these days, so here's another quick update from Kate's house. Had the most gorgeous day, so got a sunburn while lying on the beach (heeheehee), as I inevitably do on such occasions.. isn't too bad tho.

Having the most awesome time, haha I love holidays. I so wanna win the lottery and not work again ever. I don't think I'd get bored. Obviously I'd have to be rich enough to travel around the world :D

I'm in Portland here btw, ooh it's so cool here. The sea... the sun... the holidays... :)) Very lucky with the weather too. And Kate & her family are absolute darlings :P Oh and Robbie was on telly tonight, live from Knebworth. Ah, my future husband :x

Ja. Must go now and finish my book. Am addicted to it. Must know how it ends. Just thought I'd say hi to my fauithful readers. Hiiii! Byeee!

Wednesday August 6, 2003


Category: Life & Me | 12 Comments | Posted 21:27

Hello everyone, Citz be floating on cloud nine as is with She BML - as should be. Not letting go ever again :x

*snaps out of babymode* Ya, so I arrived in Glasgow today. Got picked up by an utterly gorgeous BML and well, so far we've been for a walk, been to the shops, and been online. How's that? And now I'm, er, online yet again. I have a lot to catch up on you see.

Aye, so what have I been doing so far.. spent a fab week-end with Kate in Weymouth (as I think I already mentioned), getting a fucking painful sunburn in the process (I've said that before too I know, but I'd like to stress the bit about the pain. And yes I know it causes cancer, and I did put on sunscreen, but just, well, not enough apparently). Hmyeah, and then we moved on to Southampton where I spent a wonderfully lazy Monday sleeping, reading and going shopping (tho I didn't buy much). Oh yeah, and my Lara got shat on by fucking annoying seagulls. Bastards.

Tuesday saw me driving up to Basingstoke to meet up with the lovely Stained Glass Bimbo aka Daniel. We didn't really do anything in particular... I mean, we walked around town, he showed me stuff (ah ah we went to a church!), and er, mainly went to shops. And behaved childishly and immaturely at times. Went to more shops (in my Lara), and, er, aye, that's it. And we talked along the way. Was a muchly fun afternoon indeed.

Uh-huh, next was Stansted (expensive hotel with thin walls, snoring neighbour, hehe), and a flight, which took me to Scotland, which is where I happen to be now. Updating my diary, while the wonderful BML is watching Dude Where's My Car because it has :-& Ashton Kutcher :-& in it. 8-|

Er that's it. I'm off now to torture Me BML or her cat or her pigs or something like that. Byeeeeeeee :D

Thursday August 7, 2003

Be hot. Has BML tho

Category: Life & Me | 14 Comments | Posted 23:50

BML Me says I need to update. Fiiiine. Not like I have anything to say :P

Yeah so well, what CAN I say. We did a tour of Glasgow today, on an open top tour bus. Hung off the side of it and all, screaming "Sony Sucks" etc. Got some strange looks I'm tellin' ya! They almost made us get off the bus. :(( Not everyone gets away with that sorta stuff I guess. You need to be a superstar for that. A sexy, cool, outrageously eccentric one =P~ :x :x :x

*ahem* OK OK we did NOT hang off it. Just sat there and giggled and moaned each time the bus drove over a bump and shook us. Um yeah. Seen some bits of Glasgow, like, Cathedral, which we shall return to tomorrow, and a cool cemetery ("Necropolis", how cool :D), and, er, yeah.

That's it really. Have updated cam pic as some ppl have noticed already. Be Glasgow Citz! Look! Be freaky! Must keep :D We did a video last night (BML Me mentioned it in her diary too, as some of you may know). Be mighty embarrassing so I dunno if it will ever see the light of day... er, the wires of the Internet. ;;)

It's fucking hot, but still better than in Lux, or so I'm told, so who am I to complain. Hm... complaining all the same. *Moan Sigh Whinge*

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

Tuesday August 12, 2003

Clarissa's back home... no more BML :(

Category: Life & Me | 16 Comments | Posted 12:16

So, home again after a full 12 days in the UK. My longest holiday in ages :-) My Lara did 2183km around the South of England, and I travelled by plane, train, bus and car on this trip. Only ships missing, which is good cuz I get seasick on ships.

Yeah so apparently I have to do an Edinburgh entry and all that... well if you want to know what we did, all you have to do is read Me BML's Diary, hehe. And hopefully one day soon J will update too? /:) *hehe*

Yeah so what can I add to BML Me's account...
1. Greg DOES look like Shrek! (ok ok, he doesn't)
2. J is gooooorgeous!!!
3. Saturday was HOT HOT HOT but Sunday was kinda ok *lol*
4. Edinburgh is very cool, but has too many hills. Steep hills!
5. LOTS of people cuz of the festival!
6. Er, that's it. *lol*

I do have pictures of course, and may upload some of them at a later date. Am allowed to show one of J and Darina sat in a bath soaking their feet, so here you go! :)) Anyone care to see some sights? Cemeteries? Churches?

Right, yeah, so now I'm back home, I miss BML Me (who seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth - aaaah no she hasn't! *phew* Is ill tho, poor thing :-(). It's hot of course, and I am kinda tired. Am picking up Katja & Tobias in 2hrs tho, and tonight we're off to see Placebo and drool over Brian Molko (well, Katja and I will). YAY!! Am also currently trying to win tickets for the Lara Croft premiere on Wednesday. Wonderful Martine has won 2 for me already, but we need another pair of course as there's 3 of us. No luck so far.

Ah did I mention I met a cute & nice guy on my way home? See, my Lara was dripping so I got worried, and my mum suggested I go to a service station and ask. So I did and asked everyone if they knew stuff about cars. The first guy didn't, but the 2nd did (and was UK guy too), so he came and looked and said it was ok, was cuz of the A/C (aha. You learn sth new everyday), and we got chatting, he said his name was Prince (me of course: "wow, same as MJ's son!" :))), and he was from London, so I said I was moving to London in January, so he got my number now. :P I said he should text me his... will let you know if he does. :D

Er yeah that's it. Must still unpack my Lara to be able to fit T&K in, hehe. I've bought 15 bottles of traditional lemonade btw. :D And I'm hot. *sigh* It will get cooler tho they say! *phew* Oh BTW, I may not update for a while now as I have guests. May give you a Placebo report tho. Wonder if I should take my camera...

Wednesday August 13, 2003

Oooooh Brian....

Category: Life & Me | 11 Comments | Posted 0:41

:x =P~ :x =P~ :x =P~ :x =P~ :x =P~ :x =P~ :x =P~ :x =P~ :x =P~
*heeheehee* Yeah so Citz is back from the Placebo concert. Well what can I say? It was FUCKING AMAZING, I mean, seriously, it was bloody incredible! There are simply no words for it (she says and goes on about it for five paragraphs :)))

Obviously made my way to the front as IMO a concert is only enjoyable from the front rows with the pogo-ing masses. :D And wow, was it fun or WHAT?! :D I was at the right at first, with Brian at the left, but I managed to move my way to his side pretty early on so I was right in front of the yummy sexy delicious thing that is Brian Molko, including his gorgeous neck and all! :x =P~

*ahem* It was BOILING of course, luckily I had water cuz I wouldn't have made it otherwise. Did actually take a break halfway through. I swear I have never sweated this much in my whole life, I must have literally lost litres!! (sorry if you find that disgusting, but it had to be said :))) But it was incredible, I mean OH MY GOD! *drools and faints* There was a BIT too much pogoing going on during some songs, but well, no way around that. And I did a fair bit of it myself. :P My feet don't like me much at the moment. Neither does my throat. *screeeaaaaam* :P

Um yeah. Only one thing that majorly pissed me off, and that was all the smokers. 8-| Well there weren't THAT many, but enough to annoy everyone else. My eyes were stinging most of the time before the show from all the fucking cigarette smoke. I hate smokers, I really do, esp. if they show NO consideration for anyone around them. I mean WTF?! Can they not manage for a few hours without their fucking fags?! X( X( X( So yeah, if there's one thing I like about America, it's their no smoking in public places policy. We badly need that here too. X( They all need to be bloody shot, selfish bastards! X( (Brian smokes too, but, well... ;;))

OK back to the positive. Er, Brian and all that. I recorded some of the show, you know, audio on my mobile, it's pretty crap quality but I'll keep it all the same. Oh God yeah damn, I forgot to mention Brian spoke French pretty much throughout the whole concert, and DAMN, what fucking amazing French! Almost no accent, I had no idea he knew French. :x :x :x He even did Protect Me From What I Want in French. :x :x :x Aaargh I love that man! *lol* Oh did I mention he looked at me several times? :x :x :x

*cough* OK OK enough now. Something else, wonderful Martine managed to win another pair of tickets for us, isn't she fucking cool? So we can all go and drool at Lara on Thursday, and even take someone else. :D :yay So all is cool and dandy in Clarissaland. *heehee*

Ah yes, in other news, Michelle has started a Group Blog For Her Bored Friends and invited me too, so I guess I'll be posting nonsense in there too from time to time. :P

That is all for now. Must sleep. Eyes must rest, and throat and feet. :P

PS LMAOOOOOO read this (the quotes at the bottom of the page).

Travelling Friday Five

Category: Memes | 13 Comments | Posted 12:43

Hey, I've found a Friday Five that I like, so here is my first "Memes Entry" *hehe*

1. What's the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country? I guess that would be Germany yesterday, to pick up Katja and Tobias. Does that count? ;;) Before that, UK.

2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while traveling? Hm, probably 9/11. That was fairly unusual right?

3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go? Well, top of my list are Hong Kong and New Orleans. Hopefully HK will become reality soon (Xmas time?). I also wanna go to Australia at some point. And of course, as always, NYC and Paris. AM going to Paris in September :P There's lots more... I think the only place that doesn't tempt me is South America. And the Poles of course :))

4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car? Really depends. I get sick on trains and planes sometimes, but car is annoying cuz you have to pay attention all the time.

5. What's the next place on your list to visit? LMAO I guess I answered that already. Yeah, so Paris in September, maybe Hong Kong, and possibly UK some time in between. And anywhere Michael Jackson happens to turn up :P

Thursday August 14, 2003

Out of the Dark

Category: Self-analysis | 8 Comments | Posted 1:26

I was thinking the other day about how I got caught up in this massive depression after my dad's death, and how everything seemed bleak and hopeless. I felt like so much of my life was unbearable. I was dragging myself from day to day wondering when life would finally make me smile again as it had done before.

I think I can now say I've come to that point. My life is good again. Not always of course, I get sad from time to time, and I am still rather lethargic, and I'm slightly anxious about my uncertain future. But it's not this huge suffocating grey mass it was a year ago. I'm content. I like my life. I'm excited about what lies ahead.

But there are also good things in the past. It's weird the memories that make me happy - that bring an excited smile to my face no matter how annoyed I am.
There's the Moby ticket I won last November... I was so longing to go and hadn't got a ticket, and was convinced I'd miss the show, and then luck comes my way and I win this ticket.
And then there's MJ touching my hand in London. It's silly I know, and I don't think it's something anyone who's not a fan can understand. So this man stroked my hand (deliberately, he didn't have to), and even a year on it gives me a warm & fuzzy feeling inside.

What both things have in common is that I was very lucky. Maybe that's what makes me happy then - luck. I guess that's mainly cuz I'm usually very unlucky, so it makes it all the more exceptional. I still wouldn't mind winning the lottery every few weeks tho. :P


Category: Life & Me | 14 Comments | Posted 14:55

Crowds at the Placebo concert... spot the red hair! :))
Clickie for bigger. Taken from Lux. newspaper.

Friday August 15, 2003


Category: Life & Me | 8 Comments | Posted 0:01

Hehe, did I say I wasn't gonna update much as long as T&K were here? Guess I was wrong. They've discovered my telly, I mean my Sky Digital, so they're watching old films or funny preachers going "touch the screen!" (well almost). In the meantime, I'm glued to my PC. Business as usual then.

Um anyway. Been to see wonderful Tomb Raider featuring the wonderful Angelina Jolie playing the wonderful Lara Croft. It was rather wonderful, which was mainly due to the wonderfullest Angelina Jolie.

I did actually like the story, I love heroic action films, even if they don't make much sense. So yes, I had fun. She won in the end of course. Hm, you guessed that, uh? :)) Aaah but she is divine! That is all. For now. :D


Sick Clarissa

Category: Life & Me | 6 Comments | Posted 15:42

Sore throat, ears hurting, heavy limbs, tiredness. Hate being ill, and being ill when it's 28 degrees out is just wrong. *sigh* Anyway. Have found sth funny:

  Google search for "Fuck Luxembourg"
  Google search for "I hate Luxembourg"

Someone came to my site looking for "Fuck Luxembourg" *g*
Katja and Tobias are gone btw. I should go to bed really.
*wallowing in self-pity*

New Layout & Placebo

Category: Updates | 11 Comments | Posted 22:14

I was sick of the old one. OK so I didn't change much at all, but I like it this way. Blue had become boring. And Brian's a nice sight (so is Angelina, but you know...). I'd like to change things completely. Like, use a smaller font for instance, and less linespacing. But with the massive Yahoo smileys I'm using that would just look crap. Besides, I'm too lazy. :P

I got myself a ticket for the Placebo concert in Amnéville on the 20th of October. Am very excited - it's something to look forward to. :yay I hope it's gonna be just as good as this one - and quite probably not as freakin' hot, which should be an improvement. :D Can't wait to drool over sexy Brian again. =P~ Aaah I do love my little obsessions. I've all but forgotten my Angelina over all of this! :))

Saturday August 16, 2003

The Dancing Smiley Video

Category: Video | 14 Comments | Posted 14:39

Hm, yeah so when I visited BML Me in Glasgow last week, we made another one of our famous embarrassing videos...

It all started when we saw this cute smiley on Dee's diary. So we decided to recreate it... *cough* BML Me even got a blue ribbon for her hair to make it more authentic. We didn't have enough room for the proper effect tho. Anyway, the result is here: (right-click and save)

    Windows Media Video (346KB)
    Real Media (147KB)

I wouldn't have put it online as it's so embarrassing, but BML Me made me. But what's worse, we've now discovered that this site has a lot more cute "blue ribbon" smileys, which we shall all impersonate whenever we meet up next. :D :))


Category: Opinionated | 21 Comments | Posted 16:44

Haha I bet I'll make lots of friends with this entry. I often feel misanthropic. I often feel philanthropic too, but I think it's more often the former than the latter.

This outbreak of misanthropy was triggered by an article I read about German singer Herbert Grönemeyer and his fight against the tabloid press in a desperate attempt to keep them out of his private life. So he got a cease and desist order from the Springer press (main German tabloids) a while back. Still they published new photos, shot by a parapazzi in disguise, along with idiotic and pointless speculations.

They're now facing a court case that could cost them a lot of money. But they knew that, and took it into account when deciding to publish these pictures, and obviously decided that it was worth it. Why? Because people want to see it. Because the average reader of the average tabloid is a moronic, two-faced bastard with no values, no scruples, nothing but a sick curiosity fueled by jealousy and malicious joy. And a usefully selective memory.

When Princess Diana died, a victim of the world's sick obsession with celebrity gossip, there was an outcry going across the world. People from throughout the UK flocked to London to bring her flowers; they cursed the greedy tabloids and their evil paparazzi who had caused this. Did they ever ask themselves what their roles in her death had been? Tabloids only publish what their idiotic readers want to read.

After the tragedy, the tabloids swore they'd apply stricter rules, that they would respect people's privacy and not hunt them to death anymore. But they didn't do it because they realised what they had done was wrong. They only wrote what they knew people wanted to read at that very moment - business as usual then. And of course as soon as things had calmed down, things went back to normal.

People are so gullible, so complacent, so stupid. They laugh at Homer Simpson - but Homer Simpson is a reflection of them, and they're too stupid to realise it.

Sunday August 17, 2003

Speech Accents

Category: The Web | 6 Comments | Posted 12:51

Just found this, it's very interesting and a lot of fun at the same time. The Linguistics Dept at George Mason Uni have collected a Speech Accent Archive, with people from different backgrounds reading the same sample text. They have 264 samples so far.

The Ewe guy is the cutest. He's literally singing it. Immediately puts you in a good mood.
Kiswahili accent is always cute (I used to live with a girl from Kenya in my 1st year).
I like Mandarin speakers too. I've come across a lot of these at uni.
Here is an example of an extreme German accent, whereas this is kinda Americanised (that's a problem with a lot of them actually).
Latvian is cute too. I have another cUUUte sample of Latvian English, hehe.
You can also get macintoshian. *lol*

You also have to check out the Native English speakers.
The Tennessee guy for a pure Southern US accent.
The Glasgow guy for cute funnyspeak. :P
The Mississippi guy turns the red bags into plastic bags. *lol*

There are a lot more interesting ones. I'd provide them with a Luxembourgish accent, but I don't think they'd like mine. Could ask my mum to read it for them. *g*

Sexiest neck... and mine!

Category: Randomness | 16 Comments | Posted 15:06

I don't need Michael Jackson anymore for his sternocleidomastoids... I have my very own sexy neck now, which sits on top of BML Me and has far sexier sternocleidomastoids... check this out:

Indeed, and it's ALL MINE X( © *muahahahahahahahaha*

LMAO funny cartoon

Category: Randomness | 16 Comments | Posted 18:37

© Carlo Schneider.

Tuesday August 19, 2003

Misc. Site Updates

Category: Updates | 6 Comments | Posted 2:35

OK quick entry before bed... I've just spent a few hours working on a text about Atheism (you may remember I wanted to write something about it for my site), so hopefully I'll put that online one of these days. I bet y'all can't wait. *lol*
Right, there are some more update news... BML Me has put online some of the pictures I took in Scotland, so go here right now. Rather wonderful of her if you ask me. :x
As for me, I've added a new "piece" to the Art Gallery. It's the last one in the table & it refreshes automatically, so please keep viewing for alternate versions of it. There are 6, they're refreshed at random.
I have also finally put a new page up for my dad's domain name, it had been empty for a while. Nothing glam, but at least there's something.

Wednesday August 20, 2003

Surrender your Ego

Category: Life & Me | 11 Comments | Posted 3:11

Haha, another day well spent. Lying in bed sleeping or feeling sorry for myself (after my flu got worse again), and then hanging about online and on the phone doing nothing in particular. I love that:
- So what you been up to?
- Ooh, nothing in particular.
Nothing in particular is all my life is about. I dunno, should I have a purpose in life? Nah, what for? Exactly.

Did you know Paul McCartney died in '66? No, neither did I. Tobias my mentor brought it to my attention. *lol* Most fascinating. I do love conspiracy theories.

I've finished my Atheism essay and sent it to the relevant places for a review. I've also killed two fucking huge moths. Huge I tell you! They're all hairy and icky, I wonder who will remove the remains. :|

God I'm weird

Category: Life & Me | 18 Comments | Posted 10:59

I had a dream about IP addresses. No really! I was online, and somehow WinXP had a floating window that displayed my IP address... in a HUGE font, and it kept changing, even tho I didn't reconnect or anything. I remember thinking "ah so is this a new security feature?" :))

Hum yeah, so much about my dreams. Someone came to my site looking for embarrassing videos, hehehe. I've also noticed that my wonderful Blog is result #7 on Google for Clarissa, with Clarissaweb still being #4. That's good. Sorry for my Google obsession. ;;)

The Citz Be Cute

Category: Randomness | 13 Comments | Posted 15:59

Cute Mummy Prueball has written a wonderful and touching song for me, to the tune of Will You Be There. Here goes:

is mah little baybayyyyy
so I will then say to herrrr
she is my kiiiiiiiiiiiiid
She's lubblyyyyy
and awfully cutesyyyyyyyyyy
and rather cudllyyyyyy
My baby Ciiiiiii -- iiiiii --- iiitzzzzzzzz
*choir chimes in*

When cranky
her BML holds herrrrr
when wrong BML scolds herrrr
when lost Mummy findddssss herrrrr
But they told her!
A Citz should be nor-MAL!
And have her hair NORMAL COLOURED!
And pray to the end
but she is too WUBBLLYYYYY

Everyone's taking my baby from me
seems like the world wants her cuteness (be!)
I'm so proud of my widdle baybee!
She is there for me
and (screams) CUTE ENUFF TO WUB MEEEE!

she is so wubbly (WUBBLY!)
she is so cutesy (YEAHHH!)
she is my babe (I'M ONLY PRUSIEEEEE)

*choir and Prue screams "Citz is wubbly" adlibs for a few more minutes*

*tears fill eyes*
In my latest online hour
In my deepest ezboard despair
Will she be cute?
Will she still care?
In my diary
and my confibulations
(is that a word?)
through my doubts
and smiley frustrations
through my ugliness
and my deformities
through my fears about how many people online hate me
and my confessions of how I got drunk at that party and ended up with some strange boy's head in my pants.
In My Violence
In My Bad Hair days

[... oh shit I've forgotten the rest of the words.
what comes next?
Citz: er... where are we...
Citz: turbulence
in my violence.. and my turbulence....
Citz: er
then what?
*Citz digs out lyrics*]

In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In the Promise Of getting a hug from my widdle Citzicle Tomorrow
I'll never let my Baby-Citz-cute-holder-squisher-wumman part
For she'll always... *tears* *angel comes and huggles*.. be the cuterest Citzicle in my heart.

Isn't that quite wonderful? :)) I wanted her to sing it but she wouldn't.
She said I have to end by saying that I am indeed cute and she is right. So there, I've said it. Doesn't mean I believe it. :|

Atheism - a personal view

Category: Opinionated | 19 Comments | Posted 21:28

I've been meaning to write something about the reasons why I'm an atheist for a while, partly because people have asked and partly because I think it's important. The reason I keep putting it off is that I know it's going to take me ages and will need to be revised many times. Many of these things I've said before in different parts of my diary. Some I haven't. Anyway, here it all is in one place.

First off, a short disclaimer:

1. These are my own opinions & arguments. They have evolved through discussions with believers as well as atheists, through personal reflection, and through reading. I'm not a theologian, nor a historian. I haven't read that much about atheism, tho I think I know quite a bit about (Christian) theology. Either way, I haven't spent months studying this or anything.
2. Most of what I say will be centred around the Christian God, as this is the one I grew up with and the one I've most argued about. I don't claim to know an awful lot about Allah, Buddha or Brahma. But the most important of my arguments are universal and apply to any God.
3. I'd like to stress that it is not my intention to convert anyone to atheism, or to demean anyone who believes in God. I'm aware that most of these arguments won't convince anyone who strongly believes in a deity. I just wanted to explain my own point of view. All I ask is that you respect me for my beliefs - don't insult me and don't tell me I'm a lost soul and that you pity me. Feel free to bring counter-arguments though.

Right, let's get to the point. I will try to approach this from 3 different angles which, put together, make up my atheism.

  1. historical (how history deconstructs religion)

  2. rational (why there is no need for a God)

  3. theological (how the God I know contradicts himself)
These will probably overlap at times. They are also heavily interrelated, which is why it is so hard to structure them. I'll start with history.


Religion put in perspective

Historians and archaeologists have in the past one or two centuries allowed us to study the evolution of religious rites and beliefs from its very early stages - from the first burials and religious sacrifices right through to organised religion and esoteric sects. This gives us an idea of what, and more importantly, why people believed, and in my opinion it provides a revealing insight into the workings of religion itself.

People's gods have always been firmly rooted in their world-view: they emerged as a response to problems they were facing, and they were always constructs of things people could grasp or imagine. The fact that Gods are a reflection of mankind (rather than the other way round) is so clear and obvious to me that I find it hard to believe that so many people don't see it. But I guess the very fact that they are makes it so deceptively easy to believe in them.

To give concrete historical examples: people started out believing in "Nature Gods", and they turned to them for a better harvest or more favourable weather. Monotheism developed relatively late: first off, people looked for Gods in what they saw around them. God of the forest, God of the Water... only later did they transcend the purely visible. And of course they have always been shaped on ourselves. Could you imagine your God as a heap of goo? Of course not, that would be gross.

One more thing that baffles me is every religion's claim to truth. Of course this has to be part of it for the whole thing to work, but again, doesn't history destroy the whole illusion? You may know the Parable of the Three Rings which illustrates this problem (though of course it maintains that one of the religions does hold the true ring, i.e. the truth).

The sign o' the times

But this is not the only inconsistency. If you look at the whole thing historically, you can clearly trace how one belief evolved from the other, why one religion rose and found followers, while another died in its wake. Religions don't find adepts because they are the most compellingly true, but because of the circumstances of the time, or in fact because it is imposed on them by their leaders, invaders, colonialists or others.

You can also see what one religion takes (in traditions and values) from its predecessors (this is an important element of conversion). A striking example of this can be found in the main Christian holidays, which are all based on old Pagan ones: the birth of Christ corresponds to Winter Solstice or Yule (around 21st December), All Saints and All Hallows (these are still celebrated in Catholic countries) to Samhain (now "reborn" as Halloween), and Easter to Ostara. Christ chose rather convenient days to be born and crucified, didn't he. And while we're on the subject, isn't it the strangest thing that Chanukkah and Kwanza happen around the same time?

Similarly, Islam can be seen as a revised edition of former religions, mainly Christianity, adapted to the times and customs of the Prophet Mohammed, when debauchery and loose morals were shaking the region. This is why, for instance, alcohol is forbidden to Muslims (for more on the subject, read here).

God: nothing but a victim of history?

These are only examples of course. The point I'm trying to make is that you can trace the evolution of deities and religions through the times. But if you want a theocentric approach to it, I ask this: if, say, the Christian God was the true God, would he really let humankind stumble around in the darkness for thousands of years until he made his first appearance in the Old Testament? Or let's assume the old Greek Gods were the true Gods - would they simply accept their demise and let people move on & believe in somebody else? How does the idea of one sole truth make sense in light of the past 5000 or so years?

I know this doesn't prove the non-existence of ANY God - and that more and more people these days tend to manufacture their very own little deity (usually along the lines of "well yeah, I don't know, I don't believe in any of those organised religions, but I think there must be something, some sort of Creator..."). We'll get to that next.


God explains it all - or does he?

This is something that has only really become obvious within the last century - or more so than before. It is rooted in a historical analysis of people's doubts and their quest for answers. We can say that gods were created to explain things. For ages, they provided a good enough explanation - the best we could find in fact.
A crude example: Thunderstorms scared us. Now before we could explain it as a meteorological and electrical phenomenon, it sounded plausible enough that it was the wrath of a God - most wonderfully exemplified in Zeus throwing lightning or Thor swinging his hammer. When people were exposed to the (often inexplicable) whims of the weather, it must have been comforting to pray to the Gods for rain, rather than feeling completely helpless, with nothing better to do than wait for a change.

The same goes for all the rest of creation. Of course it was hard to grasp how we had come to be. There we were, the most sophisticated beings on Earth, adorned with speech, consciousness, logic, and self-reflection. How could this be, and what was the point of this? The most accessible explanation seemed to be that someone had created us. This also gave us a purpose in life, should we require one. We should aim to please our creator. Hooray - all sorted!

Getting rid of God

Then came the Enlightenment, and Darwin, and astronomers, and prehistorians, and the world started to make more and more sense. Old religious world pictures have long lost their validity - only reactionary sectarian freaks still believe that the earth is flat and the sun revolves around it, or in fact that God created the World in seven days.

What's happened is that what was formerly believed to be a historic truth (descendance from Adam and Eve and the like) is now considered a fable, an allegory. Which is rather lame: religious theories are conveniently adapted to fit in with scientific knowledge (though often not without a struggle - must I remind you of Copernicus and Galileo). Fact is: today the Bible, or any other religious interpretation of the world, can't really offer anything more plausible than what we have in front of us. This is the general gist of the American Atheist interview with Douglas Adams.

Few people today will refute the theory of Evolution and the creation of the universe (big bang etc). So where does God fit in there? What does he actually explain? What was his role? There is simply no need for him, things make perfect sense without him. We may not have worked everything out up to the last quark, but we're getting there, and considering the progress we've made in a few hundred years, chances are we'll crack the rest of 'em too. God has become obsolete - he has outlived himself.

So where's the explanation for God?

In fact, a God creates infinitely more problems than he solves. Why is he there? Why did he create us? Who created him? Why does he let things happen the way they do? The World without a Creator leaves very few questions open. But the Creator himself... big fat catalogue full of dead ends. I know deists don't like being asked those questions, but from a detached and rational point of view they impose themselves.

And no one so far has been able to offer a satisfactory answer. They tend to conveniently hide behind clichés such as "God moves in mysterious ways" and "thou shalt not question the origin of the Lord". This is where they lose in any discussion: they end up referring to these postulates that cannot (and in their opinion need not) be proven. These are of course constitutive elements of their belief, but they don't withstand a logical and objective analysis. This is what Adams calls the "burden of proof" - there is absolutely no reason why believers should be exempt from proving the existence of their God. I maintain that they can't.

A Fable: the aliens have landed

Let me recapitulate this, as it is the most important part of my argument. In fact, let's play a little mind game. Imagine an alien landing on our planet, someone who has never come across the idea of religion before. This alien is a "tabula rasa", a clean slate, he has never even considered the idea of a God. Even atheists have grown up around God, therefore they are not "unburdened" - notice how we define ourselves by negating God (A-theism).

So the alien has a look around the world, he studies it in detail. He takes some measurements, estimates the age of the Earth as some 4.5 billion years (he's not far out), and congratulates us on our planet. Not quite as far evolved as his, but we do have those pretty colourful flowers and all. He reckons we're probably at the best possible distance from the sun, which has allowed for a varied fauna and flora.

Then the alien studies humans and their customs, and he goes "what's with the God thing? What is that all about?" So someone tells him "well he's the one who created all of this!" and the alien goes "What?? But I've studied your planet in detail, I couldn't find any creator! In fact when I flew in with my ship I saw it from afar, there was no one around! Where is he? What did he do?"

Everything the alien needed to understand the world was right there before his eyes, he had it all worked out and he's written a nice little chapter about our evolution for his "Guide to the Galaxy". So now you explain to him why this perfectly self-sufficient and logical world needs a creator. Prove it to him! You can't. The world made perfect sense before and he will see absolutely no reason to accept, to even assume the existence of something no one has ever seen, something that doesn't seem to have done anything, since we can trace the creation of our planet, even our galaxy or the entire Universe, from its early beginnings.

The burden of proof

Most believers will react to an atheist's assertions by saying "you can't prove that there is no God". No I can't, but I can prove perfectly coherently that there is a world without a God. Therefore there is no God. It's the same as if I told you "you can't prove that there is no pink elephant floating in this room." You'd go "but there clearly isn't, I can't see it and neither can you". Well so it is with God. The burden of proof lies with you. I've disposed of mine. I know this is incredibly difficult to get across, as the presence of a God is so strong in believers' mind that they cannot see how it doesn't logically flow from the world around us. But fact is, it doesn't.

What I believe, in fact what I know, is based on what I see around me. It's all there, it makes sense, there is nothing missing in my world view. God on the other hand is a conjecture, an abstract idea that was created when there was a need for it, but based on nothing. None of what we can see proves the existence of a deity. God is a nice little story, no doubt more glamourous than slowly evolving out of a pool of goo in an infinite chain of coincidences - but pure fiction (I recommend reading The Life of Pi btw).

I wouldn't wanna rob anyone of their nice little story, as long as they do no harm. Religion has created evil, but that evil is rooted in the human nature just as much as belief itself is. Religion has its beauty to me, I wouldn't want to live without it, it has inspired the most beautiful music, architecture and fiction. But it's a human construct, nothing more.


This is purely related to the Christian God and the Christian doctrine.
The basic argument here goes like this:
Apparently, the Christian God is
1. perfect,
2. benevolent
3. omniscient
4. omnipotent.
Considering the evil, the suffering and the injustice in the world today, this is impossible. Either he is omnipotent but indifferent, or he is benevolent but powerless. If it weren't so, how could he create humankind the way it is now? I think this makes sense so far.

Now Christians have answers to this of course. First off, God gave us free will. So basically all the evil in the world is our own fault. Does that sound like a perfect God? Remember: he created us in his own image. We are flawed and have created an utterly imperfect world. Surely if God was omniscient, he would have known this in advance. So why did he create us? For his own entertainment? -> Sadistic, i.e. malevolent. For lack of better knowledge? -> clearly not omniscient.

Second argument: the reason we suffer is because we must seek redemption for the Original Sin. OK, apart from the fact that the whole of Genesis has become obsolete and ridiculous: how come virtuous people or innocent children in Liberia die of hunger or in massacres whereas evil, selfish Mafia bosses in Moscow live a life of plenty? Were the former more closely related to Eve?

Third argument: God will reward us all later to remedy all the injustice in the world. So the Liberian child will go straight to heaven (provided he was baptised, as otherwise he will end up in limbo), whereas the evil Mafia boss will roast in hell. This again creates injustice as no one has any influence on where they are born and how much they will suffer: so will the Liberian child be on a higher & softer cloud than I, just because I had the "misfortune" of being born in rich Luxembourg?

And that's disregarding the technical intricacies: Anyone repenting before they die will be forgiven and granted access to heaven. So as long as the evil Mafia boss feels truly sorry at the end of his vicious life, he'll be rubbing shoulders with the innocent child. Oh and let's not forget 500 years ago he also had the possibility of buying his place in heaven in the form of indulgences. That of course wasn't the will of God but only the evil doings of the Catholic church.

We could go round in circles forever... as I said, this is strictly in relation to the Christian God. I know this leaves room for an indifferent or amoral God - the only one I'd be willing to accept if it weren't for part 2 of my argument. The way things are, there is nothing but atheism. No God.

I'm looking forward to any replies to this. Any objection, counter-argument, proof that I am wrong is welcome. However, because I've had countless theological discussions in the past, I will be selective about what I react to. I am particularly interested in the following:

  • explanation/justification/proof of the existence of God (please spare me with "you are not meant to question Him" and "but look at the pretty flowers!")

  • my first anti-Christian argument: how can God be omniscient as well as benevolent? And if he is, why did he create us?
I'm not too interested in plucking apart the Original Sin, nor the different levels of heavenly bliss. Feel free to let me know if you have sth clever to say, but don't expect me to reply.
The same goes for any part of my historical approach. I have very few questions & doubts about what I wrote there, and the ones I have you probably can't answer, so don't bother.

Thursday August 21, 2003

Interviewed by Michelle

Category: Memes | 19 Comments | Posted 16:36

OK, this is a cool Chain Meme that's been going around: someone writes 5 questions for you, you answer them, then other people can request questions from you. Makes it all a lot more personal than the usual "Friday Five" etc :-) Here are the rules:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

So my questions are by Michelle. They're cool! :D Anyone who wants to be interviewed by me, drop me a comment.

1. What will you do on Michael Jackson's birthday on August 29th this year? Any plans to party, celebrate?
Er... haven't actually thought about that yet. I don't think I'll be doing anything in particular. As I don't have any other MJ fans around here, I can't really celebrate. I'll probably just be at home feeling sorry for myself cuz I can't be in LA. :))

2. If you could tell your biological father what you've never told him right into his face and probably never had the guts or will to tell him (maybe cuz it's a waste of time and energy), what would it be?
Interesting question cuz I've just been giving this some thought again these past few weeks. I've considered seeking him out and confronting him, but kinda decided against it cuz it would indeed be a waste of time.
In fact there isn't much I haven't told him, I had a phase where I threw everything in his face a few years back. I thought it would make me feel better, but because he was so unresponsive, it was a rather frustrating experience.
The things I accuse him of are, um, that he's a selfish bastard & unable of self-criticism, that he's created nothing but pain for those around him and that he's achieved absolutely nothing in life, despite his outstanding opinion of himself. I think if I saw him again these days I'd ask him if he realises how far gone he is, and that most people think he should be locked up. But with his psychopathic personality he would (and does) believe that everyone else is wrong and he's the only sane one. :))
All those years ago I told him during an argument "if I was like you I'd tell you I want you dead, but luckily I'm not". I think today I'd tell him that I do wish him dead, that it would be best for everyone, even himself.

3. If you could make a change about three human characteristics that about every human being shares with everyone and that define the human race, which three would it be to make the world a better place for everyone?
Wow, tough one. What with me being convinced of the universality of human nature and all, I should be able to find 3 right away. OK I'd definitely say greed. That should get rid of most organised crime and all.
Now we'd need one characteristic that makes people knock each other's heads in... but because it's such a complex thing, it's quite hard. Based on my theories about instinct I'd have to say the need to dominate... hunger for power. We must get rid of that.
And I'd teach everyone forgiveness. Rather than dwelling on conflicts that started centuries ago, people should be able to look into each other's eyes and just see another human being, someone like them. Not an enemy they feel like strangling.
Can I add a fourth one? Humility it would be. No one should consider themselves superior to anyone else. No hate, no discrimination, no domination. OK, that should actually get rid of the powertrips too, so we can drop that. So we'd have: forgiveness, humility, and no more greed. Aah, spoken like a true Christian. :P

4. What do you think are the main reasons why you've never really had a relationship to a man?
I think I just don't see the point. I don't need any of what relationship gives you, in fact I don't even want it. And I don't fancy all the baggage that comes with it. I don't want to be half of some entity, where I only get to make half of the decisions, where I have to always remember what my other half may be thinking. I don't want all these complex emotions, like being hurt, then not talking about it, secretly hoping your other half will notice, then being upset because he doesn't. Or because he does notice, but doesn't wanna talk about it.
Relationships (even friendships) become so complicated when a lot of emotion is involved. Whenever there is a problem, it becomes a big deal because people seem so unwilling to just sit down and talk it through. And when you're in a relationship, it becomes so much worse because you're always out to impress each other, there is so much avoidance and euphemising, not talking about something that bugs you because you're afraid of losing them. And it takes many years to get to a level of openness and intimacy that I'd find acceptable.
And keeping a relationship going is hard work, even if you do manage to talk about things. I don't think I could have such an intense, such an inter-dependent tie with someone. No relationship is perfect, there are always misunderstandings and different opinions, and going through that on a day to day basis is just something I can't imagine doing.
And thing is, I don't miss or need anything a relationship could give me. I don't need the sex (and if I did, I could get it elsewhere), I don't need someone 'being there to cuddle me' when I get home after a bad day or whatever, and I don't really need someone to share my life with me. At the end of the day I'm a rather solitary person I think. Imagining people who have never spent more than a week-end apart from each other gives me the creeps. I think I'd start to hate anyone if I saw so much of them.

5. What do you think will you and your position be like in your life when you're maybe 65 years old? Marital status, job, properties, happiness, satisfaction, state of mind, health etc.
LOL well to be quite honest I don't have the slightest idea. Especially now where I've pretty much thrown everything overboard and am going into the big scary world with absolutely no plan... I don't even know if I'll get to be 65, but then anyone our age probably says that.
I don't think I'll be married obviously (hehe), and I have no idea as to my happiness or health. I guess I will have inherited by then, so I should own a bit of real estate, or whatever else I have chosen to invest it in, or maybe I won't cuz I'll have spent it all!? Job-wise... no clue, seriously. I don't know what's going to happen in London, I don't know how long it will keep happening and what will happen afterwards, it really all depends on what I want, and what I can find, and what I can keep.
I don't even know where I'll be... here or in the UK. It's not impossible that I'll move back here at some point. Or move somewhere else entirely? Haha, maybe I'll live on the moon by then! Provided they have broadband internet connection... :P

Friday August 22, 2003

Despair or indifference

Category: Opinionated | 24 Comments | Posted 12:01

Hm, this entry is as a response to someone who doesn't have a comments feature on their diary. X( That person is basically saying that they can't be happy unless (or until) they've found out what the meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything is (hehe, can't help quoting wonderful Douglas Adams). Funnily, I've had some debates about this with people.

See, the whole "wondering about the meaning" is me 10yrs ago. Lying in bed at night, thinking about the vastness of the Universe and my place in it. They said it was infinite - just trying to imagine something that never ended was almost too much. And then of course there was the question if it was real. Who was to say it wasn't just an illusion? I had a phase where I imagined the whole world was only a dream of mine, which was rather neat as it made me the centre of the universe. Rather rotten dream though as things never went my way.

I spent years pondering these issues. I never found a satisfying conclusion I think, or at least I can't remember it. The vastness of the universe, tho it still amazes me, doesn't unsettle me any longer. Why should it, it doesn't affect me directly. And the meaning of life... I wouldn't say I've stopped looking, it's more that I've accepted there is none. Of course our consciousness makes us wonder, I think it lies within human nature to try to find "an answer". And I don't think we will ever stop.

But the question is "why should there be a meaning?" Does there need to be one? So the universe came into being, and so did our planet, and so eventually did we, in an infinite chain of coincidences (hehe, love me that phrase). Is that not enough? Why not? Because it doesn't attriubute enough importance to us? Because it reduces us to near-nothingness, a whim of nature that doesn't take up more than a second in the 24hr existence of the Earth?

If you leave a bit of bread out for too long and mould builds up on it, do you ponder about the deeper meaning of this mould? About its purpose in life? No, you accept that bacteria + air + bread = mould. We are the mould of the Earth. We don't have a mission to fulfil, except perpetrating our kind.

I like the idea of parallel universes. Everytime you make a decision, you choose one way for things to happen. But maybe another you chose a different way. Then the whole world changes, simply because this infinitesimal part of it changed. This happens billions of times every second, all around the world, maybe all around the universe. So we have an unimaginable number of parallel universes - in some of these there is no Earth, in some the Earth is still populated by dinosaurs, in some the Cuba crisis escalated in '62 and we blew up the planet, in some I'm simply drinking juice instead of Coke.

Isn't that a cool idea? Not only is there one infinite universe, no there's an infinite number of infinite universes! And still no reason. Absolutely none. Some would call it absurdity, and I like the Absurd, but we only call it that because it seems so strange to us that there should be no meaning. There are no questions really, the Universe doesn't ask questions. It's us asking, and us failing to find answers. Us us us. The mere act of asking questions makes it all about us, too. No one gives a damn but us! :))

I say, embrace your meaninglessness, your smallness, make the most of it. Why waste your life thinking about stuff you cannot answer? A lifetime is not enough to answer the ultimate question, and you have but one lifetime. Lying on your deathbed at 80, you might well regret not having made more of your life. The meaning you won't have found anyway, while in the meantime you could have made friends, seen videos, and bought cars. :P

Theme Thursday: Hoarding

Category: Memes | 14 Comments | Posted 14:47

My first Photo entry: it's for Theme Thursday and the theme is Hoarding.

This is my Kinder Egg collection - well, part of it. I have been collecting for years, I have hundreds if not a thousand. Most of them are in a big shoe box, I don't really know what to do with them but I can't resist them. :P

Saturday August 23, 2003

Clarissa's Crib

Category: Video | 10 Comments | Posted 0:34

OK so I was watching the abominable MTV Cribs again earlier (simply cuz there was nothing else on) and I thought I could do my own version of it, poking fun at it and all. So I did and, well, this is the result. Now it's really quite dark cuz it was filmed at night, and it's quite rubbish too cuz I had no one to hold the cam for me, but I'm also quite proud of my background music, my transition effects and my exquisite commentary. :D Ok so here we go (please right-click & save):

I'd also like to draw your attention to the pointless and inappropriate choice of music, and the nauseating camera shots - just like like the real thing! :))

In other news, since all my interviewees (chain meme, cf here) have put their answers online, I thought I'd guide you to them. :P

Photo Friday: Broken

Category: Memes | 12 Comments | Posted 15:02

Another Photography Meme, Photo Friday this time, topic: Broken.

This was taken at the Glasgow Necropolis on the 8th of August. There were satanist symbols on a nearby grave, maybe this was related.

Monday August 25, 2003

Jesus died in Kashmir

Category: Opinionated | 22 Comments | Posted 1:04

I've just watched an absolutely fascinating BBC4 program called Did Jesus Die, which looked at different theories surrounding Jesus, his crucifixion and resurrection, as well as the rest of his life.

Apparently it was perfectly possible to survive crucifixion. In fact, they said it was rather unlikely that Jesus died after only 3 or 6 hours as stated in the different Gospels. Death by crucifixion takes several days - you finally die suffocated after the legs cannot support you any longer and your body's weight on your arms crushes the ribcage. This process can be (and sometimes was) accelerated by breaking the legs, but this was not the case for Jesus (according to the Bible of course).

So the idea is, he was declared (and may well have seemed) dead - some people link this state to the "vinegar-imbibed" sponge he was given by the disciples (a drug to sedate him?) - then he was taken off the cross and put in the grave. The fact that Joseph of Arimathaea took aloes with him into the grave (a healing herb, not an embalming one!) supports the idea that Jesus wasn't dead.

So after "rising again" Jesus of course had to flee the country as he was a condemned man. So where does he go? He travels East. Now here's the interesting part... remember the three Sages who visited the child Jesus in the stable? Well, the theory goes that they may have been buddhist monks - you know how when a lama dies, they wander about looking for a new incarnation. This, so they say, would also explain why there are absolutely no accounts of Jesus' life between the age of 14 and 29: he was in fact in India learning about Buddhism, where he was known as Issa - local legends and scrolls do indeed tell of St Issa.

As a matter of fact, Jesus' teachings take much from Buddhism (and are rather far from the Old Testament, i.e. Judaism). The program illustrated this with several examples which of course I do not remember. But anyone can see that "love thy enemies" is closer to the peaceful buddhist teachings than to the "an eye for an eye" from the Old Testament.

Right, so after being 'resurrected' from the cross, Jesus travels east. Again, there are documents to illustrate this. He is known as Yuz Asaf and preaches until a very high age. His tomb is said to be in Srinagar in Kashmir. During my online research I found out that some US researchers are/were attempting to exhume the body, but with the church being a holy site they won't stand much of a chance. There are however, near the tomb, the carved footprints of Yuz Asaf and these bear marks that could stem from a crucifixion.

I find this absolutely fascinating stuff. I know anyone can claim anything and history, especially this far back, is a rather unprecise science. (Other theories claim that Jesus fled to the Camargue with Mary Magdalen and had children with her. Again, there are local legends to support this.) But this sounds as plausible to me as anything else (I especially like the explanation of his resurrection), and if nothing else it makes for a nice story.

Tuesday August 26, 2003

The wanker sharing my name

Category: Life & Me | 7 Comments | Posted 0:33

Yes so my father's a wanker. Well we all knew that anyway, but it has been proven yet again. So now he's threatening to sue my nan for entering her appartment while he lived there without paying rent. Trespassing and all that. :)) What a joke, he wasn't even officially living there. He's clearly... I don't know what he is. Insane, but it's not just that. There's something about him, something spooky. He's like a bad memory, like an evil voice from an old nightmare... he creeps up from time to time. and it's always bad news. Or annoying at any rate (not like he's really a threat these days).

He's amusing at times... I mean some of the stuff he comes up with is just so out of it it makes you laugh, if you're not the target of his madness. But underlying it is creepiness, and something I will never understand. I can put labels on him: psychopathic, paranoid, deluded. But all of it united in one person, the actual reality of it, is something I find hard to grasp. How can he be out there? How come he's not locked away somewhere? He has been. Why isn't he still there?

So I had someone commenting on the fact that I preach forgiveness but don't practice it on my father. It's true, I see no reason to forgive him anything. But it's not only that - what would be the point of forgiving? There is so much more coming, he always has been and always will be a bastard, and I never want anything to do with him - not out of resentment (at least not only), but because nothing good will ever come from this person, ever. Not until he dies. He's a nuisance at best, a danger at worst.

My stepdad wasn't perfect, he had flaws, and I hated him at times, I had huge ugly fights with him. But he had good sides too, and they outweighed the bad. These good sides were the foundations of any forgiveness. They made it worth while getting over the bad sides, and they were what I loved him for. With my father, there is nothing good to build anything on.

I feel nothing but disgust for that man, and I'm glad for it. My nan loves him still, somewhere inside, the way a mother loves her son no matter how fucked up he is. "Right or wrong my son," she used to say. And she suffers seeing this complete failure, this vicious and selfish man who'd throw her down a bridge if he had something to gain from it.

I will dance on his grave, and I mean this literally. I hope I'll get the chance - the sooner the better. But I don't think he'll do us the favour. He'll probably survive us all, the bastard.

Clarissaweb is complete!

Category: Updates | 12 Comments | Posted 16:11

Hooray, I've finally put My Pics of Places back online.... well it's really a more general Image Gallery, I'm hoping to put more pics online. Right now it only has general touristy pics, but I'll put my cemetery pics online too and maybe random stuff later as well.

At the moment the pictures don't have descriptions, after all the resizing and uploading I really couldn't be arsed. I'm hoping to add them later - well, whenever I feel like it, bit by bit. But I'll do the Cemeteries first. :-)

Prince rang yesterday, you know, the guy I met on my way back from the UK. He's overly keen on meeting up, he wants to come down the week-end after next, obviously there is no way! *lmao* Why do I keep getting myself in these situations? I'm such a cow!

Oh, and my mum said she'd pay for me to have my eyes done... you know, Lasik surgery, so I won't need glasses anymore. Funky ey? :D

Thursday August 28, 2003

Hello Goodbye

Category: Updates | 22 Comments | Posted 1:01

I spent all day in bed with a headache, but now I'm all tired again, so will return to bed. Thought I'd grace you with an update first, not that I have much to tell. Went to a friend's place for dinner last night, and went spying with another friend tonight. Don't ask... :))

Ah yes, I've decided to (probably) start a new category on my Blog where I'll explain or tell about random things that I find interesting to know. Like, do a bit of research about a certain topic I've come across and write a concise paragraph with links for more information. I find that many people's general knowledge is a bit dire, so this will be my modest way of enhancing it. Which only works when people read it tho, but I trust in their general willingness to learn new things. ;;)

Citz luvs her BML

Category: Opinionated | 10 Comments | Posted 19:18

Does. Just wanted to point out, and stress, in case is forgotten.
That is all. Yes yes, longer update later.

Friday August 29, 2003

Happy Birthday Michael!

Category: Michael Jackson | 6 Comments | Posted 0:38

Considering it's the 29th of August... well here it is anyway... and I didn't send a present or a letter or a card or buy a $1000 plane ticket to go to a party in LA.... and I'm not planning to bake a cake and sing a song...

... here's an entry. So... HAPPY 45th BIRTHDAY. *heehee*

UK blackout & the US...

Category: Opinionated | 13 Comments | Posted 1:21

London Power Cut - Isn't that kinda funny? After the whole of Europe scoffed at the retarded Americans and their crappy electricity network, down goes half of London & South UK all the way to Ashford. Of course the UK are nothing but the US' crappy little brother.

Haha now I sound all US-apologetic. Of course I'm not. But being universally misanthropic, I can just laugh at everyone. :))

Considering I'll be living in London in about 4 months from now, maybe I should take these things a bit more seriously. I think I would enjoy it tho. Except if it rained. OK granted, all your food defrosting isn't that much fun, and of course the lack of Internet would be a major tragedy. :o But as long as there are books (and a GameBoy Advance) I think I would survive.

Which sorta reminds me of New York and the images we saw of that blackout. I almost wished I'd been there when I saw it on TV. That has a lot do with 9/11. NYC showed its best side after the tragedy, and it was bound to make a better impression than many other cities. I wouldn't have wanted to experience a terrorist attack in Paris or Berlin. I felt so at home in NYC after the attacks, so secure.

I would love to live in New York. I mean, I adore it. So the other day I was seriously considering moving there - like, for a year or two. My mum would hate me if I did, as the US are evil and one is not to live there. Now I don't really care what she thinks... but then I realised that I think the US are evil too, and no matter how much I love the city, I could not bear living in that country.

Which is a bit of a shame - I mean I'm punishing myself more than anyone else. But no matter how I twist and turn it, I disagree with so much of what's going on there that I couldn't do it. Maybe I'll change my mind. There was a time when I resented all Germans for WW2 & the Holocaust and I (sort of) got over that too. But then the Germans have acknowledged their guilt and it was 50yrs ago... and the Americans are still at it, with an arrogance and a stupidity that the rest of the world finds very hard to grasp.

Hume and Natural Religion

Category: Opinionated | 3 Comments | Posted 20:29

At the moment, my "loo book" (I always need sth to read on the loo) is dtv Atlas zur Philosophie, a concise philosophy encyclopaedia. So today I came across Hume and his writings on the origins of religion.

David Hume ranks among the most influential philosophers in the field of the philosophy of religion. He criticised the standard proofs for God's existence, traditional notions of God's nature and divine governance, the connection between morality and religion, and the rationality of belief in miracles. He also advanced theories on the origin of popular religious beliefs, grounding such notions in human psychology rather than in rational argument or divine revelation. (source).

Which is pretty much what I think too, and what I argued in my Atheism essay. Feels great to know that great philosophers have thought the same way than I do. *lol*

Now I remember we did Hume at school. We studied (well, we skimmed) his "Treatise of Human Nature". But not a word about his writings on religion. Of course not, they wouldn't want to corrupt us with religion-critical thoughts. Better keep us ignorant and docile.

It makes me so angry, how the fucking clerics in this country indoctrinate people - and I don't think it's that much different in other countries with Catholics or Protestants in influential positions. Let's hold on to power as long as we can. No, I don't think most people believe in God out of choice. They believe because they don't know any better, and because it's a tradition that is instilled in them from such an early age that they can't rid themselves of it.

Saturday August 30, 2003

So comforting

Category: Opinionated | 2 Comments | Posted 3:35

The news are so comforting. In all their tragedy and their negativity they comfort me, because they are so fucking predictable. They give me a structure.

Crazed Palestinians will keep blowing up civilians in Israel, and reactionary Zionists will keep killing off Palestinians. Imagine if all of a sudden they told us "the Middle East problem has finally been solved". Wouldn't you be taken aback? Incredulous? Of course.

Islamist terrorists will keep setting off bombs and abducting people the world over. In Iraq people will keep struggling, disagreeing, fighting, raiding, killing. In Liberia they will keep torturing and murdering. In South America the drug mafia will keep making any progress an impossibility.

And in the US they will keep lying and manipulating and walking all over the rest of the world. And in Germany they will keep fussing and discussing and plucking things apart. And in Italy they will keep lying and corrupting and ignoring their problems.

And so on and so forth. The human race goes round and round in circles, has done for thousands of years and will keep doing so. It's incredibly frustrating in a way, but its immutability is comforting too. At least we know where we're going in our stupidity. What more are we expecting?

The Stanford Prison Experiment

Category: You Live & Learn | 6 Comments | Posted 16:55

I'm sure most of you have heard of this - a psychology experiment in 1971 where a prison situation was simulated and quickly escalated. Anyway I just found this interesting website about it (by the main researcher Philip Zimbardo). It's a slide show documenting the whole experiment (with pictures and even some videos). Takes a while to go thru it all, but it's worth it (and come on, you must be bored if you're here!). You can also just read this shorter article at

Or you can not bother at all. Anyway, I will go and deliver my guinea pigs at their boarding kennel, and then start packing my bags, as tomorrow morning I will be off to Paris :D Back on Wednesday.

Sunday August 31, 2003

Buhbye for 4 days!

Category: Michael Jackson | 17 Comments | Posted 7:24

God how annoying! The plan was to get up a little early this morning, go online and get all the MJ Party news before disappearing to Paris. But turns out the latest news are "MJ is now on stage"!!! I mean, why does he always have to be late with everything?! The show started over 4hrs ago.... IF it was on time. And the MJJF Thread about the party is 26 pages long! 26 fucking pages, how could I ever go thru all of those!?

Anyway. Will be off to Paris without learning about great announcements and smashing previews of new albums! :)) Yeah like that was gonna happen anyway. MJ fans are moronic drama queens btw. That's just as an aside. Now me is off. See you Wednesday night! Unless I get very bored in Paris and grace you with an update from over there :P