Out of the Dark

I was thinking the other day about how I got caught up in this massive depression after my dad's death, and how everything seemed bleak and hopeless. I felt like so much of my life was unbearable. I was dragging myself from day to day wondering when life would finally make me smile again as it had done before.

I think I can now say I've come to that point. My life is good again. Not always of course, I get sad from time to time, and I am still rather lethargic, and I'm slightly anxious about my uncertain future. But it's not this huge suffocating grey mass it was a year ago. I'm content. I like my life. I'm excited about what lies ahead.

But there are also good things in the past. It's weird the memories that make me happy - that bring an excited smile to my face no matter how annoyed I am.
There's the Moby ticket I won last November... I was so longing to go and hadn't got a ticket, and was convinced I'd miss the show, and then luck comes my way and I win this ticket.
And then there's MJ touching my hand in London. It's silly I know, and I don't think it's something anyone who's not a fan can understand. So this man stroked my hand (deliberately, he didn't have to), and even a year on it gives me a warm & fuzzy feeling inside.

What both things have in common is that I was very lucky. Maybe that's what makes me happy then - luck. I guess that's mainly cuz I'm usually very unlucky, so it makes it all the more exceptional. I still wouldn't mind winning the lottery every few weeks tho.