Ya hello. I'm off to London soon. Tomorrow is scary job fair. 
I'm torn between "I don't care" and "wouldn't mind being employed". Blah.
Had dinner with Chris tonight. OOOH I HAVE A BOYFRIEND?!?! No I fucking don't, now get the fuck over it.
People annoy me. People in the street I mean. I want to kill them. But at least it's sunny. Ugh and I've just dribbled Coke down my MJ shirt.
I've booked Colmar. Placebo you know. Mhm. God I fucking hate London.
Ugh I'm late byebye.
*lol* Well not really but today I do, at least around here. 
I'm sitting at my desk studying marketing and PR!
Have a picture report.
Continue reading "Guess where I am no longer?"
Wam: GOD my Tommy is sexy 
Jimmy: your computer or person?
Wam: 
both, but right now I was thinking of the laptop
[longr upd8 latr hehe]
Continue reading "snigger"
Right now is one of those moments.
Why is the sea so fucking far away?!?!?! 
(oh yeah and that longer update... sure. soon)
It seems this is a common misconception because I keep going on about how sexy he is. So I just thought I'd clear that up. Thank you for your attention and now
Christ.
Right, long entry...
Continue reading "This is the life!"
This entry, my dear friends, is one of my procrastination entries...
Continue reading "Neverending story..."
The concrete broke your fall
To hear you speak of it
I'd have done anything
I would do anything
I feel like a cartoon brick wall
To hear you speak of it
You've been so sad
It makes me worry
Why not smile?
You've been sad for a while.
Why not smile?
I would do anything
To hear you speak of it.
Why not smile?
You've been sad for a while.
You've been sad for a while.
R.E.M.
So here I am. I think I have progressed a little bit.
First L.J. had a hamster... then Tom had a hamster.... then squiZZ had hamsters...
now I have hamsters!!!!! 
So what's new in Brighton...
Continue reading "Drag, Drop & my toe"
Last night I went to the beach with some candles and I wrote an entry.
Continue reading "Oh the pretty lights..."
I started looking for my first scanned entry, and ended up reading old entries for hours.
Continue reading "I blame Mon"
Or anything really. I have been just about holding onto the edge of reality these past few weeks and I'm inevitably reaching the point where I need to get my act together and face up to the fact that this type of life is only sustainable for so long. Visit-friend-in-London, do-half-hearted-job-search, pretend-to-be-doing-work-for-ex-tutor... it just doesn't work after a while.
I'm not sure what I am waiting for. Maybe just for someone to shake me and shout "it's not gonna sort itself out!!!" Probably more than that though. Well, really what I want is someone to take my life into their hands... to tell me what to do - when to get up in the mornings and where to go, who to talk to and what to say, when to shut up and possibly even what to think. That would be neat. It would be outright fabulous.
Gah. Life is being made too simple for me. Give me an opportunity to be a lazy cunt and I will grasp it. Make things easy for me and you will regret it. I was scared of Jeff and I forced myself to do things. Then he became non-scary and I stopped.
I used to be scared of my parents so did stuff to avoid being shouted at. Then I was scared of disappointing my mum so I would attempt to achieve something at least to avoid making her even sadder. Now she's pretty much accepted I won't be going anywhere remarkable so... here I am.
I don't even have an excuse. I know even in my moments of utter despondency that I am capable of so much more than this. I know from experience (and through some innate self-belief) that I can do stuff. Well, I could if I wanted.
Ironically I started this entry staring at the house opposite my flat and marvelling at the remarkably bright reflection of the sun and the pretty contrast with the intense blue sky. I was going to write about how things like that kept me going. Which they do. But how? Who's going to pay for it and who's going to justify it?
Oh well. I have an interview on Friday. Heh.
So yesterday in the context of something else Michelle asked me this:
I've wanted to ask you anyway what you were like as a child and how you felt.
I started replying (in German) and it went on and on and on and I thought "heck, why not turn this into an entry" so here it is...
Wow, well would you believe it, today turned out to be a pretty eventful day after all.
Continue reading "I don't all live in the past"
of not-doing-what-I'm-meant-to-do (which is writing a press release).
I tell myself I have good reason to not do what I should do. The main reasons being "I don't want this job" and, more generally "I don't want a job". At least not now. Not yet. I'd rather do nothing, or the useless shit I am doing at the moment, which really at the end of the day is the same as "nothing".
I shall, for my estimated readers (that's you!), recount my day. Because it will - oh you know, give me another reason to not do what I should be doing, which is writing a press release. Or news release, as they call it these days. I really don't much care about the press/news release tho, nor about the site, or the job. Which is why I am here typing long-winded sentences into this window. So listen up.
My day
I woke up around 5, yes I did. I attempted to go back to sleep. I gave up. I spent about an hour in my fantasy world, then got bored. Isn't it interesting that although I have trouble remembering faces, and landscapes, and visual things generally, I have in my mind the detailed layout of a complete half-way house mental health type institution, to which I regularly withdraw? I could draw a floor plan and all. And we have a cleaning rota too! The residents change though. Well except me of course. I'm always there. Otherwise what would be the point, since it's my fantasy world.
So anyway, around 6am I gave up and went online. There was quite a lot to read. I found a Lo too, but she left after a while. Also squiZZ texted on his way to work, so I pitied him for not being in bed the way I was. Then at some point Tom called and convinced me I had to get up and watch... some chat show. But this was boring, so I watched Under The Hammer instead.
At some point I also launched Word. To write the release. And I opened an IE window on the relevant site. To do the necessary research. From this point onwards I can pretty much trace my day through my IE's history. I did some (more or less arguably) overdue things. I signed up for an Oyster card for instance. Because this was more fun to do than writing a release, and because during my procrastination I had come across some old entry where I'd complained about long queues at ticket machines. And cuz squiZZ had been bugging me about getting one, and whatever he tells me I do (after the obligatory initial reluctance). And also cuz swiping is so much cooler. And of course because signing up for Oyster is much more fun than writing a release. But I've already said that.
And then I also finally registered an account for B3ta (after years of lurking) because Tuesday is newbie day, and today is Tuesday. But turns out I'll have to wait until next Tuesday 10am to post (by which time I will probably have lost interest again of course). I read their FAQ anyway, even tho I had doubtlessly read it before. But this was more interesting than... you get the drift.
All the while I indulged in the usual timewasters of course - reading & posting on Metafilter (this thread is incredibly funny, and this thread contains the fabulous sentence "ClarissaWAM has a point", which of course pleases me), reading BoingBoing, SpOn and BBC (this article made me laugh), chatting to people (Charlie and I are going to kill everyone so watch out), talking to people on the phone (Tom and I are going to... nevermind, you will see). Oh and my modified robots.txt is starting to take effect. Oh and here are some more fun links I found yesterday: freaky phobia people on YouTube (fake or not, who cares?) and Japanese OMG big meteor we're all gonna die! simulation.
And then there's my "new" vice television (it's evil I tell you! evil!). Especially football. Tho it was boring and predictable. Brazil-Ghana I mean. France-Spain at the moment is slightly more interesting. Most interesting however was this show about Kandinsky that I watched earlier. Found out there's a Kandinsky exhibition at the Tate Modern, which I must absolutely go and see, so that shall be combined with my, um, forthcoming visit to London. I'm meant to have an interview with the ad agency Thursday or Friday... but they haven't got back to me yet so who knows.
Ooooh 2:1 for France!!!! WOOO!!! 
Omg I actually shed a tear, how pathetic. But I do love the French, just for that unbelievably amazing experience I had in Paris in 1998 when they won the World Cup. 
Anyway. It transpired earlier that a load of people think I'm a stalker (of squiZZ, who else), and that those who won't say it outright are finding it difficult to refute when confronted with the suggestion. Or, well, I have stalker-like qualities/behaviour and the only reason I can't actually be called a stalker is because squiZZ consents to being stalked.
I know it's ridiculous and I shouldn't let it bother me as long as he doesn't mind, but it made me incredibly paranoid and self-conscious for a while, to the point where I considered taking a biiiig step back, and not staying with him if/when I go to the interview, and just going for a day next week to see Tom (but then am I maybe stalking him too?). But I've calmed down somewhat by now so I think I'll be ok.
Well this brings us up to
OMG!!!!!!!! 3:1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I shouted, and guess what? I'M NOT FUCKING ASHAMED!!!!)
WOOOOO!!!! ALLEZ LES BLEUS!!!!!! (yeah so I meant to say this brings us up to the present. hehe. Wooo! allons enfants de la patriiieeuuh! I'm off to call people and sing the Marseillaise to them now)
Juz' sayin'.
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