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Clarissa 29 Brighton UK. Atheist asexual cynic. Loves green. Hates kids.
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Mon, Aug 15 2005 @ 23:46   //   Category: Life & Me   //   4 comments


So I've been reading old entries again for various reasons.
Boredom, nostalgia, self-analysis, whatnot else.

I delved into those 6 months of my life where I was able to do what I would love to do every single day - that is, nothing at all, with enough money to finance it. Which was fun, weird, boring, depressing and all sorts of things. But I seem to have been somewhat more productive in my boredom back then (the videos in that entry are actually quite fun - especially amusing is the statement "still bored" at the beginning of almost every single one of them lol)

Yes and then I was also reading entries from last April / May... when it appears *cough* I had a rather bad phase... for a change ... like here for instance, or here, or here. And I can confidently say that I don't feel like that now. I have odd phases, bad phases (mainly hateful / raging phases), but nothing even close to that despondency. Which is good. :-)

Enough about the past. When I got back from the beach this evening I was cornered by a guy who wants me to protest to the council about the Sidewinder's (local pub) application to extend its license. I came across the Sidewinder on my nostalgia trip too. *lol* I don't really care about the noise since I have my earplugs. I will be way too lazy to actually write a complaint anyway. Maybe I would if they wrote themselves. Which is kinda pitiful by itself. Complaining about noise in your neighbourhood and stuff. *lol* So unlike me. :-?

Oh yes, and did I tell you about the lump on my thumb? I have probably told almost every single one of you individually by now, but just in case someone had missed it...
On Thursday I first discovered a little lump at the base of my thumb. At that point it was about the size of a pinhead. I made a fuss and whinged loads to Ann-Louise about how I was gonna die. *lol* On Friday it had grown a bit. I commented on how it impeded my typing.
On Saturday it had grown even bigger and by now part of my hand was really quite swollen. I like my hands, I hate them looking deformed. Sunday... further increase in size. By Monday it was the size of a small cherry, hand was swollen, typing was uncomfortable.
Mum reckons it may be a cyst (tho that would be one hell of a fast-growing cyst) - anyway tomorrow I have appointment with GP to have a look at it, hooray.
So now you know about my lump.

Oh yeah, the title is about my Angel Person (of course). Re-reading those old, very old entries, back from when I would not have dreamed of ever being anything else to her than a passing curiosity, I was struck again by how amazing it is to have her in my life now. To know that I matter to her.
Tho I still have moments where I doubt that she loves me, where I'm afraid she has grown tired of me and my countless annoying habits & neuroses, (and I will probably always have those moments)... despite those periods, most of the time I know (and even believe) that she loves me. That's scary, but above all very wonderful.

People say...

is always weird reading old stuff like this because things...people...change. and @ new years eve thing in 2003/2004, it feels like it was YEARS ago!!

@ green sock
You should get productive again and make more video entries!

@ lump too. sorry IS interesting though. do keep us updated

aaaand, she does indeed

Posted by: JarJar on Tue August 16, 2005 at 12:47

yeah I almost did record a video the other day (well at least I considered it) but then realised I don't have the necessary software installed on either of my PCs yet and was too lazy to remedy that.

I will be sure to let you know asap what the GP said about my lump.

Posted by: Clarissa on Tue August 16, 2005 at 14:33

Scary @ lump. I had a lump on the top of my wrist (which got bigger if I bent my wrist) and was horrible. The GP said it was a ganglion, and nowt could be done about it. It went away itself after about a year.

Posted by: Woods on Sat August 20, 2005 at 21:59


Posted by: Clarissa on Sun August 21, 2005 at 11:31