Plaster Disaster

So after posting this comment I got kinda carried away and ended up really writing a “Plaster Disaster” song. The title would probably better fit some punkish / rocky tune but I was lazy and just went through my iTunes until I found a song with the right amount of syllables in the title, so this is…

Plaster Disaster
(to the tune of Walking in Memphis by Marc Cohn)

Put on my old stained shoes
And I set out to paint
Took down the heater that’s not in use
And inspected the wall quite stained
Had to get the screws out — they were easy to unwind
Then I yelled a loud ass “fuck it”
– there was nothing at all behind!

Chorus:
It was the Plaster Disaster!!!!
Nothing but roof shingles behind my wall
Plaster Disaster
I won’t save any energy at all

We poked around the screw holes
With our sticks and our fingers too
Hoping to find any insulation
But we watched them go right through
Cuz obscurely they did not pierce things
They just found a hollow space
Now there’s a pretty heavy wind
Blowing straight back in
Creating an ice cold place.

(Chorus)

We’ve got paper as a table
We’ve got paint smell in the air
And know what I mean, you have to see this
This just isn’t wear and tear
This is an energy disaster

Now Katja says “that’s awful!”
She’s apalled by the whole idea
And I get her indignation
But I somehow don’t quite fear
All the consequences
Quite enough to take a fright
And she said
“Tell me won’t you be freezing soon?”
And I said “Ma’am I am tonight!!”

(Chorus)

Put on my old stained shoes…