Been over a week!

Posted on August 8th, 2010 @ 16:23 in Uncategorized

Righty-ho, today I will try to write a slightly longer entry. I will do this with the help of the DarkRoom app, stream of consciousness rambling, and Lady Gaga.

The sun is shining and I should be outside. I did mean to go outside, it was high on my list of priorities when I went to bed last night. This morning it didn’t look so tempting. I don’t know what it is about outside that puts me off though. I mean, I could go for a bike ride and wouldn’t even have to interact with anyone and stuff. Still doesn’t tempt me.

So I shouldn’t force myself, right? Instead I did a very emo photo session, the results of which you can see | over | on | Flickr. I actually had the idea yesterday cuz I felt shit and wanted to, um, express that artistically. But then I’d taken a sleeping pill already and it was too late. Well, turned out the drugs didn’t work so I could’ve done it anyway, but I didn’t know that at the time did I. (no preaching, will you)

Anyway, so I did it today instead. Ironically (I know I know, it’s not really ironic at all), I wasn’t feeling quite so down anymore today, so I had to revert to some heavy artillery to get myself to cry. And then – get this – the crying did nothing at all! The damn make up was waterproof! (Obviously, that’s usually a good thing.) Sooo my pretty tear-streaked make up is all fake, and you can kind of tell. It’s tempting to go to work like this one day. I wonder what people would say. I could always say I’m doing it for charity. For a suicide helpline or something like that. But I suspect they’d still ask me to remove it.

I really really really need to call my nan today. The main reason being that my mum comes home from Russia today and will ask, and berate me if I haven’t. It was easier when my nan and my mum weren’t speaking. Cuz then my mum was like “I don’t blame you for not wanting to speak to her”. And now she can? Just cuz after my father died my nan went “are you still mad at me? I don’t have anyone left now.” Well yeah, cuz you antagonised everyone when the loser was still your only priority.

I’m being mildly unfair, since I’d sort of forgiven her last October. Well, not forgiven, just decided to get over it cuz she was a lonely old woman. Still hate calling her though, which is mainly an emotional thing. As in, I can’t deal with emotions. I’m good at crying over films and music though!

You know what else is good about my father dying? Well, actually I haven’t listed anything that is good yet, but trust me, there are a lot of good things about it. One being that I don’t have to worry about him spying on me online anymore. So there will be fewer protected entries! I’m only hiding from work people now. *lol*

Ok, I’m going to walk down to St James’s Street now and see what the party people are up to, and hopefully take a few pics. Back laterrrr…

Aaand I’m back. Pics on Flickr. I remembered to pop into Superdrug for some eyeshadow application thingos. What’s their official name? Oh, applicators. Obviously. D’uh. I think that’s it for me from Pride. At least I can say I’ve… been. Sort of.

I think I’m gonna go back to bed with my book now. And then I’m gonna call my nan! :-S

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