I wake up…

…. well, maybe. I have been very reclusive (as some of you will know I’m sure). Various reasons for that…
1. had that blasted site to work on
2. Harry Potter
3. still feeling shit / mainly sleeping.

But I didn’t realise how bad it had gotten until I found out today I hadn’t read Sara’s diary in almost a week! She’s like one of my must-reads (lovely pics from Wildwood btw – very cute Sara 🙂 ), yet I hadn’t been since last Friday!

So I’ve been trying to catch up on blogs and sites and stuff. Yes this means I am almost done with the site. Thank fuck, cuz I’ve really had enough. Never touching web design again. *lol* I really really hated the way nothing worked the way I wanted, and also having stuff to do when I got home every day. Jeff also wants me to do the next Contact again (translate ATDI‘s newsletter that is) and I really don’t wanna. Maybe Katja will do it. But at the moment I’m really not up for more work – it was loads last time, even tho then I’d already done quite a few of the articles for releases. And I don’t need the money that desperately. I just want some peace. 😐 Tho this wouldn’t be til Sept, but still.

Well we’ll see. I have until 6th August to decide. I also have until the 9th to decide if I wanna apply for a permanent position in our team. It’s kinda embarrassing… Sylvie (manager) got approval for another permanent employee, and there’s 3 temps in our team now (Antje, Silke and myself), and none of us wants the position. (for various reasons, mainly lack of flexibility in my case) I do wanna become permanent eventually, but just…not right now. But of course I could just keep saying that. Well, I’ll have to think it over.

So as I said earlier I have been sleeping loads. Loads. I spend up to 12hrs a night in bed, tho I don’t actually sleep all the time (I wake up often during the night). I also like to lie and… daynightdream. The weird thing is that I actually have a lot of weird dreams and even nightmares, yet it seems preferable to real life at the moment. And usually I just lose all energy at some point in the evening and just get all horrible and snappy. This point seems to come earlier each day. Nowadays I go to bed at 20:00. I need to find some way to reverse that tendency.

I’ve been increasingly Charlie-sad again as well. Maybe now that I can’t channel my negative energies towards the Jeff-site the Charlie thing creeps back up. *sigh* I’m really tired of still getting sad and frustrated and angry over this, but I just can’t switch it off (yet). Ugh.

Other things that have been going wrong:
– the RAM I ordered for my desktop doesn’t fit. (grrr)
– Simon Amstell is sold out the weekend I’m in Scotland. (wah)
– that’s it but that’s bad enough.

And now I’m tired again and it’s only 18.30! 😐