Foodstuffs

I am making non-pizza dinner for the first time in.. probably months. It’s only some chicken and smiley faces out of the oven, and some veg out of the microwave, but it’s a vast improvement on what I’ve subsisted on in the recent past, which has been chocolate with the occasional pizza thrown in. I’m not exaggerating, I’ve been eating chocolate for lunch and dinner. I realise this is Very Bad, and my skin isn’t thanking me for it. Can’t even say I plan to change this, cuz generally I just can’t be bothered.

That is all. My short Tumblr experiment has left me feeling I should update more often, even if it’s short and insubstantial. So there, deal with it.

LOSS

Johann Friedrich Händel – Sarabande from Harpsichord Suite in D Minor.

We played this at my dad’s funeral and I’ve just had to listen to it again to remind myself of that time, what it was like to just have lost him. He’s been dead over eight years now and I’ve just realised that not having him in my life has become more familiar than having him. Which has made me sad all over again.

I don’t want this to be normality. I still want him back. This is a different sadness than the acute stabbing pain of the first years. I know this life now, and I know I can cope without him, I have done it for long enough. But that other life, the one before, all those memories… as they become more remote, they also seem to make me sadder. He’s moving further and further away from me and I try to grab him, to hold on, but there’s nothing I can do. It’s just the way things go in this goddamned life. And it’s still not fair.

Dear diary

No more loud music cuz Rita-downstairs-neighbour is back, so I am currently listening to Unbreakable on headphones. And I’ve been meaning to write in here for a while now, and didn’t know what, and Alisdair said “write about what you’ve been up to” and at first I said that was boring, but now I’ve been reading old entries from 2004 and realised that if I don’t write about what I’ve been up to then I can’t look back on what I’ve been up to six years from now and that would be a shame, cuz it’s nice to dwell in the past. Unproductive, but nice. More »

I love eBay! And my archives

I was reading through my eBay feedback history the other day and it made me a bit sad that links/descriptions to purchases get deleted after a while cuz I would love to check what I spent my money on five or ten years ago. Then I remembered my trusty email archives and got lucky – a search for “eBay” revealed quite a few emails! Only for items where I communicated with the seller, but still brought back some memories… More »

Paris report 18353 (actually 23)

O hai! So I’ve been to Paris yet again and must of course record it here. Pics on Flickr. Feel free to ignore what follows. 😀 More »