Thursday April 1, 2004

Love and Honesty

Category: Randomness | 13 Comments | Posted 20:04

:: Love :: So two days ago I sort of decided that every day I would tell one of my friends that I love them. And I found out that there aren't really that many people I would tell that. I have told two so far... maybe I have another dozen people or so that I would tell this. And there are all sorts of reasons for this. Some people are very important to me, but I'd never tell them I love them, simply because we don't do that sort of thing. It would be weird. And with some of the people I do tell there is no logical reason why as I don't really know them that well. :-? Maybe it's just because there are different ways of doing things. Human emotions are a strange thing.

:: Honesty :: Been thinking about this whole honesty issue again recently, first in relation to this blog, and then just generally in relation to my friends. I'm not completely honest on here for obvious reasons (well I don't lie, but let's say I don't tell everything)... sometimes I'd like to be but I realise this is not possible. I have been a lot more than I used to be tho, at the risk of making myself very vulnerable or even making myself look ridiculous. (I don't regret this.)
I am also not completely honest to my friends... for various reasons. In fact I have different reasons for each and every one of them. I dunno, is it playing games? Or insecurity? Some people I'd trust with the most embarrassingly personal things (tho I really should be careful, having been screwed over before), but there are other things I could never tell them - things that I'm scared would change or complicate our friendship or something. I don't like complicated. Maybe it's wrong to be dishonest. I do believe some things are better left unsaid tho.


some things are better left unsaid, it's very true. The thing I find hard is, how to sort out what to say and not to say, lol. It's complicated. I have said things to my friends that I have regretted. Not that it hurted them or anything, but it wasn't any point in me telling them the stuff I told.
And beeing completly honest in a blog like this, I wouldn't dare to be that. Thats too difficult. And uhm, you never know who's really reading it. To offend someone here it's easier, I think. Im trying to be smart and all hehe, but sometimes it's even difficult to be honest to ourselfes
and sometimes we need people to tell us stuff we never dared to admit. Thats NO fun!!
Hookay, im off topic....sowwy. Intresting topic by the way, or maybe I just wanted to blablablah something

Posted by: tris at Thu April 1, 2004 21:01

Ja interesting topic. Hm must think about this before I comment. Well I already did, but ja.

Posted by: Jar Jar at Thu April 1, 2004 21:49

I think about this a whole lot, and I know exactly what you mean and what it feels like not daring to be completely honest, both here and in more private settings. It's not like we're lying, but rather that we avoid bringing it up. There are things I would die before telling anyone about, some of which most people most likely already know though. I have no solution or explaination, but would just like to share my experience. This is the reason why when I write I like to cover things up, wrap things in so they only make sense to myself, or those that know be best. That's my way of being honest online, cause if I were to write everything directly... well that's just a very foreign thought to me at this point in my life. It's kind of the same when I talk in real life. If someone asks me anything, I usually have to think a lot before coming up with an answer, not necesarily because I have no imagination, but rather because everything I say need to pass through this honesty-filter in my head that decides if this and that can be said or if it is too personal for me to say to the person I talk to. It's a very complex process which usually leads to the person having left about 30 minutes ago, when I have the a satisfying answer to their question. So usually I go with the not so satisfying "safe" answers that have alrady been through this filter before. So... probably not what you were talking about, but urm... ja, this concludes my very first blog-comment. Did I pass?

Posted by: d at Thu April 1, 2004 22:59

You did!
And I fully understand of course.

Posted by: Clarissa at Thu April 1, 2004 23:03

hey! where's my message?!

Posted by: Jar Jar at Thu April 1, 2004 23:11

gone. *sigh* and was long.

Posted by: Jar Jar at Thu April 1, 2004 23:11

Posted by: Clarissa at Thu April 1, 2004 23:13

Posted by: d at Thu April 1, 2004 23:19

Ok will try again. Was kind of off topic the first time, so will be kind of off topic this time too. But it kind of has something to do with what you're talking about too. Sort of. So I was saying... that I er..what WAS I saying?
um... when i write something or offline... I almost always write in English because it's so much easier. Not because my English is better than my Norwegian obviously, but because it creates a distance somehow. It doesn't feel so personal, it doesn't feel so much like it's coming from me. Even if I write the exact same thing in Norwegian and English, the Nowegian version will always sound much more personal. Made any sense?

Posted by: Jar Jar at Thu April 1, 2004 23:21

And very not off topic lol : Ja there are things I don't tell anyone too.

Posted by: Jar Jar at Thu April 1, 2004 23:23

Ja makes sense.

Posted by: Clarissa at Thu April 1, 2004 23:28

Makes sense mon. I once told someone it's easier to be honest in english because it's a less honest language, which confused this someone a lot of course. I have a theory that the reason english feels less honest to me is because my understanding of the language is not as "complete" as my understanding for norwegian - cause I grew up with it obviously. For instance, when I hear someone speak norwegian with gramatical errors, I cringe, but when the same happens in english, it doesn't bother me that much usually. So this distance you speak of, for me at least, I think has something to do with this. Or the fact that english is cool and norwegian is lame, and basically a very honest and personal language.

Posted by: d at Thu April 1, 2004 23:41

oooooohhhhh MON, I love you for finally putting my exact same thoughts I have had for the last coupple of years.
I wrote alot in enlish before as well, my private things, cuz I found it hard, and almost too scary and real to write in my motherlanguage. I have a diary where I sometimes write when Im feeling something, good or bad. It's in Norwegian. And I don't think I have been anymore "honest" and "true" to myself writing in that diary. I understand you completly mon, I do. Im not so good in english,obviously, but I do my best, but it can become a distance to me somehow. After I started as a journalist student I discovered how great the norwegian language really is (compared to my lousy english, lol) As a teenager I thought it was easier to write stuff in english, personal stuff, cuz I felt it was easier to express myself. What I didn't get, but do now appereantly, is that it was the other way around.
So discovering that I actually could write in my motherlanguage and feeling closeness with it was great.

I also must add, that I envy, sometimes I do, your english speaking people. I love THIS language alot.

Posted by: tris at Thu April 1, 2004 23:42