Wednesday March 17, 2004

The private made public

Category: The Web | 5 Comments | Posted 14:59

That's what this whole online community does to people. It's all there for everyone to read and become involved - things that shouldn't be for anyone to read but those it concerns directly. People that don't know half of what went on butt in, give their opinion, defile one side and applaud the other (and yes I'm talking about my friends just as much as his here). It's all about taking sides. Everyone feels they have to side with someone and whoever doesn't earns suspicious looks from both sides because after all, how dare they talk to those people still after what they did. I've been through this before, it's always the same, stupidly alienating people who never had a serious problem with each other.

Yes yes I'm aware this happens in "real life" feuds too. But online makes it all oh so much more complicated - so much more fake too. It's all about show, isn't it - there's not much honesty left. The honest bits go on behind the scenes, if at all, but the public nature of the debate on blogs makes all of that impossible. A theoretically (or ideally) private discord develops its own dynamics, innumerable factors come into play and influence it and, well, make people say and do things differently than they would in private, or things are said in the heat of the moment, and then people can't go back on what they said and did cuz they would look like fools, and they have to live up to expectations, and they have other people putting pressure on them and bla and ugh and it all seems oh so familiar and why do I even bother.

I wasn't aware of any outright hostility between Miss Streetwalker and myself (unlike of course me and some other people) - ok we were never best buddies but now we are scratching each other's eyes out for no other reason than she's on that side and I'm on this side, and everything that's being said is being evaluated in light of this issue of which neither of us has the full picture. The whole online culture of flaming and proving your point and not giving in and whatever creates such a hostile and aggressive atmosphere... how could objectivity ever stand a chance?

So why do I even bother? My first reaction after thinking this over was to close my diary for a while until all of this had calmed down, but fact is my diary isn't all about Ally and my readers aren't all involved in this (tho many are, unfortunately), so that would be overreacting and there would be no real point. So I guess the "right thing" for me to do is to truly cut all ties, stop reading his journal to avoid getting worked up by "the other side" and stop writing about it to prevent uninvolved (but biased) people from commenting and getting me upset and consequently influencing my opinion of him (and since according to what I've just said I cannot be honest in what I say anyway there is no reason for me to write about it.)

I have a strange habit of finding explanations and excuses for people's behaviour, of feeling compassion instead of hate (or changing my mind after hating them for a short while), of trying to give them another chance and finding a middle way, a solution, of starting anew. It's gotten me into trouble numerous times before, setting myself up for so much more abuse and eventually renewed hurt & heartbreak...

... this is obviously my problem and I have to work on it and get over it. But it doesn't really have anything to do with the subject of this entry. Which was.. what? Ah yes, the private made public. I'll be the last person to demonize the whole online thing, but, well, yeah. This sucks.

Why are people oh so complicated? :-? I think I want to be a wolf...


Very true.

ANd why isn't anyone commenting on THIS? Should.

Posted by: Jar Jar at Wed March 17, 2004 20:59

No one likes me.

Or maybe they're scared & they don't wanna give their opinion on sth that doesn't concern them directly.

Posted by: Clarissa at Wed March 17, 2004 21:07

I'm not involved in any of this (thank God!) and I dont even uderstand half of it, so Im staying out of it, cause it wouldnt be right of me to comment on something I dont know anything about. But I want to hug you at least. Cause youre cute and smart and my friend. Hm... Yeah. That's all. *crawling back to my hole*

Posted by: Vega at Wed March 17, 2004 22:50

Aaawww cute Vega!

Posted by: Clarissa at Wed March 17, 2004 23:12

For me the only reason that I first started using the internet was because I liked Michael Jackson and I wanted to find people that did too. Stuff happens I guess and it turned out that I met people who are wonderful and our friendship doesn't really have anything to do with MJ......I don't like all this drama.

I'll try to be objective on both sides. I'm not a psychologist, but it's pretty clear Ally is very depressed. He talks about how unhappy he is, suicide, not living for more than a few more years. I've been very depressed before. You're not very rational and don't do the right thing when you are this way. You're sick. And you want to shut people out and don't want to deal with anyone but yourself really. At least that's the way I felt at the time. Also, I remember that people tried to help me and I didn't want that. That made me less likely to seek help. When I wanted to help myself that's when I got better.

On the other side....The way he handled this situation was very poor. Even when very depressed, I would never treat another person that poorly. I think what he did was very mean and thoughtless. Not thinking about how he would hurt his friends. You can't just wash your hands clean and decide you aren't going to be friends anymore. I think it's too difficult to be friends with him right now. He's hurt everyone badly and if you decide to forgive him, which I wouldn't be willing to do right now, you never know when it is going to happen again.

I don't think there is a middle here. You can feel sad that he is upset and feels bad. It is sad. He made his decision. I feel very pissed off and angry at him, but I want him to get better and if he does and convinces us that he wouldn't do such a thing EVER again then maybe we can all be friends again. We don't have to think about that right now.

I don't want to be wolf. In a future life maybe! If that's what happens. Being a human can be very nice and I just want to have a fun and happy time, try my best to do good things, and make the people close to me happy. That's it.....When we are wolves we will have other things to worry about! Like the big grizzly bear coming to eat us!

Posted by: Jimmy at Thu March 18, 2004 2:37