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Clarissa 29 Brighton UK. Atheist asexual cynic. Loves green. Hates kids.
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Mon, Aug 07 2006 @ 04:47   //   Category: Life & Me   //   8 comments

I'm still running!!!! =))

I'm also still awake. Which is very wrong considering I have a bus to catch in... 5hrs. (yawn. sigh. lol.) But I am oh so excited!!!!! Not because I am still running... that's sorta scary. Not least because I have no idea what to do with the eggs and the yoghurts that go off in 3 days. (kidding)

This time I am running to Norway (cf previous entry) to see my Mon Angel Person. As recently as 3 days ago I was absolutely convinced I would never see my Angel Person (or Norway) again... how quickly (yet predictably?) things can change. I have not seen Mon since Sept last year. That's a long time. Her hair has grown a lot since, and other things have happened too. Repeatedly. But yet again we have found our way back together, against all odds. :-) And I am very very happy.

Also I am seeing Jimmy again. I have not seen Jimmy since July 24th. :| S'about time again!!!! :)) Seriously tho, I am so excited about seeing him again - just spent 105mins on the phone to him too (shut it) and he's very wonderful & has been so fucking cute ... and also I am amazed/incredulous (and I'm not the only one) that he got the time off work, and that he went through with this, and that he's coming to Europe, and yeah. :D

I don't really want to spend any time on negative thoughts right now but I'll just try to summarize them in a very... factual way. *lol*

1. I am running away again... ok this is obvious to anyone reading this lol. But I am leaving stuff behind again (and I don't just mean eggs). My mum doesn't know about this and must never know but I have not yet decided what to tell her. I have obviously not done anything more about jobs.

2. I have learnt something very very very sad today. I hope, so hope it will be fixed, tho I guess it is/was sort of... inevitable, but I still think/hope it can be undone. :|

3. Charlie - remember him? - has managed to disappoint me yet again. I should not be surprised, or blame anyone but myself for expecting the impossible. Even while I was in the States I saw this coming, exactly this, and told myself I'd do my best to deal with it.
But I didn't know if I could. And I told him about my fears one night, and he assured me it would be fine and he wouldn't do this, and I'm not saying I believed him but I tried to, I really wanted to.
But he lied. Again. So if that was a lie then probably everything else was too. Everything I struggled so hard to believe in. And I don't hate him, I'm just very sad. :-(
Then again maybe he actually has died / had a horrible accident and the one time I'm not worried about him I'm doing him injustice. Heh. :|

End sad things. I have decided after speaking to Mon and Michelle and L.J. and Jimmy that once I get back from running away (whenever that is) I'm going to look into going on anti-depressants. Yeah maybe it makes you numb and indifferent but I don't give a fuck about the highs anymore, the lows are just too unbearable. And I need to be able to get up in the mornings and face reality.

But first I am running away again. :D :D :D
Angel Person. :x :x :x
Jimmy. :x :x :x
4hrs til bus! Too long if you ask me. :| (and OMG I still can't believe Jimmy is actually coming!!!! It's so fucking exciting and weird and strange and exciting!!!)
I should check my luggage again... and stuff.

I'll leave comments open on this since I will be gone for a while etc. Be nice tho and no homicidal thoughts please. :|

PS my packing is becoming like "if I don't see it lying around I won't need it on my trip." Also ugh I can't believe it's light out again and I haven't slept. :|

PPS 8.40am Aaaargh I am so tired!!!!! 2hrs sleep = not enough. BUT GONE SOON!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

People say...

No comments at all!?
Pffft I am disappointed.
You all hate me

Posted by: Clarissa on Fri August 11, 2006 at 13:05

Pfff, I thought I'd rather not comment, because you closed your last entry's comments again, and last time people commented you closed all comments in every entry.

But I think the anti-depressants thing is pretty good. Just remember you won't lose anything. If you hate it you can always go back to whinging.

Posted by: stagiaire on Fri August 11, 2006 at 15:01

LOL yes but I wasn't around to close comments this time... well not often anyway.

@ going back to whingeing, yeah that IS what I do best after all!

Posted by: Clarissa on Fri August 11, 2006 at 15:58

You must understand, my friend, that life is very very unpredictable.

How many times were you asked to stay away from the windows at an airport in the Midwest, Minneapolis to be exact.?


Posted by: Kal on Sat August 12, 2006 at 7:45

Hey, just checking... couldn't remember when you wll be back. Let me know...

Posted by: Val on Sat August 12, 2006 at 11:27

Hello there!

Your site is really interesting. I invite you to visit my blog, I hope that you like it.



Posted by: Hugo Denis on Sun August 13, 2006 at 15:05

When you're back home, please update. I want to know about the hassle you went through to get back to Brighton.

Posted by: stagiaire on Sun August 13, 2006 at 18:45

Have emailed you about the hassle

Posted by: Clarissa on Mon August 14, 2006 at 9:16