So I'm reading this thread on AskMe. It's about a guy who said sth to his girlfriend about "hey maybe we won't be together forever" and she (obviously) took it wrong.
An interesting discussion ensues, showing that most, but not all, people want to indeed believe that each relationship is forever. One guy puts it well:
What fun is it to be in a relationship when you're actually thinking that it's likely to end? If you actually love her now -- assuming you actually know what that means -- why waste any thought on the possibility that you'll change or grow tired of each other in the future? Deal with those things if and when they happen, don't sabotage the relationship while it's good.This makes sense to me (in that, I can understand this would be a motivation - of course I personally cannot not think like this). Aand it's made me wonder if "cynicism in interhuman relationships" and "inability to believe in God" are not in fact quite similar in this respect. A majority of people go for the fluffy options. And I go for the negative.
Ok this really wasn't a new or groundbreaking revelation uh? 
Interesting thread anyway. 
I also like this: a relationship is an unspoken contract to participate in a mutual fantasyI heart AskMe.
When I hear people talk like that it always reminds me of MJ singing in "Why?"
Why do people fall in love, when they're always thinking of an end?I agree very much with this. That's why I'd probably break up with a guy who talks like that, because why waste my time with a person that practises a necessarily "self-fulfilling prophecy" anyway, because obviously he doesn't trust in himself and his partner. Which reminds me of "Alf" again, too:
Die Menschen helfen sich doch nur gegenseitig, weil sie sonst stecken bleiben würden.Truth is that people are just afraid of being alone and lonely, and that's not about togetherness, but about selfishness.
So conclusion may be - yes, the way you do it probably is at least an honest way. Though people just sometimes worry about you feeling lonely, too. But that's probably just because they know how lonely they would feel, because they depend on others a lot. But question is, don't you also depend on others when - even though you take an honest option - you're still feeling bad sometimes. Or is it just about yourself when you feel bad? I assume it's about how you feel for others, too.
Posted by: Michelle on Sat March 11, 2006 at 14:26Or is it just about yourself when you feel bad? I assume it's about how you feel for others, too.
No it is about others too but I'm not sure how/why that would be relevant to the cynicism.
For me I think it's mainly away of avoiding hurt/disapppointment. And you too admit that people have ulterior motives for going into a relationship, but you don't want to hear it from the person you're with. To me that doesn't entirely make sense... since you know it anyway, why punish the other person for knowing & admitting it too? 
Well, I've given up on jumping from one relationship into another. I've been single for quite a few years now. It's not because I don't believe in relationships, but I want it to be something real when I start a new relationship. I'm the type who breaks up very soon even before a relationship starts if I believe that it's not gonna work out. That way I think, the way I look at relationships does make sense - I'm not judging those people for being wrecks, I just don't want to live with them then. But I'm looking after all. And I do believe that it can work out if both believe in it and want it to work out. But often it's a waste of time even just to get to know each other looking for a relationship. It's appalling to me as soon as I smell how much they don't trust anybody and anything. But the day I feel that there's a person who can trust and whom I trust, it's probably gonna work out.
What I wanted to say when I said you are not just sad about yourself is that - truth is, you depend on others just like others do. You just solve it by not trying relationships at all, while others try to solve their issues by finding Mss or Mr "Right". A relationship can be nice for a while at least, while always being alone can be depressing, if you don't know how to deal with it. But I understand that you're trying to avoid disappointment. I try to avoid wasting my time. 
Err, to sum it up again once: I think at the end of the day we're all looking for the same thing, and there is not just one solution for the problem. But as long as we're not truly happy with our solution, it's not the true solution for oneself.
yeah so you sound very pragmatic - much like the guy on AskMe
you depend on others just like others do. You just solve it by not trying relationships at all, while others try to solve their issues by finding Mss or Mr "Right"
Agreed.
I'm not judging those people for being wrecks, I just don't want to live with them then
Do you consider the average person out there to be a wreck? I don't think this is the kind of normal thought people would have. They'd think something more moderate like "we're incompatible" or sth.
as long as we're not truly happy with our solution, it's not the true solution for oneself
Yeah I guess. That's very much what Sue said to me. How wise.
lol What this guy said is something like buying a coffin in case of your prospective death which sounds as bad as "I promise to love you forever".
Posted by: Lo on Mon March 13, 2006 at 6:37What this guy said is something like buying a coffin in case of your prospective death which sounds as bad as "I promise to love you forever".
But they're opposites
So what should one say?
replied on yahoo
"a relationship is an unspoken contract to participate in a mutual fantasy"
interesting point of view...
Posted by: Val on Fri March 17, 2006 at 17:25