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Clarissa 29 Brighton UK. Atheist asexual cynic. Loves green. Hates kids.
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A glimpse of the future
Fri, Jan 06 2006 @ 10:43   //   Category: Me about me   //   19 comments

My slutface wrote in her latest entry that she had made up her mind about what she wanted to do (with her life in the next few years and in general). I asked her about these plans and she explained them to me, and they were clear goals that she can concretely work towards, and I think I am jealous.

My future is a blur. The immediate future isn't obviously. I am going back to the UK and doing this course which will take me until May. But then? I'm just as undecided about my life as I was a year ago. That is definitely part of the excitement I guess, and I have said in the past that I can't imagine having my life all set out for me... but on the other hand, not having the foggiest idea where you're going isn't so great either. Complete lack of focus. What do I work towards? Will I just be drifting around forever?

So with a diploma in Creative Communications, what can I do? I can try to find a job in the marketing/PR/advertising sector. This is the plan of course. But what if I can't find anything in Brighton? Do I move to London? I hate London. Do I commute? Same problem.

So I wanna spend a year or two in New York. I really do. But will I have the energy to pursue this if I don't win the green card lottery (which I won't of course)? Do I waste one or two years of my life or so just trying to get a job & work permit? Do I even stand the remotest chance?

Then supposing I do manage, what do I do when I return? I will be in my early thirties (gasp!!!!!), with little serious experience in any useful job sector, a drifter who doesn't know where she belongs... who would want to employ me? And where do I settle? Do I return to Brighton? What about my wish to live in Paris again for a while? Or will I eventually end up back here in Luxembourg after all? (the age limit for becoming a teacher is 34 I believe... oooh no we won't even go there lol)

I don't an answer to any of these questions and it seems I really can only take my life a few months at a time. Most of the time I'm fine with that, too. This is my style, it works for me (for now), so why fuss about it? It's ok. Just sometimes I get jealous of people with goals and plans. Doesn't their life have much more meaning? Aren't they more fulfilled?

People say...

"the age limit for becoming a teacher is 34 I believe"

You have an age limit?!
And the limit is 34(!!!)?!

Posted by: JarJar on Fri January 6, 2006 at 11:44

Yes we do and I think it is, but I may be wrong, they may have changed it.
Why is that so surprising?

Posted by: Clarissa on Fri January 6, 2006 at 11:55

How is "you can't get a job as this or that after you're 35 NOT surprising?". The only place I know where it's more or less like that is for professional athletes. For teachers is should be a + to not be really young and unexperienced imo.

Posted by: JarJar on Fri January 6, 2006 at 13:33

But plans are only plans, none of them may ever come true. I haven't actually DONE any of them yet, and before I can do any of them I have to put up with more crappy jobs just to get the money behind me to do what I want.

You could always go to NY for three months and do volunteer work, as I (eventually) will do in CA. You could move anywhere, you have the languages behind you, you could go abs. anywhere in Europe, but obv. that's not really the issue.

I may know what I've always wanted to do, but I may never get there which terrifies me more than having no goals at all. Surely if you have no goals then you can never be disappointed?

I'm just terrified of getting to 90 and realising I completely sold out on all my dreams. If you don't HAVE those dreams then I guess you have nothing to worry about and nothing to justify to yourself.

Posted by: The BML on Fri January 6, 2006 at 16:55

@ Jar - but old people are crap at learning new things. There's an age limit on all government jobs here it appears. It IS higher than 34 tho but no one could tell me what it is.

@ BML - ja, that is true (about not being disappointed), but then your life is just... nothingness. I wish I had a passion, something to strive for.
Sure, you may not manage to get all you want, but you have something to work towards. And if you don't get it straight away you can keep trying.
Hm @ volunteer work for 3 months, yeah, that's a good idea actually.

Posted by: Clarissa on Fri January 6, 2006 at 17:11

Hmm, well I sorta get how you wish you knew what you wanted to do but I don't have any ambitions/careeer passion at all either.
I'm not sure whether thats good or bad-although the way people react when I tell them is looks of shock-but surely it only matters if you make your 'career' the main thing you wanna strive for in life. It isn't mine! I don't get if that doesn't sound right, it just isn't. Just enjoy living in the moment I say.

Posted by: Shaziak on Fri January 6, 2006 at 19:01

I meant to say 'I don't care' not I don't get' sorry.

Posted by: Shaziak on Fri January 6, 2006 at 19:02

"@ Jar - but old people are crap at learning new things."
Um no, they just need a bit more time.

And it sounds absolutely mad to me if no one could get any jobs after they turn 35. I don't think it makes sense for teachers, and I don't think it makes sense for other people. I dunno about there, but in this country lots of people get their education when AFTER they turn 30 or even 40 or 50. It would make sense that OLD people couldn't get certain jobs, but not 34 year olds!!

Posted by: JarJar on Fri January 6, 2006 at 19:45

Yeah I know @ Shazia, that makes sense. But I have nothing else either. And since you sorta need a job anyway to earn money, it would be kinda neat to... make that enjoyable.
But it could be anything else either. I'd be fine with, I dunno, wanting to live on a farm and rescue ponies or sth... anything.

Hm @ Jar, I think careers are just viewed differently here. Working for the gov't is a job for life so there's a limit so they don't start out really late or sth. Dunno.

Posted by: Clarissa on Sat January 7, 2006 at 0:07

I have a really loose plan for the next year, but after that... who knows? It's a scary thought, heading into careers and plans and whatnot...

I hope you figure it out :(

BY THE WAY, I know you're all skeptical about this trip of mine, but just to let you know? Tickets are being booked on Monday. I have dates. DATES! VICTORY IS MINE!!!

I love you.

Posted by: Proo on Sat January 7, 2006 at 2:18

I know how it feels. Whenever I tell people I'm at uni they say "what do you want to work as?" and I'm like 'Fucked if I know.'
I don't have a clue where I'm going with my degree - let alone my life. I have no ambition to become a successful so-and-so. Basically, all I know is that I want to see the world. Sadly, that involves money. So it's either marry a rich old guy who will die soon, win the lottery, or earn *shudder* my own money.

I agree with Shaz tho, I never want to make my career my life. It's just going to be something to fund the more exciting things I want to do (unless I get a job on one of those travel tv shows where they send you to cool places...)

Posted by: snow on Sat January 7, 2006 at 2:44


Woah @ mummy, I am in awe @ tickets! And very excited!!!!

Yeah I know @ Snow, I'm pretty much the same, but it'd be nice if at least I knew where I wanna be... earning the money to allow me to do exciting things.
But also, I dunno if I wanna do it in a shitty job all my life. Then I could've just stayed a teacher.

Bla. I should close these comments

Posted by: Clarissa on Sat January 7, 2006 at 8:30

Don't close! Fun!

Will you be around about the 24th of May? I'll be on my own in Paris, free to wander the countryside but probably down to my last ten dollars. I'd love to visit England, even have someone in London who might be able to put me up, but if anyone wants to offer me a home for a few days..

I'm trying to get myself together so I can book exact dates for my ticket. I estimate I can stay in England for about a week, maybe more, depending on what Possible Putter Upperer in London thinks. Then I'm to New York, to try and scab some more free accommodation!

*hugs* I miss you! Can we talk on Yahoo soon?

Posted by: Proo on Sat January 7, 2006 at 14:04

We can indeed

Posted by: Clarissa on Sat January 7, 2006 at 14:40

I wanna go to New York

Posted by: squiZZle on Sat January 7, 2006 at 14:48

me too

Posted by: Clarissa on Sat January 7, 2006 at 15:39

Me three!

Posted by: Mel on Sat January 7, 2006 at 19:07

I wanna talk to Proo on Yahoo!!!

PS. >>I should close these comments


Posted by: The BML on Sat January 7, 2006 at 19:30

Cuz discussing the issue was depressing.

Posted by: Clarissa on Sat January 7, 2006 at 20:18