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Clarissa 29 Brighton UK. Atheist asexual cynic. Loves green. Hates kids.
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Ok ok... MJ weekend, here it is!
Mon, Oct 10 2005 @ 22:48   //   Category: Michael Jackson   //   19 comments

I have returned from a weekend of madness because MICHAEL JACKSON IS IN TOWN!!!

[warning: this is one hell of a long entry!!! and probably incredibly boring to non-fans, muahaha. no pics btw cuz too lazy to transfer them]

It's been soooo long since I last did this - 3 years and 4 months to be approximately exact - and it was weird, so weird. Familiar, strange, exciting, infuriating, amazing, freezing, incredible... *lol* Aaaalll these things - not at the same time, but at different points in time.

Obviously y'all just wanna know if I've seen him, met him, slept with him... the answer is yes no no. So I'll give you the basic details first. We (the BML and I that is) got there Friday night, and we obviously missed him - he'd already gone to wherever. We were told he'd tried to come out & talk to fans but got mobbed & fled back inside & then left out the garage (I do realize a lot of my readers will know this stuff already - but others don't so shut up and read on).

BML did some research about where he'd gone to (recording studio, Chiswick), and then we made a big mistake (very typical) - we took ages deciding what to do. Do we go to Chiswick and risk missing him there again (and spend a fortune on cabs for nothing), or do we choose the safe option and wait for his return at the Dorchester... while deliberating this we went to the loo, we went to McDonalds, we hung about Marble Arch tube station... and eventually we made up our minds and got a cab to Chiswick.

Of course we got there 10mins after MJ had arrived, driven into the garage followed by countless fans, jumped onto the car roof surrounded by fans, grabbed by fans... smiling all the while and looking quite comfortable (the pics are all over the effing Internet if you're interested lol). And we'd missed it all. By 10 minutes. What a downer. So we were sat there moping while all around us there were people telling each other their amazing stories, showing each other pictures, or yapping on their mobiles to tell yet more people about the whole thing. Very uplifting. :|

Aanyway. It was said he'd be staying until around 3am; however shortly past 11 he left again - this time without much drama. We grabbed the next cab and headed back to the Dorchester (no no, there was no "follow this car!!" *lol* Most of the cabbies did ask why, the reactions were... varied, but mainly positive). There wasn't much more to do that night, we just basically chatted and hung about and... can't even remember what we did. And then at some point we decided to try and get some sleep, and it was freezing and hard and uncomfortable and loud so of course we slept little.

And we were cold, oh so cold. Even in the morning, when other people turned up again, and ran around in Tshirts and whatnot (there were only like half a dozen fans that had camped out that 1st night)... we were still cold, oh so cold. *lol* The exhaustion probably didn't help. And the wind. Much wind around the Dorchester. We'd found a cute little doorway that sorta protected us from the wind, but we got kicked out of that in the early hours of the morning, as befits a right bum MJ fan.

The morning was uneventful and boring, until rumours started in the early afternoon that he was going to leave soon. It's really hard to describe the kind of... atmosphere on Michael trips like that. Once something's going to happen, there is a sort of buzz in the air. It starts with little things... some people saying he's going to leave, tho you have no idea where they got it from - the doormen, MJ's people... and then security starts to tighten... the fans in general become more alert... start grouping themselves differently (according to what they think is the best strategic spot)... and at some point or other they inevitably start chanting. I still don't quite get the point of this (why would he hear it any more when he's getting ready to leave than when he's doing something else?) I guess it's just some way of relieving the tension.

Ok on with the report. He was going to Victoria Palace to see Billy Elliott (funny also how that sort of info gets around... and how some fans feel all self-important tho they have no merit at all.. but that is something I should leave for later). Ok now the Billy Elliott thing - woah. It really upset me - very much like the Paddington experience in June 2002. Basically what happened was this (at the theatre, waiting for him to arrive)... People were lining up either side of the entrance, but as soon as his van got there, there was complete pandemonium. There was no way of pulling people back even tho there was police there, so he ended up just driving off again (he had his kids with him).

I was convinced he would give up, however everyone (theatre security, police...) was trying to restore order so it appeared he hadn't. So a row of people lined up on each side, hooking their arms together to create a human barrier. And, as usual, everyone tried to calm everyone else down ("don't rush, don't push, if you don't you'll get to see more of him" etc). So the van drew up again. The first kids came out (Blanket and some other kid, child of I-have-forgotten-the-name)..., then Paris with the nanny... and everyone was very calm. That was such a great moment I actually started crying... first off because I had never really seen MJ's kids live before, and there they were right in front of me, at an arms length, and secondly because wow, it had worked, people weren't crushing them to death!

And then Prince came out and right behind him MJ - and the madness started. I mean, we really tried our best to hold people back, but the whole crowd just imploded into MJ - it's like he's a fucking magnet and they just CAN'T resist him! He went down on the ground - it was said later he was just shielding Prince, but no matter, it was bad enough - and they had to really fight to get him inside. It was just so... it's impossible to describe the feeling, I was so angry and disappointed.

Thing is, if I hadn't been one of those in the first row trying to restrain the rest, I probably would've pushed too - it's just something you cannot possibly avoid. It just needs ONE person to surge forward and the rest will follow. Of course - how could you resist? Why should that one person profit from breaking the rules and you stay behind because you try to respect MJ?

This is a HUGE issue which annoyed me no end back in June 2002 as well. We are told to be respectful, to stay back and then everyone will get a chance. We are told that mobbing MJ is bad, that we should keep our distance, and then it would be so much easier for everyone. But fact is, those who do break the rules get rewarded, because MJ can't resist them (can you imagine him telling a fan to fuck off?), because he does like the attention and because... I guess he can't say no? I'm not sure, but it's unfair and inconsistent, and he's harming himself and his children. But I guess he just... doesn't know any other way. And he does love it - you just have to see the pics from the recording studio garage. But I don't mean to blame him. I just hate the fans lol.

Hm, I was gonna keep it factual until the end of the report wasn't I. So MJ had gone inside the theatre, we did some stuff (like buying another layer of clothing at a sale inside Victoria station), then came back to wait for him to come out again. They set up barriers this time, so it ended up being a little more civilized, and everyone came out unharmed. MJ stayed a tiny bit longer and I got some pics. He was wearing green btw. In case you cared and hadn't heard it yet. Green rocks and MJ in green is orgasmic.

We raced back to the hotel, awaiting his return. Again, he had to give it two attempts before he actually got in (he went in one of the side entrances). The kids got in first, then he tried but people freaked, so they closed the doors and the van left again. They tried to re-establish some order and he turned up again and legged it inside, assaulted by a horde of manic fans. That was pretty much it for that day - MJwise I mean. Again we hung about, met some new and old people, tried to get some rest, froze our arses off... and ended up going home with the delicious Mel & crashing on her couches. Sleep at last! Oh the softness, oh the warmth!

Sunday we got back quite late (1pmish) cuz we're all lazy cunts, but we hadn't missed anything. First we were told he wasn't gonna leave, then that he was... there were rumours that the Dorchester staff weren't gonna let him leave again until "things had calmed down", or indeed at all (they must have been so annoyed at the whole mess lol. It always surprises me that hotels actually still agree to have him. I guess it's a great publicity stunt, despite the inconvenience). Then his van went past, empty, into the undergound car park & everyone chased after it. One fan (I won't say any names here) shouted loudly "it's empty anyway!" but duly got into a car with other "know-it-alls" and got ready to leave.

My guess was that he was gonna come out the garage so I decided to stay there, along with some other fans (not many, about a dozen). A crowd came running towards the garage again at some point, false alarm as usual, then left within 30secs and went back to the front. That is really quite fascinating - the thrill of the chase is definitely an integral part of the whole excitement. It only needs one person to run into one direction (they're probably not even a fan and just trying to catch a bus) and everyone races after them (this sorta stuff only happens once the aforementioned "buzz" is in the air). Then you realize it was a false alarm and slowly trot back... then suddenly ONE person shouts and starts sprinting again - and off we go in the opposite direction! It must look completely ridiculous to any outsider, but I fucking love it. (I managed to twist my ankle running after a "false alarm" lol)

Anyway. Where was I. Ah yes, we were stood outside the garage, and for once my intuition had been right, he came out there - but of course what do you do? (he has tainted windows so you can't see him). You could go hysterical and glue your face to the window and pound your fist on it, but that of course you do not want to do. So you... what? Wave? Smile? Use sign language to say "I love you"? You end up feeling like a complete moron (after all he may not even be looking your way!! lmao) and you just stand there. Then once he's off people start screaming and running again and you think "oh what the heck" and your own runscreaminstinct kicks in. :)) :|

Er anyway. On with the story. He was off to Madame Tussaud's, so after (again) unnecessary deliberation we followed. We had missed him going in of course, but waited for his return (which came rather soon - the kids must have got bored and I don't blame them (|). The usual story... ridiculously flimsy barriers, some police trying to keep some order, fans proclaiming how they were going to keep calm and NOT scream & shove... then as soon as there was a glimpse of him, screaming and shoving (and shouts of "don't push" drowned out among the shouts of "Michaaaeeel!") lol. It was all over very quickly, I didn't have that great a spot - got a blurry pic of his hair tho lol. LJ however had the BEST spot ever - RIGHT in the first row, with the best view INSIDE the building too. She got to touch his elbow and saw the whole lot of them - unfortunately her cam died just before that, but she was well happy anyway. :-)

We sloooowly made our way back to the hotel. When we got there there were - as usual - the variousest rumours, ranging from "he's ordered pizza for us" to "he's gonna come out and thank each one of us personally". The former rumour was true however, and after a considerable wait (I'm sure Domino's deliver faster in Brighton lol) 3 cute little delivery guys appeared on their mopeds to loud cheers and Domino's Pepperoni Passion® was distributed to everyone. The order came with a cute Thank You note (written on a Dorchester card, tho it has been argued it doesn't look like MJ's writing). Yeah and basically that was it. We stayed a little longer after that, then left. Nothing else was gonna happpen, tho some newbie (sorry) fans were still convinced he was actually gonna come out.

Actually, this was one of the funniest episodes I had all weekend... there was this annoying group of young/new fans that had taken residence right behind the barriers - they had a great view of the main doors should MJ come out, which of course wasn't gonna happen. So then this SUV pulled up and parked in the last spare parking space of the forecourt - completely blocking their view. So they started clamouring and complaining, and this spanish girl went, really loudly, "but he can't park here!!!" (you know, in a "it's forbidden" tone) and I asked "um, why?!" and she went, outraged, "because he's blocking the entrance!!" We were pissing ourselves - we were like, "nooo, he's just blocking your VIEW of the entrance!" (the entrance was 50m away!!)

It was very funny! Ok I guess you had to be there. We thought of telling them "besides it doesn't matter, he isn't gonna come out anyway!!" but we figured he wouldn't believe us, since Mel had tried to convince them earlier in the day that Phil Collins won a Grammy in 1992 for writing Billie Jean. :)) :)) :)) They were like "if you were a real fan you would know MJ wrote it himself!!", like reeaally seriously, it was so funny! And Mel, LJ & Ellie kept chanting "M-I-C-H-A-E-L   B-O-L-T-O-N" too and at one point one of them newbies came up to us and asked "are you actually fans??" - "yeeeaaah, course we are" - "then why do you keep chanting Michael Bolton?" =)) (actually I didn't find it that funny at that point... must be delayed hysteria or sth lol)

Hm yeah so originally I thought my "report" was gonna be a short two paragraph intro to the actual commentary... guess not lol (hey I have to write it down somewhere, I need to be able to read this stuff in 20yrs time and reminisce...). Sooo my feelings this weekend... were up and down as usual I guess. MJ trips are always a complete rollercoaster. You go there essentially for a few minutes of extreme excitement each day, and for that you put up with hours of boredom, freezing cold, aching bones and muscles, annoying fans, hunger, whatnot else. Not to mention the money you waste on it, often enough with no result.

Is it worth it? Oh fuck yeah. I wasn't always sure of it, and I had moments of real doubt, mainly related to the whole fans/hysteria/loss-of-control thing - I did consider stopping to follow him on a few occasions this weekend (LJ very much wanted to tear my head off at various points lol). And no, this was not when I was freezing my arse off - at that point, other more primitive thoughts were going through my mind (such as "how can we huddle up most effectively to protect ourselves from the wind").

But having experienced the rush of seeing him, catching a glimpse of him - or even not actually seeing him, but knowing that he's there, just feeling the atmosphere (as happened the 2nd time he came back from Billy Elliott - I was there, but I did not even see his hand; yet I felt high)... nothing can equal that, nothing at all, ever (or I have yet to find it). That's the only feeling of ecstasy I know - the most extreme, pure, untainted happiness. It only lasts moments - seconds, sometimes minutes if I'm lucky (if it does last longer, like going to a show he attends, the elation will disappear and the negative thoughts will kick in again and spoil the experience. The shortness is a prerequisite to the ecstasy).

Is that sad? Possibly. Incomprehensible? Probably (to non-fans). I was a bit scared myself - not having seen him for so long (and having grown kinda distant from the fan-scene in the meantime), I was not sure if he would still have the same effect on me. I was surprised - and relieved - to find he does. Exactly the same. It's immature, stupid, irrational, a waste of time and money, but I love it, and don't anyone dare take it from me.

[imagine here rant about fans I was going to write, but it's so late now and this entry is so fucking long already. I'll savour the positivity now!]

So as I write this MJ is still in London, and the reasons I am not are
1. I really had to do laundry and wash my hair and stuff
2. my ankle hurts and needs rest
3. the rumours today kinda indicated he wasn't gonna show himself.
Turns out he did (& still does?) show himself at his window, and tho I am sad about not being there, I don't feel too bad. I may go up again tomorrow depending on the circumstances.

He's so close, it's so weird, so incredible. I wasn't hoping to see him again any time soon. And it was so unexpected to discover I would. Yet so scary to try it out. And sooo incredibly exciting to find I still feel the magic. Thank you Michael. :x

People say...

(I thought I spotted a red hair on one of the pictures. Isn't that Wam? It's Wam!!)

I have been watching and reading about this event in London myself this weekend, and seeing you there and hoping to read some sort of "field report" from you of how it was I had to track down this spot you created here in the web. So we lost contact some time ago because of some errors, but let me comment on this right here. I saw your hair, Wam, can't miss that color in a crowd!!!? hehe =)

If he were to spend some night at a hotel nearby I would most likely go there and stand outside. Feeling like a complete idiot if someone walks by and asks "what in heavens name are you standing there for?".

The funny thing is, is when a random stranger asks you this question and when you're explaining why you're there, most likely the person will join you for some minutes or two too, just to maybe get a glimps of Michael Jackson.

On Friday I typed myself into one of the image files thingy I have, and there it was two pictures of the hotel Michael Jackson were staying at. Taken by some photograpers from the media. They got payed for those pictures!. Isn't that insane?! =/ LOL

I really agree on how you explained about what a thrill and excitement it is about all this. In Berlin, my first and only trip. At first I was totally shocked by everything. Scared and freaked out by all the people screaming, crying, yelling, singing and running around in circles, took me some time to realize that that it's what it's all about, lol...

I remember the feeling that him beeing so close and everything. My first words when I got out of the airplane in Berlin were "OMG, I can't believe Im in the same country as Michael Jackson!!!"

Totally insane, but the greatest feeling in the world at the time =)

Posted by: therese (tris) on Mon October 10, 2005 at 23:40

Oh man, your report was awesome!!! Hey I saw a pic of Michael and you and LJ are right behind him!!!

Thanks for sharing, it's nice to be able to live vicariously through everyone !!

Posted by: Jess on Tue October 11, 2005 at 0:39

here it is, Im sure youve seen it.


Posted by: Jess on Tue October 11, 2005 at 0:40

No, not seen that. That is great!!! THANKS!!!

Hi Tris - nice to see you're still alive & all. MJ unites us all lol. How's Miriam?

Posted by: Clarissa on Tue October 11, 2005 at 1:02

Well, Im well and alive, and I guess Miriam is to. Im in a sentimental mood today, so I'll stop now before saying something I would regret on later.

You made it to the source I see oohh. Not bad hehe, but I saw another picture though, not only hair, but face too lol =P

Posted by: tris on Tue October 11, 2005 at 1:12

Ok. I wouldn't want you to say anything you'll regret later. (?)
whatever. This is supposed to be an entry about MJ.
Where did you see pic with face? Incl. double chin?

Posted by: Clarissa on Tue October 11, 2005 at 1:44

good question hihi, I searched for it and ended of with this link http://www.mjsfc.com/mjgallery/displayimage.php?album=231&pos=32

Posted by: tris on Tue October 11, 2005 at 2:03


Tris is so cute

Posted by: squiZZ on Tue October 11, 2005 at 6:30

oO( Maybe she died.)

Um yeah so when you said you'd seen MJ in green I thought you meant you'd seen a pic online. Didn't know he was in London obviously.

And I wanna see MJ again. . . however this report reminded me of why I'll probably never see him again.

Posted by: WamWam on Tue October 11, 2005 at 9:16



Posted by: JarJar on Tue October 11, 2005 at 9:18

Wow. What a great report. I am so jealous.I've never done this and I hope I'll get the chance before I die. Hope Mike stays a while and you'll get to see him again.

Posted by: Anne on Tue October 11, 2005 at 10:33

Oh. I thought you read BML diary - she had an update about it so I thought you would know.
LOL @ pic online! Altho I love green very much, that would not warrant a text. Maybe a Yahoo message.

Hmja @ Anne, me too, tho not sure if it's so wise to go up there again... tho I really wanna.

Posted by: Clarissa on Tue October 11, 2005 at 13:34

Loooooooooove this report!

Mine is here btw: http://bluemasklover.i8.com/michael/london2005.html

Btw Jess I'm not in that pic??

Posted by: The BML on Tue October 11, 2005 at 13:50

The picture is so funny!!! The red hair.

Hey, it's great you got to see Michael. Enjoy every minute when you go up again.

Posted by: Michelle on Tue October 11, 2005 at 21:37

Ja, just returned from London again
Might go up again Thursday night on my way to Stansted... since that's sort of the other side of London. *snigger*

Posted by: Clarissa on Wed October 12, 2005 at 0:05

I'm so frigging tired and fucked!!!!

Posted by: Mel on Wed October 12, 2005 at 1:10

lol @ died . . . how tragic :(

Aren't you behind Wam (to her right) with a hand and a phone covering your face L.J.? if not then it sorta looks like it could be you.

Posted by: squiZZZZZZ on Wed October 12, 2005 at 2:36

@ Mel. Poor dahling (what were you still doing up at that hour anyway tho?)

And yes @ squiZZ, that's what I said too. Apparently it isn't tho (but she's even wearing the right jumper!!)

Posted by: Clarissa on Wed October 12, 2005 at 9:39

Don't think that's me! Have found another one with me in tho.

Posted by: The BML on Wed October 12, 2005 at 11:19