Back and forth
Category: Me about me | 12 Comments | Posted 15:21Look, as if nothing had happened. This blog has been online almost 2 1/2 years now. Thought it would be interesting to jump back...
two years - guess where I was? Yep, right here. Fatboy Slim on the beach, Aspa, Kate, sunshine... Great weekend... and they cancelled it for this year, the bastards.
one year - bad poetry. very amusing and I still feel the same. Just stay away if you're untalented. *lol* There is nothing mystical about poetry.
Forward now! Where to? I have no clue. I am still deliberating. Maybe I will start being honest (and ultimately cruel) out of boredom (if for no other reason), I feel I have been such a bitch to people I love already - mainly because I don't see any other way of dealing with these things.
Just yesterday I found myself caught up in a wave of hatred and resentment for one of the people I love the most, and I felt like telling them lots of horrible things about themselves, not because I thought it was gonna make them think or anything... just to voice my frustration. It was over in a minute, but it was so violent and purely self-gratifying... very frightening.
This self-indulgence disgusts me in a way, it's not who I want to be, and sometimes it even bores me. It's been all about me me me lately, I'm blowing it all out of proportion aren't I? I'm even turning into a hypochondriac now. *yawn* But then you try to think of alternatives and it's all so... unattainable and shrouded in vagueness and so much fucking effort! If at least it came with a guarantee of success!
I feel like doing something really extreme & drastic, just to drag myself out of this drab routine - but I know it would be pointless, it would do nothing at all in the end, because it wouldn't address the actual problem (whatever that is). Moving here was drastic enough, and it's done nothing to make me feel better, quite the contrary.
In one of our fights on squiZZcomments (all gone cuz of bloody Pinchpenny) Michelle said something about me "running away" to the UK and back then I thought "what utter rubbish, I am running to something I really love". But she was right of course, at least partly. I was hoping this would cure my dissatisfaction - and in the end it only refocused it.
What a long entry to say nothing at all.
[edit] Lo: nice entry, makes you want to go and drown yourself in the city canal
I love Lo 
... later... I am going to Riiiiiiiga to drown myself in the canal with Lo 
arrive 17/08 13:20 ... depart 22/08 15:05 ... woooo!!! 
[/edit]
>>I am going to Riiiiiiiga to drown myself in the canal with Lo
No you're bloody not.
And yeah. Everything is pointless.
At least you can admit your mistakes, unlike Michelle who just makes even worse ones.
Posted by: The BML at Tue July 13, 2004 18:35He who is without sin may cast the first stone. Anyway was only mentioning Michelle in passing.
And yes I am. I may not drown myself, but I am going to Riga!
im in brighton this weekend for a very quick visit sat/sun will u be around we can go to lunchxx
Sorry i noticed you online yesterday but when i was about to talk to you, scott kicked me off the comp 
forgive mex
love the newwwww layout
i thought it had music too, but realised that was my launch cast!
or was it? hmm
yep i can relate to the wanting to do somethin drastic! doesnt always happen tho
Ooooooooh @ Matt *insane grin on face* Woooooo am very excited!!!!!!
Mwahahaha @ Tom. It's the subliminal messages I am sending out 
And ja I know 
*shrugs*
Posted by: Craig at Thu July 15, 2004 12:04>>He who is without sin may cast the first stone
Eh?
Who is that meant to be then, me?
Posted by: The BML at Thu July 15, 2004 21:19