Where is home?

Category: Me about me | 2 Comments | Posted 18:36

Am currently reading a report about refugees in Germany and their experiences. People who say 'my parents got lost in the war, I have no idea how they are doing, but my life is here now, I can't imagine returning.' Also Refusal Shoes about the UK immigration service. Again, much about refugees and their more or less successful attempts at settling in a different country, often leaving everything behind with no chance of ever returning, ever seeing their families again.

I have chosen to move country and live apart from my family & friends, yet I have the choice of going back, of visiting or of phoning. I don't miss Luxembourg one bit, and the actual people I miss I can count on one hand (and with friends all around the world I am used to missing friends). Yet I am very grateful for the contact I still have and cannot imagine completely severing all ties.

Yesterday at work I was talking to Val (no not you Val, another Val). He's from Rouen (Normandy), he moved here because he came here with school once and he liked it. That kinda struck me as a bit of a flimsy reason for uprooting and moving to somewhere in a different country. But then again I thought, well what I've done is not really that different.

I definitely consider Brighton home. I have considered England my 'ideal' home for years (and Brighton the homeliest place within England). But this 'home' (the one I have chosen) has a counterpart which is the place I grew up in, with all its memories and its familiarity. Much as I dislike and despise Lux as a place to live, I cannot imagine my life without it, without this root or anchor that makes up part of who I am. ('you can take me out of Lux but you can't take Lux out of me' - it's so cliché it makes me puke, but there's sth to it)

As a kind of afterthought here's a song that has haunted me for years... making me feel excited and hopeful during my uni years when I imagined settling here eventually... then depressed and like a failure after I'd moved back and given up on the ideal... now proud or doubtful depending on my mood and the immediate circumstances.

I Wonder (Departure)

This park and these houses, old streets I have walked
Everything dear, will it be here
One day when I am returning?
My friends will get married, have children and homes
It sounds so nice, well-planned and wise
Never expecting surprises

I wonder, it's frightening
Leaving now, is that the right thing?
I wonder, it scares me
But who the the hell am I if I don't even try
I'm not a coward
Oh no, I'll be strong
One chance in a lifetime
Yes I will take it, it can't go wrong

My friends and my family, this dull little town
Buses I've missed, boys that I've kissed
Everything old and familiar

I wonder, it's frightening
Leaving now, is that the right thing?
I wonder, it scares me
But who the the hell am I if I don't even try
I'm not a coward
Oh no, I'll be strong
One chance in a lifetime
Yes I will take it...
Yes I will take it, it can't go wrong