Being bitchy

I don't like being difficult and a bitch. I mean I'd rather not be, if I could really control it, and I am well aware I sometimes turn nasty on the wrong people at the wrong time, and I feel bad about that afterwards. (provided I care about them in the first place. I don't give a fuck if I don't like them anyway. Why not let my frustration out on them?)

And I guess I'm mainly being a bitch when I feel hurt and insecure and paranoid. Not that that's an excuse. But I ain't really evil. I'm just complicated. I think I'm only realising that now really. The complicatedness I mean - or the full extent of it. It makes me feel sometimes, but then again I think why the fuck not? Everyone's being fucking complicated, so why can't I? Exactly.

So then I turn into a bitch sometimes. I still think I'm doing ok most of the time, or at least trying to. I try not to take out my shitty moods on other people unless they've done something to piss me off (tho it may have been unintentional if they did, I admit). And I am working hard on putting things in perspective... and apologizing when I realize I've messed up again.

But sometimes it don't work eh. Mea culpa, I suck big time and all that. In my next life I'll try not to let shit get to me. *lol* In the meantime you'll have to deal with the flawed me, just as I do. *lol*