Always half empty

I work 3 days a week. 3 days out of 7. I have 3 days off in a row: Tuesday Wednesday Thursday. Tuesday is the only one of those days I can truly enjoy, because it is the beginning of my time off. Wednesday all I think of is that almost half of my days off is over already - in fact, given that I usually wake up late in the morning, I can even tell myself that more than half is over. Thursday is spent in horrified anticipation of having to work again the next day.

My whole life works like this. If I have a 2 week vacation, I will spend the last of those 2 weeks dreading having to work again. If I am going to visit someone exciting for a few days, I can never really enjoy my stay because once I get there, at the back of my mind I am constantly thinking about how now it will soon be over and I will be missing them.

In a way I always live in the non-present. But I don't spend my working days looking forward to my days off (well I do but I still actively hate the working days), and tho I look forward to visiting exciting people, I don't actively enjoy the days before because I am desperate to get there (by which time I will be dreading the days after).

Sounds fun eh? I've always defined myself as a pessimist, and I've often had this contested - with arguments like "if you were such a pessimist, you would never have taken the plunge and quit your job and moved to Brighton." But that's not what it is. What it means is that I will always see the negative in things. That doesn't prevent me from doing things. It just makes me enjoy them less.