*curled up in a corner*

Michael Jackson in handcuffs is the worst thing I've seen in a long time. Hey I thought I had the necessary distance to not let this FUCKING SHIT get to me. Wasn't crying during the press conference, with Tom Sneddon the despicable scumbag laughing and joking and reassuring everyone it was nothing personal. Was shaking, but not crying.

Didn't cry all day yesterday and today, with all the tension and drama and speculations and pessimism. Listened to WYBT, Money, Scream, and didn't cry. Took in the news of the arrest warrant, in disbelief, but didn't cry. Was actually thinking this afternoon as I drove back from buying Number Ones that the whole thing simply hadn't sunk in yet. Surreal was the word I used. Eerie it was, this feeling of déjà-vu, and disconcerting. But it didn't feel real.

Well I guess I'm a bit thick and I take a while to realise things. I have to see things for them to actually sink in. So the pics of him being led into the Santa Barbara County Jail in handcuffs did it for me - it had finally arrived in my sad little reality. My hero of 15 years criminally charged of child molestation. I do not even want to speculate over the outcome of this - I am pessimistic by nature, but whatever happens, it won't be good. He seems in good spirits, which reassures me, and the media coverage isn't that  bad, which is positive too.

But I will never get this image out of my head. Neither will the rest of the world. What a fucking nightmare. *sigh* Poor guy. God I love him so much. How sad that something like this has to happen for me to realise how much this guy still means to me. But I'm not ashamed to admit it, and I will say it proudly: I love him to death and I know he's innocent. I owe him so much. I hope he'll be ok and I wish I could do more for him.