I'm boiling and antisocial.
Category: Self-analysis | 17 Comments | Posted 0:44Fucking hell, this is a nightmare! Someone take it away! The heat I mean. Just got back from this barbeque thing we had with our English teacher ppl, it is SO nice outside, wonderful summer night, and then I get back up here and it's bloody 29DegC!!! I mean seriously, it's past midnight, and I had ALL the windows WIDE open!! Will go downstairs to sleep tonight. I can't stand this.
The BBQ was ok. I mean I dunno, I just don't fancy these sorta gatherings much. There were some really cool moments, and all in all I'd say it wasn't too bad, but looking back I still kinda feel it was... well not a waste of time (I wouldn't have done anything more useful had I stayed at home), but just something I could do without.
There were so many occasions when I felt like just leaving and doing something more interesting, tho I knew I couldn't of course as it would have seemed rude. I get that a lot, with a lot of things I do. There are some friends where I never feel like leaving... but more & more of that 'social' stuff I have to force myself to attend, or not to leave, or not to just get out a book and read. *lol*
I generally avoid such events these days - I've only been to a fraction of our school's dinners for instance. But sometimes I just let myself get dragged into them. I don't hate being there most of the time... I just don't get the point. I mean, what IS the point?
Bonding and making friends I know. But what if you don't wanna? I don't see how that should be such an inherently bad thing. Being antisocial I mean. It certainly is made out to be. Preferring to stay on your own is weird. "Go out and meet people", they say. Why if you feel quite comfortable on your own? I don't get it, honest. 
True @ have a great time. It happens.
I have to say I'm past the "fulfilling expectations" thing tho. I don't mind if people perceive me as weird for going quiet every once in a while, and I don't feel the need to be funny. I think that's something you have a lot, you think you have to be entertaining or people won't be interested.
I believe some people really do enjoy these sorts of things tho. Like my dad, he loved being the center of attention, cracking jokes etc. It's just not for everyone.
Thanks for the entry. *Feels less lonely* 
Not so long ago (sometimes even now) it was quite difficult to get rid of the thought that you are obliged to be interesting and funny with people even if you don't want, not in the right mood or simply can't.
But what if you sometimes don't want to be on your own but can't be with people too... 
Aaww cute Lo.
Hm yeah if you WANT to be with people but can't, it gets more complicated. I guess you work on whatever makes it impossible?
>>I think that's something you have a lot, you think you have to be entertaining or people won't be interested. >I believe some people really do enjoy these sorts of things tho. Like my dad, he loved being the center of attention, cracking jokes etc. It's just not for everyone.
Posted by: The BML at July 16, 2003 04:09 PMI know your exact feelings. But I think if you feel like you do not want to hang out with the people or feel you get more out of reading a book, then the people are just the wrong people for you.
I have very few people I love to hang out with and am disappointed about leaving again. But there are just others I feel completely bored about. But it's not because I'm antisocial. I can make friends easily if I want to, but I think most people out there are just not my thing, they have other interests or talk about everyday crap that I can talk to myself about also without sitting in a group of others.
Posted by: Michelle at July 16, 2003 05:38 PMBTW in Weblog Config you could turn on "Convert Line Breaks" in "Text Formatting for comments". Then breaks show up without using HTML. At least my break didn't show up in the entry above. 
But they do show up now. 
>>most people out there are just not my thing
Posted by: The BML at July 16, 2003 06:23 PMSod. My tags didn't show up. Oh you know what I mean.
Also I whacked return twice and it didn't automatically go down, but when I type 'br' it goes down more than just one line.
Michelle, I HAVE chosen convert line breaks.
Oh I have an idea... wait...
Ah indeed that was the problem. I had put custom settings in the "sanitize" setting because of sth and that screwed it up. Should be working fine now.
The thing about antisocial - I don't have the problem when I'm with 1 or 2 friends (if I do indeed find them interesting enough). What I don't like are big parties with "acquaintances". So it's not like I have the wrong friends.
Posted by: Clarissa at July 16, 2003 07:17 PMOk, first of all, why when I click the comments link does it skip down to another part of journal, and then I've to scroll up and click it again to get in here. Does it happen to u too? Fix it!! :mad:
Ah yes, you're making sense -what is the point of being sociable with ppl when you have no interest in them whatsoever. Or even if you do get on with them - it's a horrible feeling thinking there's sth else you could be doing. Preferably online!! LOL
LJ- if they're not putting on a front - they're SAD people! ;)
Posted by: Sinead at July 16, 2003 11:28 PMMichelle is right! Everyday crap. Boring! LMAO @ talking everyday crap to yourself. 
p.s. Citz has form validation - me impressed! 
What's form validation?
Posted by: The BML at July 17, 2003 10:10 AMSinead, I dunno why it scrolls down the page, it shouldn't. You sure you're clicking the right link?
Indeed @ doing stuff online! Hooray! 
Form validation is usually when it checks if you've done everything right. Tho it shouldn't here as there are no requirements?! 
actually, are requirements, (maybe it's not you that put them in) I accidently typed my url in the email address space, and it showed error. *lol*
AM clicking on right link!!! I'm not thick! 
(Although it only happens to my home PC. So that's the answer!)
I don't get it either. Then every once in a while an event like that can surprise you and you can have a great time. I just hate the expectations of you at such an event. People seem to expect a lot of you, to behave a certain way, and then it becomes a case of obsession over letting them down, which is stupid and pointless, as we should just be who we are.
Posted by: The BML at July 16, 2003 11:22 AMI find it very hard to believe that all these people aren't just putting on a front too.