... but almost. Anyway, here's an update about my life in general.
Ok first off the Fugees thing has changed - I decided that it was insane to go to 3 gigs in such a short time, mostly because I can't really afford to waste holidays, and I would've had to stay home all of November. So I cancelled the Zurich trip, lost a lot of money on the flight, and booked a trip to Lux 17-20 Nov instead. First time in Lux since April. I find it a bit daunting/unexciting (I could think of better places to go) but I do have many friends there that I haven't seen in ages and I should be able to meet up with a few of them and get a taste of that normal friendship "meeting-up-for-a-chat-and-a-catchup" thing that people are meant to do. And I can see horsey. And mummy. She's excited lol.
Right, other than that... I am actually doing fairly ok at the moment. I discovered a while back - in July I believe - that my really bad phases seem to come in cycles, every three months. I had one in January, one in April, one in July (albeit a short one), and then I guess it would make sense that I'd have one in October again? Tho it may have been dragging on longer than that. And it made things difficult, incl. the trip to Norway and esp. the aftermath of that. Everything was a big deal and a big mess. But it has been improving.
The MJ thing helped of course. Well actually I felt kinda crap at first on the MJ trip too - first cuz we missed him of course, and then on Saturday when the Billy Elliott thing ended in such a mess. I've felt very alienated from the fan scene for a while, and even more so then, and I felt even more what I have felt before: I don't want to be part of this. This madness, this complete loss of control... it's the ultimate adrenaline kick, but it's wrong. Someone on Saturday (a non-fan obviously) shouted something like "why don't you give the poor guy a life and leave him alone?"
And that's sort of the essence of it. You can justify your actions in countless different ways: he knows nothing else and does seek it out and encourages it; all the other fans do it so if you were just one less person to follow him what difference would it make, and you want to get your fun too; he loves his fans and would be disappointed if all of a sudden there was no one there to harrass him... and I totally condone and support the whole fanship thing... but the insanity, the ruthlessness and lack of any sort of restraint or discipline - I hate that, and I have been and am guilty of it too and it always kinda shocks and unsettles me.
Yeah but anyway. After a while all was cool, and I had a great time. I have also booked the cool course and paid deposit, so the "OMG what to do with my life" question has found a short term answer at least. My father's in intensive care btw, has been for weeks. He had a heart attack, kinda unexpectedly tho not unsurprisingly, he ain't dead yet unfortunately but here's hoping.
Aaand on Friday I am going to Leipzig (this was announced ages ago yet people seem to forget about it lol). Staying with Michelle, for an all-too-short 2 days, & meeting Anne on Saturday. Then with Katja & Tobias in Mainz for another 3 days. I gave up MJ for all of them and they better kiss my feet for it!!!! 
(ok in the end I realized cancelling really wasn't an option, it would've been too horrible of me... but it was a hard decision to make 
)
Yeah so that's it for now. Not done any cleaning/packing tonight so I guess it will be for tomorrow. So an update will be unlikely until I get back tbh. Buhbye.
PS mustnotreadMJboardsaboutvisitstoHarrodsandotherstuff...sigh
Christ. Well, at least you're not close to your father. (I think that's what you said anyway.....)
Good that things are improving, and stuff.
Posted by: Woods on Wed October 12, 2005 at 23:18lol @ picking out the father thing out of this whole entry, which was really more of an aside comment.
No I'm not close to him and I hope he dies. Better sooner than later.
Yeah, at the father-thing... 
BTW you got mail, long mail.
LOL @ all those emails..
Yeah, well, to to tell you the truth I only speed-read it cos am going to bed, and like, that stuck out to me. :-"
But will come back to it and read properly later!!!
Posted by: Woods on Wed October 12, 2005 at 23:31 @ father
Thanks, got long mail & read. 
Will reply tomorrow. Sent short reply for now 
Now will bed.
*kisses ass*
haha. looking forward to meeting you, again!!!
Posted by: Anne on Thu October 13, 2005 at 7:41
Good girl!
I'm excited tooooo! 
Although, I have to say, you are really missing out by not coming to Dresden. The secret capital of the East. hehe
Posted by: Anne on Thu October 13, 2005 at 10:39lol sorry. Maybe some other time
Dresden is very nice, too. Maybe next time we'll meet in Dresden then. ;)
Posted by: Michelle on Thu October 13, 2005 at 21:40WOO HOO! Enjoy Leipzig! Give us pics! I like your pics... 
@ father indeed.
"PS mustnotreadMJboardsaboutvisitstoHarrodsandotherstuff...sigh"
Ahh. Don't I know it.
Well you could just be a cunt like me and get banned from boards and not be able to read about it