this could get long, or break off at any moment cuz I should be in bed.
- procrastination perfected -
Tomorrow Katja & Tobias are arriving in Brighton 
I am very very very very excited. I have not seen them in... I daresay years (last time was when I was still in Lux... in autumn I believe.. so 2003, so that's years). They are mine and all mine and very mine and longest-time-mine!!! Sorry for being so terribly possessive yet again, but I cannot help it. 
We might be scratching out each other's eyes two days from now cuz Darryl (my flat, remember??) is incredibly tiny and I don't have the slightest clue how we will manage, but we have been there (eye-scratching) before and we're still friends, and they have accepted me despite all my horribleness and I am forever grateful for that. 
So today I should have been cleaning the flat but decided to do all of that tomorrow since they will be arriving rather late so I'll have plenty of time. Instead I ended up watching MJ videos/performances and experiencing another one of those magic moments where I realised how much I love him, and how much I owe him, and how lucky I am to be part of this... whole thing. I watched the 1993 Grammy legend award and was just so incredibly moved yet again. Isn't it great if you can watch something for the 50th time and still feel the magic?
I feel so grateful for that - for everything Michael Jackson has given me. The music, the performances, the love, the experiences, the dance, the beauty, the touching idealism.... and for still being able to feel that magic, time and time again. Even if sometimes it dies down for a few weeks or months (sometimes even years). No one, no one ever has given me as much as he has, directly or indirectly.
Tho of course these days, and for the past 2 years or so, this amazement, this devotion (I dare to call it that) was always tainted by bitter & angry thoughts about what they did to him. Look at him, this pure, naively idealistic person, this incredible gift (fuck God - a gift of Nature/coincidence that we should cherish & enjoy!!) - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM AND HOW DARE YOU??? *grrrrrrr* 
I cannot express the extent of my hatred for those who willingly accepted to hurt him for their own gain.
Ugh. So much for that. I would have other things to say but I really need to go to bed now. Besides no one reads this anyway.
I read iiiiiiiit.
@ MJ stuff. True, true.
Aaaaaaaaaaah.
I had the same Michael experience last night. I listened to Fall Again for the first time and he had me hooked again with his voice. God, no one can touch my heart like he can. No one makes me that emotional. You know when you listen to him what a good man he is. And yeah, I hate these people who tried to destroy him, too. I hate them more every day. And I so admire Michael for still being here, for being so incredibly strong. God, I love him. Can't put it any other way.
Posted by: Anne on Thu August 4, 2005 at 11:23 we are lucky!
I still can't feel hate. But I am happy to watch Michael recovering. He'll beat everything.
Posted by: Michelle on Thu August 4, 2005 at 12:43I admire you for not feeling hate 
But I don't understand it.
Hate hate hate 
*lol*
fuckers.
Posted by: squiZZ on Fri August 5, 2005 at 11:41