- September 2002 -
:: 30Sep02 23:15 :: YOUNGER ROLE MODELS :: Great. I got myself a new speaker system with a subwoofer a while back. The subwoofer sits on the floor, as it should. My mum sleeps in a room right below mine. She can hear (feel?) the bass thru her ear plugs when she's in bed. So here I am listening to my mp3s on headphones. Good quality headphones, but still. *sigh*
:: 29Sep02 13:55 :: TEACHING ANECDOTES :: OK I was by far a funnier pupil than my class is. OK, one of them made me giggle. They had these 'situations' where they were supposed to make up sth to say, such as your friend has a headache, make useful suggestions - "why don't you take an aspirin and go to bed." There was one your brother has just won £100.000 in the lottery and most went "why don't you take a trip around the world and get yourself a new car", except this one girl who said "That's great! Why don't you share it with your lovely sister?" *g* I thought that was quite funny.
And yes, I did actually put the little smiley!!! The teacher wasn't very impressed and wrote "hadn't you better learn your vocabulary?" :P Good old Mr. Weyland. He never really liked me, strangely enough. Another time I put another one of those "meaningless" sentences and wrote in brackets "as you can see I have no idea what it means." *lol*
:: 27Sep02 19:35 :: KYOOOOTE :: My pigs are the sweetest things!!! I have Lucy running around in the bathroom now since it's unfair to have her locked in the cage most of the time. I tried to leave the door open and just block it with a bit of cardboard so that she'd get fresh air & not feel so lonely. Obviously that resulted in great mayhem with hormones flowing and pigs squeaking. Charlie soon found out what the way to his beloved was and it took him only about 3 attempts to surmount the problem (cardboard) in his way. *g* When I grabbed him to put him back into the hall he tried to run away in his usual fashion, but his little feet slipped on the tiled floor so he wasn't getting anywhere! It was SO adorable!
:: 27Sep02 23:25 :: RAMPFLOBLURGHAAA :: I'm very tired and kinda drunk. I've passed the 1st part of the preliminary exams to get into the teaching thing. Now there's only 11 of us left for 8 posts - and I'm kind of expecting I won't be among the last 3. That would be quite embarrassing. So I'm a bit more relaxed in that respect.
:: 27Sep02 00:55 :: FREE SPEECH :: I do not deserve to be in Michelle's Free Speech Clique cuz I just edited something out of that previous entry which I thought people might find too shocking or distasteful. Silly really.
:: 27Sep02 00:40 :: FUCK :: I've changed the layout as you can see, tho you can't really call this a layout. It's cuz I'm SOOOO pissed off at what's going on Iraq-wise, I am on this complete anti-US trip, it makes me so mad I wanna scream! I was listening to their bloody hypocritical justification for their fucking idiotic anti-Iraq campaign earlier today, and I got this really eerie feeling. I may be wrong but I think it won't be a week before the attack starts. The air smells of war, the atmosphere is the same as it was before the strike against Afghanistan. You can tell when the US get into the final stage of their brainwashing. I am in fact so angry that I may move my big lazy butt and get active. Fucking bastards. Hypocritical shit-heads. Harrrrumph!
:: 25Sep02 19:40 :: EEK!! :: Shit my vision is all stripey!! At first I thought it was the monitor, but it's wherever I look!!!! Okay that's just freaky! I don't like seeing freaky things! The voices in my head are bad enough. (lol ok that was just a cheap Grudge-copy cuz I've just read her diary and she mentioned sth similar). BTW,Hijo de la Luna is a beautiful and touching song/story.
:: 25Sep02 19:30 :: MOTHERFUCKER :: LOL thought I'd write that just cuz I can. You get so used to all the censorship on EZboards (and other forums) that you end up misspelling swear words even on your own site - you know, fu.ck and sh!t and ar$e & stuff like that. So here goes: shit fuck arsehole piss whore cunt. I am well pissed off at my shitty download rates BTW - and I get even more annoyed when all the little bastards who download from me get dream rates like 20kbs and I'm stuck with bloody 3.5 or sth. Then when you cancel them out of frustration they're back within a minute, little buggers.
:: 25Sep02 13:30 :: ANOTHER DAY WASTED :: I really oughta be off now. I'd planned to prepare a vocabulary sheet for my class this morning, instead I surfed & watched Hackers (which is kinda cliché & exaggerated in parts, but cool in others). Now I'm supposed to head off to school & the bookshop & my nan & I'm still sat here at my PC. *ugh* Will disappear in a minute tho. It's raining again too, ugh I should I've gone to see my horsey yesterday cuz we had the most gorgeous (albeit freezing) weather.
:: 25Sep02 01:00 :: RESOLUTIONS PART III :: Remember the resolutions from my Cardiff visit? And the re-assessment from a few weeks back? I've just been thinking about it again. I was right when I said " I've always been pretty good at going along with the flow of whatever life brought my way". I am coping with the new situation (teaching! big thing! my new job! this is what I'll probably be doing for the rest of my life!) - so far I haven't had a fit screaming that I can't take it and I'm quitting or whatever. But I've also realised that I'm only doing what people are making me do. I only ring my nan when I know I can't get around it. I fail to get in contact with friends, to return their calls or e-mails, to visit them, even tho I keep promising. I even ended one friendship cuz I just couldn't be arsed anymore, and I haven't been in contact with Anikó for months!
:: 23Sep02 23:00 :: Rien de nouveau.
:: 23Sep02 06:50 :: BUNDESTAGSWAHL II :: *phew*
:: 22Sep02 22:40 :: PINK :: is hot. Not nearly as hot as my Goddess Angelina, but she's pretty good-looking anyway, and I love her voice. Very sexy. She's cool too. BTW this girl in my class is cool too, she's my secret role model - she sorta dresses like I used to 5 years ago, but cooler, and has cooler hair too and she's only 16! And my friend says she was like that when she was 13 too. I wish I could tell her how cool she is, but I guess you're not supposed to as a teacher. Maybe once she's finished school :)
:: 22Sep02 18:30 :: GERMAN BUNDESTAGSWAHL :: First results... I finally connected my TV card today so I can watch it as I write. I am scared. I hope Red-Green will make it. It really means a lot to me, mainly because of the Left-Right balance within the EU - which is SERIOUSLY tending towards the Right at the moment. And also because of the attitude towards the US - what Stoiber thinks in that respect makes me PUKE!!!!
:: 22Sep02 15:10 :: CLUTTERED :: I wonder what my environment tells about me. My room I mean. I hate empty spaces, my walls and shelves and everything else is full of stuff. Look:
Cluttered right? Yeah, so this is my room. I guess my mind is sorta similar. Messed up LOL. I don't necessarily mean that in a "mentally fucked up" way - I'm just disorganised. You know, I have 100 things on my mind, I wanna start new things all the time but never finish them, or get bored before even starting. I consider doing things & then change my mind. I have contradictory opinions of myself and my life and don't know which ones are right. But anyway, I like my room that way. :D
:: 21Sep02 13:30 :: TIME FOR A GOOD OLD RANT :: I know it's pointless, but FUCK George Bush! DAMN the US foreign policy & general politics! I ain't gonna go on about this or anything, everything worth saying has been said by other people, but I just wanna make it very clear that I despise everything that government is doing, it seriously upsets me to think about it and it scares me to think where we are heading. When will anyone ever put an end to their recklessness, arrogance, primitivity and plain stupidity? And how? *sigh*
:: 21Sep02 9:30 :: RESOLUTIONS :: I kinda feel like starting a new layout for this thing, maybe feat. Angelina Jolie. But I know I won't stop till it's done then which means I won't get anything else done all day... so I'm not sure. I could also do some of the "100 things about me" that I thought I might want to do... but I should in fact write e-mails. *sigh* Oh and go shopping again, there's another book I might need. I bet there's nothing on telly at this time of day. I wish I wasn't so lethargic. Oh yeah, tidy room, that was another resolution. Oh ok then. Need loud music. DAMN my diary entries are boring! :/
:: 20Sep02 23:50 :: SOME OF THEM :: My cursor has a shadow!! You know, on XP. I've only just noticed that and I think it's pretty cool. I wonder if XP will add the shadow to any cursor or if it's part of the default ones. Hang on... aah, it adds it. Very groovy.
:: 19Sep02 21:00 :: YEAH YEAH YEAH :: I suppose you're all expecting some sort of "school report" (LOL you know what I mean). I'm quite knackered, but anyway, it wasn't too bad. They're quite a sweet class. I never thought I could find a bunch of teenage loudmouths endearing, but they can be. I think we'll get along. It will be weird tho and I haven't yet prepared anything for tomorrow so I really should move my butt. I totally feel like collapsing into bed tho. which is what I'll do now I think. I could just do grammar revision with them instead I guess. *hehe*
:: 17Sep02 20:30 :: Lessons learned - HUMILITY & LOVE :: I finally looked for the codec for my Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon audio today and ended up watching the whole film again (I suppose that WAS the idea behind downloading it, but not TODAY - er anyway). Interesting how the lesson I drew from it tonight was quite different from the original one. Humility would be today's - and it is especially striking how today I see Li Mu Bai and Shu Lien as the role models far more than Lyu Jen (or whatever her name is, Zhang Ziyi). Being the strongest (and quasi invincible) is not worth much if you don't know what to do with your strength - damn I can't help thinking of today's situation with the US.
:: 15Sep02 21:50 :: HATE THE WORLD AND... :: Oh yeah, and something else I hate, apart from the whole fucking world: Amazon the bastards! So I ordered these things WEEKS ago, HEAPS of things, £99 worth in fact, some books for school too, so it was pretty important and I thought it would be quicker to order online than at our local bookstore (and was made to believe so too, cuz the bookstore said three weeks and Amazon said 1-2 days). OK, I wait a week or sth like that, start wondering, check my order online, nothing, keep waiting, then I get a mail saying one of the books will take 4-6 weeks to get hold of. Well FUCK you.
:: 15Sep02 21:38 :: HATE THE WORLD :: I'm feeling particularly misanthropic right now. Nobody better get in my way. If anyone knows a remedy, please let me know.
:: 15Sep02 11:48 :: 100 UNKNOWN THINGS ABOUT MYSELF :: Everyone's doing it! Michelle started it, then Sara caught on, and now Dorin has started. I think it's really cool, but SO much work. Dorin & Sara are doing it in sections. I might do that too. LOL tho I SHOULD do other stuff instead :|
:: 15Sep02 11:30 :: FEATURED LINK :: Go here: Freak Watchers Textbook - it's very funny :P
:: 15Sep02 10:30 :: GLOBAL VILLAGE :: The Net is a small place after all (sort of). I was just wandering thru personal websites and came across Shedoodles - she used to be hosted on the same provider as my first Clarissacam page! It was a really small community back then and we were all chatting on their boards - there were mainly guys and they were behaving like teenagers around us girls, teasing each other that they were flirting and stuff. Gonna have to drop Shedoodles a note :)
:: 14Sep02 14:30 :: BOOOOOM!!! :: OMG you people all have to get Winamp 3 (if you don't already have it) and then download the totally funkylicious BOOM skin - the absolutely most amazing thing since the beginning of the Internet!!! *thud* The animations, the little tricks, the box... WOW! Just get it ok!?!
:: 12Sep02 13:15 :: 9/11 WORDS :: rubble :: debris :: billowing smoke
:: 12Sep02 11:00 :: MY TRUE TALENT :: is spatial ability apparently. LOL - isn't that what women are supposed to be so bad at? That's why I'm so good at getting into tiny parking spaces. Here's their explanation:
:: 11Sep02 21:15 :: 9/11 - THE ALTERNATE VIEW :: Wow, well we can't say we didn't have enough 9/11 coverage today. It was almost as if it had only happened a few days ago. A bit tiring when you see the same repetitive images for the 187th time. But that's not the only plight I have. The attack on Iraq seems as good as decided, Bush doesn't give a shit about what the rest of the world thinks of it, and what struck me most as I watched the rememberance stuff today is that the world still has not learnt. Neither side has of course, and neither side will (I'm sorry I can't help the cynicism) - that's what humans are about and that will never change. Vengeful, stubborn, self-righteous, the whole lot of them. It may sound paradoxical to some of you from an atheist's mouth, but if we all lived by Christian standards, the world would indeed be a much better place. For what is the Bible but an attempt to teach us some manners? Compassion, forgiveness, love - there is a point to the New Testament, and that applies even if (and especially if) one does not believe it is the word of God. And the funny thing is that those who scream the loudest that God will bless their country, live by it the least.
:: 11Sep02 10:15 :: 9/11 :: I guess one has to say something? OK, today is 9/11. *ahem* That's it. If you want more rememberance and stuff, read my entry from the 7th. I'm a geek btw. *lol*
:: 11Sep02 0:45 :: MY BIRTHDAY :: I got up in the early hours of the morning... rofl ok, seriously, I woke up at freaking 6.45 and because I was so desperate and curious to see my present from Katja & Tobias, I decided to get up & collect it from the post office, even tho it was faaaar too early for anyone half sensible. So I got up, went and collected, and it was a fucking cool Tomb Raider 3-DVD-pack (my 1st DVD ever!!! :)). Watched that for a while, then went to return my 'wrong' modem (wahey, they took it back, so I bought fab new speakers instead!), got new modem, and then the rest of the morning was SHIT. DSL STILL refused to work, and their freaking help desk was impossible to reach, my speakers wouldn't install, one of my birthday threads turned nasty, plus my dad's mum's home rang to say that she's really bad, refusing to eat and drink and that she'd die soon... so there I was, mightily pissed off, ranted and raved to my mum once she'd returned from work (poor thing), thought it could only get worse (and that it was an omen)...
:: 10Sep02 7:45 :: DND :: If you would please excuse me. I must drool over Lara Croft.
:: 09Sep02 18:20 :: SIGH :: No DSL till tomorrow. Don't ask. :| Installation, here I come.
:: 09Sep02 13:20 :: MY NEW TOY :: I got my new baby, er I mean my PC. He is sooo freakin cool so you'll have to have some pics. :D
He's cute right? :D WinXP is pretty intimidating, as is the prospect of installing all my stuff on it again. There's actually quite a lot of it already... the usual stuff - but there's more to come. My mouse, printer, digicam, Eudora, PSP, KaZaA.... and then all the stuff I never reinstalled on this one after the last Windows Reinstall, and that I can't wait to use again... I'll be at it all afternoon. *lol* Not to mention the DSL modem - the guy's currently here (how funny, he's someone from my primary school class!) - and then the fun can start! I'm still on my old PC at the moment of course - which reminds me that I must also burn all that stuff onto CD :| Guess I can do that while I install stuff on my new one. Who needs a name still, incidentally. Maybe Mikey? :D
:: 08Sep02 21:20 :: TAKING SIDES :: I got thinking about this earlier... in relation to Moby and Eminem in fact, tho I could cite many more examples. Say you're a fan of an artist, and that artist has some kind of grudge against another artist, must you then as a good fan dislike that other artist too? There are artists that seem to expect that (Moby sure isn't one of them). Artists like Axl Rose for instance who hate on anyone and everyone - so inevitably you end up as a fan of no other artist if you like him? How silly. MJ fans are very good at that too - "must hate everyone who dislikes MJ" (ok so I had a go at Moby when he criticised Mike, but I got over it *hehe*).
:: 07Sep02 22:40 :: DAYUM! MJ, FANSHIP... and 9/11 :: God I'm so bored. I was gonna write about Bush and Iraq but I can't be arsed, so I thought I'd write about MJ instead cuz it's a year today that I arrived in NYC. That trip had quite an impact on my life, I got to know some very cool people, got back into the MJ world which is what dominates my online life again at the moment, I got a job cuz of my debts (and ended up with lots of extra money ;) & despite 9/11 it was an amazing experience - and because of 9/11 it became intense, different, mind-shaping and uniting in a weird unexplainable kind of way. It was like being out of time, out of reality for a while. Watching a 9/11 documentary earlier I was reminded of the state we were all in... endlessly watching those reports, in disbelief before those images of people screaming, running... that impression of watching a Hollywood movie when faced with the images of the collapsing towers - as often as we've heard it, it was so true.
:: 07Sep02 12:25 :: WARBLE :: Wow, no update for a full day! That's cuz my Cast page kept me busy... well and other stuff too, like shopping. *hehe* Haven't had my telly on for days, quite weird that. Went out for dinner with my mum last night, lots of crying over my dad, but it was good to not be crying on my own for once. I really have to start working for school, you know, preparing stuff or at least thinking about it. Damn my Internet addiction, damn! *g*
:: 05Sep02 17:05 :: TRIBUTE II & III :: First to the wonderful, incomparable and very amusing Montserrat Caballé - just cuz I got reminded of how cool she is while listening to the Barcelona CD. You've gotta hear her laughing - so cute! And her singing ain't too bad either. *g* I love her mastery of different languages too.
That has also reminded me of my desire to introduce you to some of my fave music on here... like The Golden Boy, such an amazing song... bah. Once I have DSL.
:: 05Sep02 10:40 :: UNSTABLE PERSONALITY :: I've just re-read some old diary entries and realised I contradict myself quite a lot when talking about my feelings and what I want. Sometimes I'll say that being sociable requires a huge effort and is rarely enjoyable, then other days I find that it's often fun once I've picked myself up and gone somewhere. Maybe the "it's no fun" is just an excuse for not doing anything, because doing nothing is the easier option? I dunno, and I don't know what I want.
:: 05Sep02 10:10 :: TRIBUTE :: Just remembered that today is Freddie Mercury's birthday! A minute of silence for a wonderful artist. God I loved him so much! Still admire him muchly. Must listen to some Freddie Mercury tracks today.
:: 05Sep02 10:00 :: ACTION IN MJ-LAND? :: Well well... something's brewing in the MJ world, hehe. Why does it always take me ages to click on the right threads? Anyway, there have been some interesting ominous announcements (read here if you're interested) and I hope they're true - tho I tend to think that MJ maybe gets glorified too much by some people?! I dunno. They keep telling us he's so smart and has got everything in control and will come out top, but I really wonder. So far it's only been going down down down - well apart from the "London announcement" high - but by the time of the NYC demo the triumph was already tainted by the press reactions and by Michael's exaggerations on the racism front - "playing the race card" as they called it. Not a clever move if you ask me, even tho he had a valid point. So how can he be so smart if he hadn't thought of those repercussions? And you can't tell me that was part of his plan?! Hehe, I hope I'll eat my words later. I really do. I don't want him to look ridiculous - or even be completely destroyed. :| Shamone Mike, show us what you can do!
:: 04Sep02 23:00 :: WEIRD :: I've started keeping a list of potential diary topics, and some of them I'll put down thinking "I REALLY need to write about that" and then later I don't care much anymore. My main problem is most of the time I feel ramble-inspired I end up chatting or doing anything but updating the diary. Or I'll be thinking 'must consider that some more' and then in the end the topic just wears me out.
:: 04Sep02 21:00 :: HMPH!! :: VEGA UPDATE YOUR DIARY!!!!! *bored*
:: 04Sep02 18:00 :: SCREEN FILTER II :: Went to return my monitor filter this morning - what a freakin' hassle! I was sent from one person to the next until finally some dude agreed to have me exchange it against a 17" one... except the 17" one really was 17"!!! Well a BIT larger, but too small for my 19" monitor. Great. So now I have a 41 Euro voucher for PC stuff at Auchan. Ah well I'm sure I'll find SOMETHING. *lol*
:: 04Sep02 13:00 :: DEATH THE SECOND :: I keep getting drawn back to thoughts about my dad and his death and all that shit. Paris wasn't as hard as I'd thought (lots of memories there), but somehow I've had a bit of a low since (again), tho not as bad as before. I have been wondering about one thing... you know when he died, I mean when they put him in a coma, they made him believe it was only temporary, to stabilise him, and that he'd be back out a few days later... I mean, the last thing he said was "what about the weaning (off the machines)"... I mean I'm not sure what he really thought - he must have known he couldn't go on much longer like that, but I think he repressed it.
:: 04Sep02 10:30 :: ANNIVERSARY - AND BRASSIERES :: Well not an exact anniversary, but I've just realised that I've been maintaining this diary for over 6 months now (first entry 24th Feb). That's pretty impressive by my standards (and short attention span). It's raining outside how depressing, but it doesn't really matter cuz if I go to the store I don't have to be outside at all. Get in the car in our garage, drive to the mall's underground car park and go to the store directly from there. Yay.
:: 03Sep02 23:30 :: ARACHNOPHOBIA III... AND SMALLTALK :: I have lots of diary topics on my mind at the moment... well let's say I've been thinking about lots of things that I might share with ya in the next few days. Usual daily babble 1st tho, I had an introductory course for the teaching thing this morning (LOL, "the teaching thing" is funny - this is gonna be my job! Damn!), it was kinda boring so far... lots of "well, d'uh!" things being said. Hopefully the rest of the course will be more interestin. Only thing is, because our school was on hols & didn't forward our forms, we weren't registered so we'll be in an "extra group" in October (along with many others) - which means that in 2 weeks from now we'll be face to face with a class full of rebellious, disinterested, bored students without ANY prior guidance! *eek* OK OK I'll manage. :| I hope!?
:: 02Sep02 21:00 :: LITTLE THINGS :: OMG I never told you about the spider... you know, the one I'd 'killed' last Wednesday... ha, it wasn't dead at all, it had only been crushed ever so slightly on the soft (aargh!) carpet, despite the big book I'd thrown on the magazine (and stepped on it! *ahem*), so when Martine came to remove the 'corpse', it just got up and scuttled away. Eek! Luckily she caught it & threw it out the window. Aaargh! Hate them. And no, I feel absolutely no pity for it, even tho it had to stay curled up under a book for 4 days! Hmph.
:: 02Sep02 14:45 :: MY LIFE & MY DEATH :: I'm downloading MJ at the VMAs so I have to stay online, but I can't find anything interesting to do, so I thought I'd update my diary again.
:: 01Sep02 22:30 :: PARIS LUXEMBOURG JACKSON :: Here I am, back from Paris. *phew* It was cool as always, it is simply impossible for a marvellous city like Paris to be boring. I took some 100 pictures and bought lots of stuff too... lemme try to list it: a Nana by Niki de Saint Phalle :: three second hand books :: a Zulu music CD :: a Rai CD :: a striped shirt :: a T-shirt from Etam :: two scarves :: a Buddha necklace :: a singing flower :: a tiny cow keyring :: some pigs for my mum's friend :: James Rizzi calendar :: James Rizzi Agenda :: some make up :: patchwork skirt :: colourful hat :: catalogue of Centre Pompidou. Some of this I might take pix of, and I may also put some digipics of Paris online.